Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

We are the parents in this scenario, and no, none of the dc will want our stuff! Nor would I expect them to. They wouldn’t have room, for one thing. We’re still storing some of their stuff! We are trying to rationalise our possessions and de-clutter, but the truth of it is, the things I can’t bring myself to dispose of - many letters, photographs and documents amassed over generations (1900 onwards) all part of a wide ranging and interesting (to us) family story, inherited by us from our parents and added to by us - will like as not end up in a skip. Furniture etc. doesn’t bother me that much. I would hope that someone would be able to use it, but not necessarily the dc. It’s the thought of all that family history ending up dumped somewhere which really saddens me, but that’s the reality of it.

When my mum died my stepdad burnt it all without seeing if we wanted anything

My mum has war diaries from her paternal grandfather and father. They are on my list to have and apparently listed explicitly in the will.

When my mom died suddenly (25 yrs ago), I shipped huge amounts of her stuff overseas to my home. Because she loved those things I thought they were valuable & important to me.

Nearly all of it was soon gone, what a mistake. Weirdly, something I most appreciated were her clothes, that I merely used for packing fragiles... I liked wearing them.

With my dad (overseas): I want a lot of his large shirts & 2 pieces of artwork. That's almost all. One artwork is medium-large & fragile so doubting I should pay ££££ to ship it internationally. I might offer it to a cousin who appreciates original art, instead.

I have some glassware, crockery from my grandparents and furniture I inherited. I also have some jewellery and Knick knacks like my grandparents dog tags and medals from the war. There are some photos, mementos and items of my parents that would be nice to have once they have gone. But most furniture or normal plates etc I won’t need or have space for. But there are plenty of homeless people starting out in new homes who would need and want them so I’m not worried about getting rid of anything.

My Mum downsized recently from a very big house to a bungalow. She got rid of a fair bit of furniture but not much else. She still has some bits that I'd like to keep, but her furniture isn't my style and most of her (many) ornaments aren't either. Despite the downsizing, she didn't really have a proper clear out, even though she had loads of time to sort through everything (it took nearly a year for her house sale to complete, and over a year with the house on the market before she got an offer), when it came to moving week I ended up packing most of it up to take with her, and doing last minute charity shop/tip drops, took multiple car loads of books to the National Trust and the tip. She still has some stuff in boxes in the garage to sort, and a very full bungalow. Having gone through that experience, I've been trying to declutter myself, and rarely keep books after I've read them. When I move (on the horizon in the near future), I'm going to be methodical and think about what I need to keep and what I don't. I don't have children, but do have step-grandchildren and lots of nieces and nephews. When I'm a bit further down the line I'll find out if any of them want anything of mine and then slowly start getting rid of things I don't need anymore, Swedish Death Cleaning style, so there isn't much to deal with when I'm gone. My husband is a horrific hoarder, but mostly junk. I'm likely to outlive him, so there will be a big clear out after him too once his children have taken whatever they want to keep of his.

I'm wearing one of my late Mum's silk jumpers today. I have quite a lot of clothes, and will keep and wear a lot of the jewellery.

I also have some kitchen equipment and things, plus odds and end like unopened makeup and perfume.

Dad is still in the house so we haven't looked at furniture and so on yet.

My Mum and Dad have some lovely stuff, antiques, furniture, paintings and lots of sentimental things i would keep. that being said their house is big, they have a basement and an attic and have ,lived in it for over 40 years so the clear out will be epic.

My parents died a few years ago and as an only child it was down to me to clear the house. Most of the furniture went except for a few pieces, I kept all the photographs if I knew the people in them, mums jewellery which dad had made her, clocks and pictures. I also had some items that belonged to my paternal grandparents, dad was an only child too, which I remember as a child in their home.
My husband is about to begin emptying his parents home. Dad died a few years ago and mum is in a care home with dementia. They were hoarders so there is a lot to sort. Luckily he has siblings.

My Dad is on his own since my Mum died and he’s clearly on a bit of mission to clear stuff from the house and not leave us with a lot to sort out. It’s almost like a reverse nesting instinct. I have my Mum’s engagement ring and another diamond and ruby ring that she treasured. She had masses of clothes and handbags, mostly in almost new condition and we gave them to charity.

We were over helping him with something the other day and I was in the cupboard at the top of the stairs, looking around at all my Mum’s crystal vases, fancy tablecloths, her special things that she used when they had guests for dinner or at Christmas. I felt quite sad, all her dreams and aspirations, her pride in her home just gathering dust. I don’t want to keep most of it though, there are a couple of very nice vases and a fruit bowl that I’d use. My Mum wasn’t a sentimental person at all and she when she got bored of something she’d change it. She wouldn’t have expected me to treasure stuff just because it was hers. The memories made around the table while the stuff was on it are what matters.

Be a little careful when disposing of large amounts of stuff via house clearance firms. I have recently cleared my late aunt's flat, and went through everything. I found gold jewellery mixed in with stacks of costume jewellery and other gold bits and pieces just lying around in drawers and amongst rubbish!

I ended up with lots of random kitchenware from my grandad when he passed. I was 19 and leaving home so it made sense. I still use lots of it. As for my parents, I have my eyes on a beautiful lamp at my in laws. I dont want any of dad's stuff though. He has units full of stuff. Its all useful stuff, but I'll let the boys from the farm take what they want of dad's equipment before I sell it.

I have my nana's bed jacket that she had for 50 odd years, She used to wear it when she baby sat me and i have lovely memories of sitting in her big bed eating chocolate and crisps sandwiches (not together!) and watching programmes my Mum and dad wouldnt let me watch. (321 and the price is right!) I will keep it forever

My parents took ages sorting out their parents’ homes and then years more failing to declutter the stuff they brought into their house. Their house is stuffed. Thankfully because their experience was awful they want us to use a company when they go.

I’ll keep some kitchen things, photos, a very few sentimental items. I hope our kids are grown by then so if they need furniture or tools or anything they can look through.

When DM died I kept a glass vase, a couple of wine glasses, some photos and a piece of jewellery. DC got a chest of drawers and a lamp, and dad’s medals, war photos and a certificate for crossing the Arctic circle. My sister kept a painting and a blanket box.

Everything else went to a local house clearance charity (including the modern G Plan furniture - think they got about £2k for everything) or the tip.

I’m steadily declutterring so that our DC don’t have a mountain of stuff to wade through when the time comes. MIL has already thoroughly decluttered.

I'll take the crystal and silverware if you don't want it. 🤣

My parents have already died. I had a pair of very lovely Arts and crafts oak and wicker chairs. I had two pieces of jewellery, a little diamente hair barrette from the 1920’s and a Jade and silver arts and crafts ring. My sister had the Victorian Cherub ring with diamonds. The other sister had her evening dresses and evening stoles from the 1950’s. She also had the sword that was given to a family ancestor when they were commissioned as a commander in the Royal Navy with the paper signed by the King of the time, can’t remember which one.

MIL has a lot of stuff that’s junk, the only thing she has that will darken my door if I have it my way is an Ercol table.

I would hope your DH would at least pay for house clearance, rather than leave the council with a job and saving the taxpayer, especially given the ‘stash of cash’ hidden to claim benefits (also from the tax payer).

No wonder there is little money for public services.

My Mum wasn't particularly sentimental and wasn't a big keeper of stuff. She died nearly 30 years ago. I have her engagement ring. She had a few paintings and prints (she worked in a gallery) which I kept but I am not keen on myself so are in the attic. I also have lots of photos across the generations (of anonymous victorians). I am 65 and clearing out - I know how tedious it was clearing my Mum and Dads and they never had much. Just thought..my Mum was a good cook - wished I had kept some bowls, spoons and so on (wooden not silver - so many silver teaspoons). I would have used them and thought of her - just for me - my sons dont want that stuff.

You are right.
No, I won't want the stuff after my second parent dies, just the valuable items.
Otherwise, after they are gone, I would like to make my OWN choices, re living place and anything that goes with it, since it will be (hopefully) MY life and mine only. 😊

If you're not wearing the jewellery, would you consider giving it to her now? You could see her enjoy it perhaps.

Charity shops don't want clothing unless higher value designer items. They politely take it then most of it get turned into rags or binned. People don't realise this and create extra work for them.

My mother has some gorgeous ornaments but I just wouldn’t know what to do with them all

I could fit everything I actually want in a cabin size suitcase, and would guess my siblings feel the same.

Hopefully we don’t all want the same very specific things.

The rest of their possessions (5 bed cluttered house) will have to go. I’ll try to donate and recycle everything, as when the time comes I’ll be in charge of all of that, but realistically it will be hard: there’s just far too much stuff in the world and people don’t want it anymore.

My parents have a backwards clock that I have always loved and asked them years ago if they were ever wanting to get rid of it, please give me first refusal on buying it off them. I asked them if they would consider gifting it to me in their wills if they choose to never get rid of it. It’s quite literally the only possession of theirs that I’ve ever thought about and it would make me sad to see it thrown away. It’s not worth anything, and I think k they got it for free as it was a drinks branded one from their days running a pub.

I think after my sister and I have been through their belongings when the day comes, I would suggest posting on Facebook or whatever is around then to ask if any of their friends/former customers would like anything before it goes to a charity shop or the bin. Although my sister would probably see price tags on everything if I’m honest so she’d want to get as much money as possible for it all so likely she wouldn’t agree to me giving things away.

Hopefully it’s a very, very long way away yet. My dads parents both lived til their 90’s, my mum’s mum was 94 (he dad was much younger but he got lung cancer from smoking) - so they both have “good genes” and are currently only late 60’s. So another 20-25 years I like to think before we’d need to worry.

bloody clock probably won’t work by then 🤣