To not be prepared to drive all this way?

[Absolutelynocluee]

My sil and her dh are going away in the Easter holidays for a caravan holiday. They have offered to take my 8yo ds, on the condition that I drive him there and pick him up. This is because it’s their holiday so they only want to have him for a few nights in the middle. So let’s say that they are going away for 7 nights, they only want to have him for 3. It’s a 3 hour drive. So for me I’d be driving for 6 hours twice. With going there and back.

It’s caused a falling out because I have said that I don’t want to drive.

I haven’t asked them to take him away, we go on holiday ourselves at least once or twice a year so it’s not like it would be his only chance to have a holiday.

There wouldn’t be enough room for me to stay too and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go and haven’t been invited.

Dh can’t do the drive because he will be working.

Aibu to simply not be prepared to do this?

You're not being unreasonable. I hope they haven't told your child about the holiday before asking you to do the drive.

Even if you are, a lot of people will be driving a distance who have not done so since Christmas. A good number of whom cannot drive adequately at any time of year, who if I had any say in it would not have a licence. Middle lane hoggers, men who drive in a manner because they feel inadequate regarding a body part of theirs, for example.

You are not unreasonable to not want to spend a large part of two days driving. What about your other children? Would they have to come with you?

Hi OP,
If you are happy your child would be safe
I think it's quite a clever idea to say something like "I'm sorry I'm not able to manage that but if you would like to collect him/drop him back that would be ok"
The fact they will be absolutely horrified at the thought will show them that driving all that way is actually quite a big deal.

You mentioned you have other kids I think. Why are they only offering to take this one? Is it because the other kids aren't related to them, wrong age or something else?

Nah.

'You're welcome to collect him and drop him back, you're welcome to have him for the whole week, but I cannot spare the time or the funds to do two six hour round trips in one week. Let me know what you want to do.'

Then its up to them, balls in their court and if they can't spare the time or take him for the whole holiday it becomes very apparent they're the arseholes.

Fuck, no, I wouldn’t be doing that. Anyone complaining can do the drive instead.

No I wouldn't do it, ridiculous idea! She either takes him for the week or not at all.

If they think it's not a big deal to have to drive 3 hours each way, twice in a few days, and they really want your son to go for those 3 days, why don't they come and pick him up and bring him home again? You are not being unreasonable. I find it hard to believe your SIL truly believes she is being fair. You will never win with people who blame others for not complying with such CF suggestions.

She can think what she likes but she didn’t think about you when making the arrangements. Good for you for standing firm.

I’d say no - a 3 day holiday with 2 other adults and no other kids… and you have to spend at least 6 hours driving (note it’s Easter… it could be 8 hours with holiday traffic if it’s anywhere in Cornwall via Stonehenge for example).

Just no - if she wants to spend quality time with him she can come and pick him up from yours and take him out to a local attraction for the day - which is what my aunties and uncles did.

Are you thinking of WWII when children were evacuated with a label pinned to their clothing? When trains had staff on them, checking tickets and monitoring behaviour? Perhaps some Harry Potter scenario (though even he's older than 8)? I was 8 in the 60s, took buses with my older sister, but didn't travel alone by train until my teens.

Would you have to bring your other DC in the car for this 6hr trip? Or find childcare for 6+hrs? Also why do they only want the 8 year old?

They are nuts!!

If SIL and MIL think it’s essential then they should start calling your DH and ask him to take annual leave to facilitate this.

Ah, one of those that you didn't ask for & is inconvenient to you.

Exactly. A far away rose tinted past.

What has your dh said? As they are now being nasty to you I would block them for now and dh takes over corresponding

It was quite normal. My cousin was sent to Scotland from SE England at 8 by train by himself in 1960s. He survived. Was to boarding school. Met at other end.

It sounds like it is all about them and not your son. Should definitely not have mentioned to your son without speaking to you.

Does MIL drive? If she thinks it is such a good idea she can drop off and collect. Or she can go on train with him.

Not sure on age of other children but could be unfair.

What does dad think? If he likes the idea perhaps he takes son on the train. Bottom line you should not be the bad guy.

Tell MIL to take him and bring him back.

Where is your husband in all of this flack?

Well if MIL is being weaponised maybe she can be deployed to drive....

It's mad. The petrol for 12 hours driving will cost a fortune.

Just say you have XXX v important appointments / commitments on the days they have stipulated and can't do it.

As an aunty who loves to take my nieces for days out, I always try to pick them up and drop them back, and that's just within the city we live in! You don't get to request people's children be dropped off with you and taken back at your request 🤦‍♀️🤣

Your son is not a commodity to hire out. Good for you for standing firm.

Is she normally a bit of a knob? You're VERY reasonable to say you don't want to be driving for 6 hours then another 6 hours a few days later!

I hope your DH is telling them to stop being such knobs.

Also, I'd 100% leave this with DH to deal with. He should explain to his sister that he is working and can't drop his son off, so it's not going to happen.

Who would want a 3hr car journey with an 8yo? Much easier to look after and keep entertained when he's actually on holiday.. in the car? Nightmare.

OP why don't you arrange a couple of nights away for you and DH while you're down there? So drop DS off and then have a little holiday on your own before you pick him back up again?