To not be prepared to drive all this way?

[Absolutelynocluee]

My sil and her dh are going away in the Easter holidays for a caravan holiday. They have offered to take my 8yo ds, on the condition that I drive him there and pick him up. This is because it’s their holiday so they only want to have him for a few nights in the middle. So let’s say that they are going away for 7 nights, they only want to have him for 3. It’s a 3 hour drive. So for me I’d be driving for 6 hours twice. With going there and back.

It’s caused a falling out because I have said that I don’t want to drive.

I haven’t asked them to take him away, we go on holiday ourselves at least once or twice a year so it’s not like it would be his only chance to have a holiday.

There wouldn’t be enough room for me to stay too and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go and haven’t been invited.

Dh can’t do the drive because he will be working.

Aibu to simply not be prepared to do this?

You aren’t.
Ask her why she won’t drive him if its so important to her that her nephew has fun?

Not that it matters, but the weird insistence of them wanting your son there but only when it suits them makes me think they want to go places on those days where you would be out of place if you don’t have a child with you. Some theme parks only allow entry if you have children for example (not saying it’s that situation exactly but it is definitely about what works for them, I’m not sure your DS is the priority).

So it's your fault she made you a shit offer that's all in her interests??

My take on it is she really wants to do some activity she thinks will be way more fun or way more socially acceptable with a kid in tow.
She's fallen out with you because you've ruined HER fun.
My kids are the oldest in my family and my friend group so I've had a lot of experience with this type of knob endery.

Why can they not have him for the full 7 days @Absolutelynocluee ???

I mean, like fuck would I let him go now, as she has been such an arsehole about it, but it seems odd to say 'he can come for 3 days only - in the middle of the trip, and YOU can bring him - and feck off home, and then come get him when it suits us.'

Also for those few posters saying 'stick him on a train,' most train companies will not permit any child under 12 to travel on a train without an adult.

Most train companies will not take responsibility for children travelling alone and will generally not allow any child under the age of 12 to travel without someone aged 16 or over. (Some of them will want the accompanying person to be 18 or over.) If any child (under 12) is found travelling alone then the British Transport Police are very likely to be called.

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Yes my point exactly, it’s rent-a-kid!

My sil once suggested we go camping. 20 minutes drive from her, an hour and a half from me. Plus I'd need to rent a car because DH needed ours for work.

My ds was 18 months. Her ds was 8.

Oh, and two other kids were apparently joining us. She told me that last thing.

So, I have to rent a car, drive more than an hour with a toddler, set up the tent etc, and then look after another two extra kids?

Reader, I declined

😂

No chance, I'd do it once (so he goes for the first or last 3 days). Definitely not twice in a week.

And what is your dh doing about this? If you don't want to spend 6 hours driving to then have to do it again 2 days later then you absolutely don't need to. It's nice that sil and her dh want to do things with him but - and this will sound harsh- if sounds like this is more about her want to play happy families with your ds than it is about being an active aunt. There's plenty of other ways they could hang out and have a great time without making his mother spend 12 hours driving. Your dh needs to nip this in the bud.

Cross post with you. Balonz. It is rent-a-kid.
Its probably why they want him on those weird certain days and why only one of OP's children have been invited.

I think I’d do it if it was somewhere like, say, Centre Parcs, where we’ve never been, or ever intend to go to, but would be fun for DC. I don’t think 3h each way is excessive, if you have the time.

No. They’re being ridiculous.

Just keep saying no.

Who cares if they throw a wobbler.

You know you are not ruining your son's happiness. You are simply turning down an offer that is inconvenient and you already take your son on plenty of holidays.

Stand firm. They will get over it.. and if they don't... let them

Personally I wouldn't want my child to spend a week with people who think they can get their own way by throwing tantrums and insulting people who politely say no thank you. I bet they've got their own ideas on how to parent too.

They are insane to expect you to do that ! I reckon they’ve booked an activity or something that included a good deal IF they had a child…….and want your DS there for them to benefit.

It would be an emphatic NO from me!

I voted YABU because if you don't want to drive all that way, it just means DS won't join them on holiday. The only alternatives are that either they change their holiday destination or they do all the driving back and forth. They've offered to take DS but if you don't want to do the driving, he can't go. It's a simple choice.

I'll have to steal the phrase rent-a-kid as we've got extended family with the same attitude. Not made a bonkers request yet but you never know.

P.S. Added after reading update: Your sister is being unreasonable! YANBU.

Tell them if they want him they need to sort out the transport otherwise it's not on.

I'd clarify that you think it's an amazing offer and that you'd be very happy and grateful for them to take him.

But that you're not going to do 2 days driving, using your annual leave, to facilitate it. If they can come up with a way to get him there and back themselves, that you'll be delighted to let him go.

Rent a kid: terms and conditions (i.e. mine) apply

I would not do this at all. This is about control. Effectively with at least a 2 hour break that’s a full day there and back x2. Nope.

Say you can't take DS but MIL is welcome to do the drive?

My sister does this. You may join us, with your small dc, on our holiday for precisely three days in the middle, several hours drive away. They want performing monkeys. They have no consideration for others. Just say no. Your dc will hate all the travelling to stay with selfish relatives. He won’t miss out. It’s so arrogant.

YANBU!

They asked, you declined, why on earth do they have to get nasty about it?

Big grey rock your ridiculous SIL and stirring MIL.

As someone who rarely ever gets anytime outwith work away from my kids, I still wouldn’t drive it! And known my luck, I’d park up and one of the kids would end up being sick and wanting me back 🤣🤣 absolutely not.

It was a great idea in her head& she genuinely thinks she’s doing you a favour I think 🙈