Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

Journals would be interesting.

Dad gave me an old war medal of my grandad's, thinking it would be hugely meaningful to me, and I've honestly just shoved it in a drawer. Dad also gave me something of his own and I've shoved it in the loft.

I have SO many happy memories of time spent with my dad, and it's those which I'll treasure.

I have a few kitchen things which belonged to my DM and I love using them ~ her stockpot, an enamel dish and a lovely wooden spoon. I really love the connection with her when I use them nearly every day

And I have a book which was given to my DM by her sister (who died very young) and I love reading it as I know how much it meant to her

Obviously family photos are treasured

I'm fortunate that I come from a large family, we each took what we wanted, there were no arguments over any of it. The rest all went to charity

Im quite sentimental and wish my mum had kept things of my grandmas so we had something owned and used by her and her parents.
My aunt took almost all of it and Im slightly jealous shes got my DGM music box collection!

Amyway from my parents Id want her jewellery particularly engagement ring and wedding rings.
Photos
Bone handled knives
A biscuit barrel.
Dad has passed away and mum doesnt really have a lot anyway.
From MIL
If i can i would like a couple of old armchairs that are perfect for my 5ft 1 frame ( will need reuphostering)
Photos
Jewellery
And a family bible

Yes changing tastes are so hard to anticipate aren't they. My grandma died when I was 21 and I didnt want one item of hers. Now I'm 42 and my home is full of mid century modern furniture and ornaments. I would have LOVED her G-Plan furniture, and her 60s collection of wooden antelope!

My grandmother drove herself to distraction worrying about how we'd have to clear her house out when she died, it didn't matter how many times we told her not to worry about it. It was a real shame, because in the event it wasn't a big deal at all. It was quite therapeutic even, going through everything, picking some items to keep, finding places to donate the rest (plus admittedly quite a few trips to the tip).

Some people derive a lot of comfort and pleasure from collecting and being surrounded by a lot of "stuff", for others too much "stuff" drives them mad and they want to keep things minimalist. I wouldn't try to make one of the former types of people live in a way they're not happy with, just to avoid children having to deal with "stuff" after they're gone.

I was thinking about this myself the other day actually as I was helping my mum move some stuff around. She’s got so many crystal glasses & trinkets its insane.

I don’t think there’s much I’ll keep. A few kitchen items.
From Dads house there is one blanket I definitely want. He died a couple of years ago & I’ve not asked my Stepmum for it as I don’t want to upset her so I hope she doesn’t get rid of it at any point.

Absolutely not.

I will keep my mum's saris. Hand them on to DD.

I would've loved some of my mum's jewellery but unfortunately she sold the lot for a pittance to some scumbag who came to the door and tricked a little old lady with dementia. I have nothing of hers but memories.

Jewellery, a couple of lamps, a couple of paintings and some ancient bedding my great grandmother made. Maybe some dishes.

That's about it tbh. I suspect my DB won't want anything either.

95% of it will be going. And I'd expect the same in my house - we are childless, so it'll all go to nieces and nephews and they are welcome to bin the lot!

I think my parents have helped me by clearing my grandmother's home with such a lack of sentimentality. They kept about 3 things and didn't agonise about anything. Hopefully I can do the same when the time comes.

Yes. Most of my parents’ stuff is 200 years old and has been in the family for generations. Once upon a time it had value, but these days it’s worth less than IKEA flat pack furniture.

That sounds very tough.

My mums dead and I didn’t want any of her furniture or belongings. She was poor all her life so had nothing of any monetary value. Kept a few bits of jewellery, photos and a couple of ornaments but that was it. Everything went in a skip.

Slightly different that's my mother moved to a care home when we hat to clear her flat but she couldn't really take a lot with her so I would say 90% ended up in the hand of the house clearer we employed.

We took some wine glasses, some personal items, jewelry she asked me to take with me, some ornaments, Christmas ornaments and books.

We also took practical things like some day-to-day cutlery, crockery, tea towels as DD is now at university and she took it with her. It's easily to identify items.

For my parents in law I think we will take plenty of their books because they have a similar reading style to us. I would love one of the sofas and again wine glasses. Cutlery yes I may never use the silver cutlery, but these are very sentimental items and I just can't bear the idea of selling them or throwing them away. No idea what we will do with them.

We also talk all photo albums and historical records which are scanned in and put intoarchive style boxes to preserve them because some of them are 150 years old.

I have enough "stuff" of my own, so I don't want anyone else's.

That said, there are a few books that I would like as they have fond memories for me.

And DD took a lot of MIL's kitchen items when she went to uni (although I suspect she'll ditch them once she ceases to be a student).

DM used to go on about who was getting what. I told her I wanted one thing from her display stuff, an heirloom I've always loved, and nothing else. She was sad noone wanted her huge collection of venitian glass or lillyput lane houses.

I explained they were her pleasure to collect and not ours. I also pointed out I had a house full of our own stuff & couldn't double the amount of stuff we had. That worked.

MIL used to go on about giving her treasures to DH because SIL will toss them. She died before she could enact this. It didn't stop FIL selling up to remarry and offloading a lot of useless crap onto DH, including photos etc. I'm still fuming as they sit in piles in the cupboard and are ignored... But we can't get rid of any of it, apparently!!

I'll want loads of it - for ourselves, or our kids who are mid/late teens. As it is, we actually have a lot of my grandparents' furniture and kitchen items/linens, and I love the continuity of having pieces of the happiest parts of my childhood as part of our lives now. I was very close to my grandparents, and using their things brings back memories, and makes me think of them fondly on a daily basis.

This, with knobs on!

The only thing I wanted from Mum and Dad was the photo of my grandad on a horse, from when he joined the army in the first World War, and his medals. We shared a love of horses.
I did end up with a lot of furniture, I didn't mind as it is better quality than mine .

I've already given my children family photos featuring them and have chucked out random view photos. Dd has picked the jewellery she would like and it's kept separate. I do a Swedish Death Clean version every year, so hopefully the amount to get rid of won't be onerous.

When my mum died my step dad literally got rid of everything she owned. He even emptied their chest freezer that had years old stuff in it. I took some of her perfumes, and model cat collection but didn't want much of her tat

Nope. My mum is a hoarder. Despite trying to get her to declutter now, she won’t. So I’ll have that joy when she dies.

I’d love the crystal tea cake stand. I think unless your styles align there’s no point taking stuff for the sake of it.

A few sentimental items, pieces of decent artwork. Maybe some useful bits like crokery. My brother died age 41 and I've kept some things of his that I have no use for and aren't worth anything and I've no idea what I'll do with them. But I can't bear to throw them away. I guess my kids will throw them away when I'm gone because they won't mean anything to them and thats fine.