To not be prepared to drive all this way?

[Absolutelynocluee]

My sil and her dh are going away in the Easter holidays for a caravan holiday. They have offered to take my 8yo ds, on the condition that I drive him there and pick him up. This is because it’s their holiday so they only want to have him for a few nights in the middle. So let’s say that they are going away for 7 nights, they only want to have him for 3. It’s a 3 hour drive. So for me I’d be driving for 6 hours twice. With going there and back.

It’s caused a falling out because I have said that I don’t want to drive.

I haven’t asked them to take him away, we go on holiday ourselves at least once or twice a year so it’s not like it would be his only chance to have a holiday.

There wouldn’t be enough room for me to stay too and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go and haven’t been invited.

Dh can’t do the drive because he will be working.

Aibu to simply not be prepared to do this?

well its not the past is it?!

its now, 2026 when they are more than evacuees taking the trains. No way would I have let my primary school aged child take a train, with potential multiple changes in a very busy rail network, in 2026

Well personally I think there are more creepy weirdos about, add to that the knives on trains types of blokes and there is no way on God’s earth I would put an 8 year old on a train.

I rarely use public transport but have you seen who gets on these trains? They’re not some quaint Whitby to Glaisdale steam locomotive you know.

You would really do that?! Imagine something happened. The parent would be slaughtered far more than the McCanns, and rightly so.

Ok well it’s not 1940 anymore, hope that helps 👍🏻

As I always say, you're not doing me a favour if you're expecting me to facilitate the bloody favour. The underhanded behaviour would just piss me off more.

What a stupid, pointless 'offer.' 🙄

Just tell her she needn't take your son. Don't be nasty, just say 'nah it's OK Julie, it's just far too much driving for me, for him to go with you for just 3 days. 12 hours of driving is a lot. So we'll say no this time. Maybe another time eh?'

If she doesn't like it, tough titties... Her 'offer' is pathetic. Nothing but a massive ballache for you.

Actually my DNephew 7 wouldn’t be allowed on a train by himself. I was taking the piss a bit!

No I wouldn’t.

I was actually! I don’t have children.

It's nice that your SIL loves your son and wants to treat him, but if she's so keen to spend time with him, then she can:

• take him on a shorter trip another time
• take him away for the full week this time (driving him there and back)
• take him away for part of the week, but they do the driving there and back

6hrs - TWICE! - is a really big ask, particularly when your son isn't that fussed and has the opportunity to go on holidays with his immediate family. However, I can see this is something my mother would have done for me. So it's not wrong if you wanted to do it, but it's also not wrong for you to say, 'no, I don't want to drive that much. Perhaps you can take him away for a shorter period another time. Have a great trip!'

MIL is crazy to get involved at all.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain in large groups I think. But even so, I don't think we'd ever look back at 8 year olds being sent unaccompanied on trains to be evacuated or to boarding school, and think it was an experience worth repeating!

Yeah this... The OP's sister is very likely the same sort of person who buys people those dreadful 'experiences!' (That they never asked for!) You know, the ones that cost the buyer around £25, but cost the recipient a couple of hundred pounds, with travel costs, and overnight stays.

She was only messing 👌🏻 😂

This. Simple.

Oh I hate these things where saying no makes you the villain. You are NOT being unreasonable that’s too much driving!

we decided a year ago that driving there & back to PIL with DS totalling 8 hours wasn’t worth less than 48 hours childcare - We became the villains.

You’re being entirely reasonable.

After my recent experience of trains I'm reluctant to catch one myself and nervous of my 16 year old catching them.

So as not to be too cryptic groups of druggies seems to be par for the course and one particular druggy was shouting in the carriage to his mate how he was going to "knock you out and knock out everyone in this carriage". Hell would freeze over before I would let an 8 year old catch a train alone.

I have caught one return train (Worcester to London) in the last year and have the crime number to prove it.

To answer a few questions

Im I’m not going to put ds on a train, he’s 8. That’s crazy.

Yes I do have work and other children. Although I’m not actually at work on the days she wants me to drive. But I do have other commitments at home and quite frankly I don’t want to waste money/my annual booking a hotel nearby for a holiday that I don’t even want to go on.

It’s not babysitting. I didn’t ask her to come up with this idea. In fact I’ve never ask them to babysit even once. She came up with the idea herself and now her and mil think I’m a witch ruining my sons life.

I highly doubt they’d meet me half way as they are selling this to me as that they are doing me a big favour and I’m an ungrateful cow for not wanting any part of it.

I don’t really know what there is to fall out over. You don’t want to do the drive (fair enough) so he can’t go, and you don’t feel he’s missing out as he other opportunities to go on holiday.

why is it such a big deal to the sister if he does or doesn’t go? Sure it’s a lovely offer but you’re his mum, I can’t see what there is to discuss after you’ve said thanks but no thanks.

It would be a definite no from me, and I would absolutely jump down SIL's throat for having asked DS himself without having checked with me first that it would be OK.

She was absolutely out of order to do that. I remember pulling my MIL up on it once. She'd just done it carelessly but never did it again.

She’s fallen out because she thinks I’m a cow for not taking her up on her generous offer and she thinks I’m a horrible mum for ruining ds fun.

No thank you! Also next time before commenting on future plans to the child, id tell them speak to mum first please. If they don’t have-want children that’s fine but understand nephew is not a “toy”. They can’t pick and choose when and where they want to have him. It doesn’t work like that. No I’d decline and explain why.

Well none of that is try, is it. So ignore her. You are the parent so you make the decisions regarding your own child. The end.

Yeah... Nope.

They should have asked you first before telling your son. Both, would it be ok if he spent time away with us? And, are you willing to drive for 12 hours in one week to make it happen?

Let her bitch and whinge all she wants.

No way!

“Thank you for the lovely offer but unfortunately I can’t spare the time (and petrol money!) to get him there and back” is a perfectly valid excuse. The only unreasonable one is her for not accepting this.

6 hours drive in a day is a lot, and if you hit bad traffic it could be much longer. That's not even safe, you'd be knackered.