To not be prepared to drive all this way?

[Absolutelynocluee]

My sil and her dh are going away in the Easter holidays for a caravan holiday. They have offered to take my 8yo ds, on the condition that I drive him there and pick him up. This is because it’s their holiday so they only want to have him for a few nights in the middle. So let’s say that they are going away for 7 nights, they only want to have him for 3. It’s a 3 hour drive. So for me I’d be driving for 6 hours twice. With going there and back.

It’s caused a falling out because I have said that I don’t want to drive.

I haven’t asked them to take him away, we go on holiday ourselves at least once or twice a year so it’s not like it would be his only chance to have a holiday.

There wouldn’t be enough room for me to stay too and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go and haven’t been invited.

Dh can’t do the drive because he will be working.

Aibu to simply not be prepared to do this?

If your son is desperate to go, I'd do the trip once, like others have said, either beginning or end of their trip.
But otherwise f. That.

Id say I had tickets booked for a day out in the middle of the hols

Why did they even offer in the first place?! This is so weird....

Just say no thanks, I'm not prepared to do 12 hours driving. Always best to be honest if possible.

Tell her to borrow a child elsewhere as yours is staying put and that is the end of that. Stop engaging. You said no and they need to respect that.

Also both being evacuated and returning to boarding school, children were always in a group with someone in charge (even if just a much older child). 8 year olds have never caught the train by themselves as standard. Ever. The trainguard would have a fit.

Are you serious? The child is 8 years old.

What would your other children be doing while you're driving 12 hours to drop and pick your son up? If they have to come with you clearly that makes it even more of a bonkers idea.

I get it sounds like a nice thought from her - they're going somewhere they thought your 8 year old might enjoy. They know he'll be off school, offer for him to join them for a few days. But once you flag the driving requirements are an issue that's when they should think and understand it doesn't work for you. They shouldn't have mentioned it to your DS before agreeing the practicalities with you.

What does your DH think (assuming his sister) and has she fallen out with him or are you the only bad guy in her story?

Why are they asking you to do the driving? Why not your husband (her brother, I imagine). .I regularly drive 3 hrs to my son's house. Very rarely do I try both ways on same day. It's
exhausting.

Bloody hell no, keep your son home and don't get involved in that nonsense!

And did you demand that they come back again a couple of days later?

Sil wants OP to drive the 6 hour round trip one day and then do it again a couple of days later - so 12 hours total in 3 days

So far they have not been amenable to having DS at the start or end of the holiday so that they do one of the trips.

Is there a reason he's got to go in the middle 3 days?

Personally, if that was the only option, due to space in the car of whatever, I'd say "thanks but no thanks."

Terrible idea, why should OP waste her time for SIL's vanity break? She has other things to do.

Funny how there is zero expectations of the father, SIL's actual brother.

😂

Sounds like SIL planned the whole thing so she can go around telling people she's such an amazing aunty but you wouldn't let her have time with her nephew.

@Absolutelynocluee honestly this proposal is insane. Just say no, he can go another time if they are willing to transport him themselves, and mute them both on all apps/phone. What are you supposed to do with your other children for the 6-8 hours you are travelling, given DH is working?

This is being dressed up as a nice thing which you should be grateful for.

But really it's about them wanting everything on their terms and is a massive pain in the arse for you and just doesn't work for you.

You have every right to say no for whatever reason. He's not their child. They are acting as if they have some sort of ownership of him.

Just let them have a tantrum.

As always there are some wild replies here. If they are desperate to take him then they either take him for the full thing, or they offer to either take or bring him home. Crazy that they think you’re unreasonable for refusing to do two 6 hour round trips for something that doesn’t benefit you a bit. Your son isn’t a toy they can play with for a few days then get rid of. They sound mental tbh.

All 3 of the children are sils nieces/nephews. The other children haven’t been asked because of their age. I wouldn’t necessarily have to take my other dc in the car because I could arrange something, but why the hell should I?

The reason that they want him in the middle of the holiday is because they’ve got things booked.

The fact of the matter is that I just don’t want to waste two days driving ds on this trip. Like someone said, it’s hardly a life changing experience.

Sil isn’t complaining to dh because he’s at work and she knows I’m not. Dh thinks it’s a stupid idea and agrees with me.

To the poster who said I’m jealous, jealous of what exactly? I will be taking my dc on holiday this year so no one is going to miss out on a holiday.

If it was just an hour or so round trip then I’d most definitely drop ds off but it’s 3 hours each way, likely more with the holiday traffic, plus I’d have to stop. It would be a whole two days for very little benefit.

Anyway I definitely will not be driving but I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a stupid idea.

Has your husband spoken to his sister and mum and told them it’s not happening?

Glad your DH agrees with you, sympathies for him as I would not want a sister like his.

Whilst I mentioned inadequate driving standards of others, the point about traffic congestion at Easter is well made, so it may not be only 3 hours.

Block them...till after Easter 🤣

Do they want to show off to family how good they are at being aunty? 12 hours driving is too long as it’s two days annual leave plus fuel costs.

could they meet you half way?

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you AND YOUR DH to say thank you for the offer, but it doesn't work for us. Also, in the future, please run any ideas for trips by us first, to avoid any disappointment.
I wouldn't want two days of at least 6 hours of driving just a couple of days apart either.

I think SiL and MiL are very unreasonable to be berating you for not falling in with their plans. At this point if I were you I would step away from it, and leave it to your DH to handle. It's his mum and sister, he can maybe be a bit firmer : " it's not happening, and we're not discussing it any more. And stop haranguing my wife".