To not be prepared to drive all this way?

[Absolutelynocluee]

My sil and her dh are going away in the Easter holidays for a caravan holiday. They have offered to take my 8yo ds, on the condition that I drive him there and pick him up. This is because it’s their holiday so they only want to have him for a few nights in the middle. So let’s say that they are going away for 7 nights, they only want to have him for 3. It’s a 3 hour drive. So for me I’d be driving for 6 hours twice. With going there and back.

It’s caused a falling out because I have said that I don’t want to drive.

I haven’t asked them to take him away, we go on holiday ourselves at least once or twice a year so it’s not like it would be his only chance to have a holiday.

There wouldn’t be enough room for me to stay too and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go and haven’t been invited.

Dh can’t do the drive because he will be working.

Aibu to simply not be prepared to do this?

Nah, she's being oddly insistent and no one gets to have my child alone when they're setting alarms off in my head.

Have they done this before? How long has she been married?

Could you do it? Leaving at 6 am you could be back for 1. I would do it but I drive that far for my own hobby so I’d be pretty selfish not to do it for my8yo if he wanted to go.

Does your child want to go?! Will he have a fun time?
Personally, I would do the drive so that my children could have a few nice days with my sister. Especially if it could be negotiated to be just one way. But I can see I’m in the minority. But I love my sister and I would put myself out for her and my children and to foster their relationship.

They don’t have children, I think she genuinely just wants to have a bit of time with him and thinks they’ll give him an amazing time.

But it’s a rubbish deal for me and I simply don’t want to do all that driving. I think if she wanted to do something nice with him she could plan something that doesn’t involve me driving for 6 hours.

There's a way to do this with 6 hours driving, not 12.

Step 1) Drive DS up for the holiday with your SIL. 3 hours drive.
Step 2) Find local place for you to stay and have a nice, relaxing holiday by yourself.
Step 3) Collect DS when SIL wants to hand him back, then drive back. 3 hours drive.

12 hours of driving for a 3 day stay is ridiculous

Wow...I definitely wouldn't cave in to this nonsense

Exactly my thoughts!

She doesn't even sound mature enough to be responsible looking after an 8yr old.

Tell madam no and that's it.

If you don't want to bother, then don't take him. You don't need the backing of Mumsnet to make a decision.

FWIW I don't see a problem with the drive. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. But why do you need other people to tell you whether it's reasonable or not for you? Just make a decision for yourself.

Honestly I’d definitely do it if it was just the 6 hour drive on one day and it was at the start or end of the holiday if SIL and DH did one of the journeys. But I wouldn’t do both

Yanbu

Or...
OP could use her holiday to take her son on the holiday of her choice and spend quality time with him. Without a stupid drive.

Well if they want him to come so badly they can collect or get MIL to collect and drop him off, after all by their mindset it isn’t that big a deal. Stay firm

Why on earth should the OP do all that to placate a SIL who seems very demanding, her way or the highway? I wouldn't.

OP I'm taking it that this is your DH's sister as you said she's enrolled MIL to the cause. Why isn't he telling her to forget it, and why is she messaging you all the time?

Don’t give it any headspace. No, that doesn’t work for you.

If MiL wants to drive him, she can crack on, otherwise it’s not happening. I’m sure they will have a lovely holiday on their own.

This is the whole concept of AIBU. To ask if you are being unreasonable about a situation? Is this your first time here

What do you mean "let's say they're going away for 7 nights"? Are they going away for 7 nights and having him for 3 or not?

I'd do it. Three hours driving won't kill you.

Or what if they meet you half way?

If you wanted to be extremely generous you could meet half one on one of the days?

Even if I’d been slightly tempted to do this batshit 12 hour drive at the whim of an in-law (which I wouldn’t be) I’d not be doing it out on principle now.

Is a train a possibility and he’s met when there?

Bizzare that it lead to a falling out, it’s reasonable for them to only want to babysit your child for 3 nights not 7. If you won’t want to drive him then he doesn’t go surely? Why would you fall out?

If you do drive could you stay one night?

Well that’s the other thing. She pissed me off because she told ds about it before even checking out the me and dh first. So of course I look like the bad guy.

Ds would like to go but he’s not exactly distraught.

We usually go abroad for a beach holiday each year plus a UK break either caravan or a city/theme park. The reason I say this is because it might be different if it was his only chance to get away.

Would I hell put my 8 year old on a train by themselves.

It’s 6 hours because I’ve then got to drive myself back home.