Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

Homes abroad - yes, far more than UK home.
I’ll want some photos of parents/grandparents and some jewellery. Happy to sell off cars and UK home- the IHT bill is huge and I’m on a single income.

I wouldn’t want much of my mums but I’ve already told mil I’d like her Christmas decorations.

No
DPs both have some form of dementia and insist on staying at home with minimal carers. As their only DC is me an hour away, I have struggled with the levels of care I am meant to provide and it has had a huge impact on me. So much so that DH is doing the majority of the visits now.
Their house is gradually declining like they are. My cortisol levels go through the roof when I go inside. Frankly I would prefer never to have to set foot inside again and all the contents to go to house clearance when the time comes. Annoyingly DH wants to pour through it all in case there’s anything of value, I’ve told him he’s on his own.

We had to clear SOOOOOO much stuff when my parents and in-laws died, and it was very upsetting, as well as bloody hard work. I kept some small pieces of furniture and silver, and mum's jewellery. I plan to have a family conference soon to see what, if anything, my kids will want, and warn them if they don't state a preference for something, I may well dispose of it. We already downsized from a huge Victorian house to a 1960s house, so a lot went then, but we stiil have a lot of stuff of no interest to anyone else.

I'll happily re-home a couple of their paintings when the time comes. But everything else will be going straight to charity. As I regularly tell them! 😁
To be fair to my parents, they're in their 70s and in recent years have been doing a pretty good job of getting rid of 40 odd years worth of junk from their house. They've had to clear out four houses belonging to my grandparents and great aunts so I think that's influenced them.

'Good' china cup and saucer sets have a sort of 'vintage' cachet now and some of them are really delicate and lovely. The furniture is the worst. I put my parents' heavy oak dining room furniture on Marketplace with a starting price of 50p and no one was interested. Charity and second hand stores refused it too. Had to pay a house clearance firm to take it.

I have told my sons they can do what they like with my possessions, apart from the dolls houses my Dad made for me. They are to stay within the family as they are beautifully made with l sove. I have a big family so that isn't too big an ask.
Apart from that, they are charged with ensuring any animals I have at the time ar e found a loving home.
Anything else can go in the skip/given away or sold .

Quality christmas decor is a good shout.

Instructions will be so helpful and no doubt sand you a lot of headspace when the time comes.

My mum died a long time ago and I was pretty ruthless. I kept photos, and one if two bits I liked or were useful. I binned anything dated and not to my taste.
Now I'm a grandma with adult DC and regularly find myself saying 'oh, we had one of those!' about things from the past that they find fascinating and cool.
So if I had my time over, I'd not be guided by my taste or need, but would select things that were interesting and of their time, quirky 60s ornaments, a 30s clock, my Grandads Davey lamp, scratchy vinyl record from the 50s. The beloved trim phone.
Because the years go by and the dated becomes vintage and the vintage antique, junk becomes treasure, and I regret not having souvenirs of the past day to day life to show my grandchildren.

My in laws are huge horders and think everything they own is of huge sentimental value to us all!

Mum died when I was 17 and there were a couple of silk scarves I should have kept. I do have a few of her favourite books. Some ornaments
Dad died when I was 24 and I have a few things.

But I kept a lot of shit for sentimental reasons and threw a lot away about 15 years ago (I'm 57) last year I got rid of mums sideboard, it fitted our lounge perfectly but was a cheap 1970s thing of plastic chipboard, but she loved it. It was really looking used.

The thing is about 6 months ago I got really upset that there was nothing of my mum's in our bedroom. Or dad's. I moved something and checked the other rooms. I wanted things that mum had known (Christ I'm getting tearful typing this) .I don't know why. Perhaps the fact that this August will be 40 years since she died.

So my view is don't keep things for the sake of it, but things that mean something.

We have been through a lot of house clearing in the last few years.

My grandparents and parents lived as though they were never going to die and kept everything from previous generations too. My grandmother would always talk about what items of furniture or paintings we would take. Funnily enough none of us wanted larger dressers in our 90s new builds!

The whole thing has given me a horror of clutter. I want to keep clearing out as dc grow and move out so that we don't present them with the same issues.

My dad has a whole room used as a library for his books. His own interests and I have no space for them, so they’ll all go.

I’ll keep some photos and maybe some kitchen equipment. My house is tiny and theirs is big so doubt I would be able to keep much even if I wanted to.

Yes we recently hired a skip and got rid of 80% of what was in the loft, and we're only in our 40s. It's far too easy to shove things up there without thought!

Don’t diss the silver cutlery! We use it everyday- mine was my aunt’s, but my mum’s is better.
Otherwise I’d agree with you- very little is worth keeping. She’s held on to stuff even when younger family members have needed things- she’ll offer you a table or a stool but when you go to collect, it’s one from the garage with uneven legs. The ones that are worth having are tucked into odd corners of her house ‘just in case’. She has tried to give my adult DC briefcases from the 70’s, monogrammed with Dad’s initials, with broken locks or straps/handles. Nothing anyone would actually be able to use.

Maybe one painting , I can’t think of anything else . I’m rather a fan of the Swedish death cleansing method for our house , it seems very sensible, and every time I tidy a cupboard or drawer etc I think would I keep this if I was moving house . I can’t image our children would want much of ours either , as they have fully furnished houses themselves.

Clothes are difficult aren't they. Mum prides herself on the quality of her clothing, but we dont share the same taste and will never be the same size, so I dont want any of it.

My mum didn’t really have anything when she died 😞 then her old friend turned up to the funeral with some jewellery that mum had asked her to get to us if anything happened to her. Which felt lovely at a sad time.
Of my dads stuff id just want his records and record player

My dad has kept a journal for years I'd want them , it's not huge long rambling it's things like if one of us or the grandkids broke a bone , graduated school college , adverse weather mundane stuff really but its the only record of a out of the family .also he has a lot of documents and photos about his side of the family and my mother's . There are some lovely letters my maternal grandparents wrote each other when they were first in love.

I kept some lovely antiques, nothing else.

The reality for every single one of us is that our children will get rid of most of our stuff. They may well describe it as tat too, however good we consider our own taste. The more we can do now to make that easier for them, the better.

I also love the idea of having it all taken care of before we die.

DH and I want to downsize eventually (late 60s maybe), and I would love a 1-bed flat with a balcony and no garden. As we dont have kids, we can commit to a financially-irresponsible property where you get charged extortionate fees!

No! Just the books. My poor mum has terrible taste! I adore her, though.

When DH's sister died we had to go down to Cornwall to clear her flat. We took a couple of boxes of family photos and papers, some sentimental items that DH wanted, I had her jewellery (not that there was much) and a couple of ceramics, and also a few of her accessories. Everything else was cleared by a house clearance company organized by her old friends who lived down there.

We are trying to encourage my elderly Mum to have a thorough declutter but it is a thankless task as she is clinging on to things and every room is full. Her jewellery will be split between me and my SIL, assuming she wants some, and possibly some of her accessories but I don't think there will be anything else. The main thing will be selling all the labour saving devices that she's been bought which she's never used. She's got a dishwasher plumbed in - never used - and a tumble dryer in her back room which is still in the packaging, and that's without all the small things tucked away 'for when I move'.

as it is, there is so much stuff I'm going in in a hazmat suit as I've no idea what may be lurking in dark corners!

I live a minimalist life in terms of personal possessions. Dh is very different. Having been through sorting out both parents stuff, he has agreed that he will, sort out his collections when he is 70 so our daughters are not faced with the task