Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

Things of my mums / in-laws I’ll keep: jewellery, furniture (I have all second hand / dark wood anyway), Kenwood mixer, shoes and bags (mum has some great ones).

My in laws already gave me all of their crystal and china wedding set. I’ll keep the quality Christmas decor too.

I buy a lot from the charity shops too because so much good serving ware goes there. Plenty of us <35 love quality vintage.

There is not much of my parents stuff I would want - sentimental things like photos, my mum’s engagement ring but not a lot else… I too like a more minimalist home but my DH and kids are not quite so on board 🤣

None of it.

i have my own house with my own furniture decorated in a way i like.

she does a lot of crafting and there are instructions for that stuff (mostly a list of friends who might want it)

A few things. Mum has a very old chaise longue which is covered in the most disgusting 80s fabric which could be magnificent in the hands of a skilled upholsterer. There are a couple of vases which were my granny's which I would like. And a folder full of family history related documents which I'm definitely having. She is fairly minimalist and does not have huge amounts of stuff.

Inlaws on the other hand.... 3 bedroom house stuffed with tat. DH has already told them he wants none of it and all the crinoline ladies and wardrobes full of dated clothing will be in the hands of a house clearance place.

My parents died years ago and I kept nothing apart from photos. They didn't have much...no jewellery, nothing of value. We cleared the house in a couple of days...there was so little.
I am 66 and declutter within an inch of my life. There is nothing in the loft....even dh's shed is called regularly! I have lots of artwork and interesting objects which my friend has her eye on when I die. Dd doesn't want them!

The only things I kept of mums were useful - a tray, bread knife, pastry slice, some whisky tumblers. I’ve cleared several homes over the years. www ere offered MiLs dining room set - 1920s mock Jacobean. Where are we supposed to put other people’s stuff? I know DC won’t want any of mine. I’m busy disposing of books to save them the trouble.

It’s an interesting question. DM and my in-laws have always lived in bigger houses with bigger rooms than we can afford, so none of the furniture really. DM is much smaller than me, so none of her clothes. She’s a lady who matches her shoes to her handbag. I’ve never own a handbag, at most will match my trainers to my rucsack, but never deliberately! There are a couple of prints I wouldn’t mind, and some books that were my dad’s. That’s about it.

Ohh this is a good one. We recently had to empty my MIL and FIL’s house. MIL was extremely house proud and spent a large part of her life very very angry indeed at some relatives who had disposed of her grandmother’s possessions without giving her a chance to have them ( she could face bought them but felt she should just inherit them freely). Her possessions were everything and she wanted to make sure her grandkids would inherit her things but when she died apart from some jewellery the grandchildren had and some small things most of her stuff was taken by house clearance. No one wanted reproduction mahogany or her pictures or soft furnishings. It was heartbreaking because she was so so house proud. It really woke me up to making sure I declutter and to be clear to our kids no one will mind if they simply chuck or donate everything once we are gone.

Funnily enough we just had a conversation like this. DH who doesn't have a good relationship with his parents said he will take any cash out of the house (he is sure there is a stash somewhere that can't be put in the bank or their benefits would be stopped) and then give the keys back to the council and let them deal with the rest.

My parents do have a lot of expensive things but honestly given the fact that spending money on these type of things to impress God knows who was more important to them than their children growing up I don't want any of it. I will however sell whatever I can and spend the money on the Grandchildren that they never bothered with whilst alive.

No there wont be much that I’d want. A few photos mostly. My df has some gardening tools my dh probably wouldn’t say no to.

It’s not unusual for people not to want or have space for other people’s belongings. House clearance businesses exist for a reason. Having been through the situation twice, my experience was that some items were kept for sentimental reasons, some were sold, some were shared amongst younger members of the family who were just starting out and some were given to charity. It was a very emotional experience and whilst it’s understandable that you don’t want to fill your home with unwanted items, you may feel a bit less clinical when you’re actually dealing with the belongings of a loved one once they’ve died.

I like some of my parents stuff but honestly I don't know what I'd do with it. How much of it is sentimental and just kept for the sake of it or because you don't want it going to waste. That's what I find hard.

A lot of parents have bigger houses than their adult children will ever have too so furniture isn't practical or the right size and people don't have space to store.

My mum is still going through her mother's things and getting rid. My grandmother died over 5 years ago. The other day she offered me her crystal tea cake stand. Like wtf am I supposed to do with it? I won't ever use it. It's something from a bygone age that's too good to chuck but charity shops and antiques places also can't get rid of because there is no demand. And there's a lot more of that type of thing that's being generated by increases in consumption.

I don't know. My parents roughly know the things I really want from them. Beyond that... I dunno but I will still find it hard to let go of it.

Only sentimental stuff, no matter how ugly or out of fashion. Basically the things that have a story or the things my mum says “this was my grandads” or “I cherish this”

I kept my dads cufflinks and lighter. Gave the cufflinks to DS who loves them. My brother kept dads amazing tool kit. His twenty million dvds went to charity!

No, but there's no need to tell her that when she's alive.

I got a lot of my mums jewellery. I wish I hadnt as its not my style and I feel I cant get rid of it. So it just sit there.

I do love the photo of my grandparents on their wedding day.

When my dad passes There is 1 photo I would like.

When stepdad passes. He eill leave my childhood home so that will be harder to know what I would like. Perhaps photos.. the grandfather clock that was my great grandma's

I took photos though from my mother’s house when she got diagnosed with dementia as I didn’t trust her not to destroy them.

Not really. I mean they have a huge Lego collection so I guess me and my sibling can fight over that. Nothing else they have do I want. Same with the in-laws can’t see there being much but dh will want it all as he is a bit hordery.

Our own Ds however has already laid claim to our crystal collection that when we die it’s his 😅

Yeah every time I go to my parents I just think fuck you have so much shit. They keep saying they are clearing out so I won't have to deal with it all but honestly they've been saying this since my grandmother died and they don't seem to have made any progress at all! It's still stacked from floor to ceiling.

Last week I went round and they were redecorating my old room. There was still one of my old posters up. I asked why as it was ridiculous. Apparently I'd said when I moved out "oh don't take it down." They've taken this literally and I don't even remember.

DHs parents are the other extreme though and that's horrible in its own right.

I kept a few glasses I liked. I also had some jewellery, which although I didn't like, I had made into 3 pendants for DSis, DD and me. Every thing else got taken away by a man in a van (she died during COVID, and we needed to empty the house.

I'm still chucking out random crap from mum's house and she died 10 years ago! I should have just chucked it at the time, none of it holds sentimental value. She had a house half the size of mine but seemed to have twice the clutter.

I'm decluttering and everything I own is left to charity, they can do what they like (as long as they make sure I'm dead first)

Depends on what it is.

Most of the furniture will probably go to charity, along with books, kitchen stuff that isn’t knackered, decent clothing, etc.

Jewellery, photographs, anything of personal sentimental value will be kept, obviously.

I once rescued a Victoria photo album from the skip when it was being chucked out (I asked if I could). It went to a local museum. Such a shame when things like that, which are of wider interest and important to preserve, are just chucked out.

As I get older, I attach more importance to random stuff. My gran died when I was 17 and I wish my parents had kept some of the things from their house just for memories - I particularly remember a cheap pottery frog they had on their fireplace, which we loved as kids. Odd, because I’m not really a sentimental person.

I’ll want none of my parents stuff. I’ve told them this and my mother has a cob on about it, not my problem.

Im not going to clutter my house up with their stuff. If my brother want’s anything, he can fill his boots.

Family photos but nothing else. My parents are fairly minimalist anyway after downsizing a few years ago from the family home. They left much of their furniture in the house for the young family who bought it to help them get started. That was a win.

We cleared in-laws' house last year and a great-aunt the year before that. That was harder. Much of in-laws' stuff is in our shed now. Heavy dark wooden furniture that they saved hard for and was their pride and joy and dh can't get rid of it. We can't use the shed now so it's a real bone of contention between us.

I chose to keep a few random ornaments and a couple of nice paintings so there are odd things that catch my eye and remind me of them throughout the house. But not much.

There are a few things in my dad's home that belonged to my mum which I would like to have (but haven't been offered so I will gratefully take them when my dad offers) such as some art I bought her and her special jewellery. My dad has an expert and eclectic eye for art and antiques so there are a few pieces that have been around since I was a child and I might want one or two. Otherwise it will be sold/given away. I don't want any of their general household items.