To not be prepared to drive all this way?

[Absolutelynocluee]

My sil and her dh are going away in the Easter holidays for a caravan holiday. They have offered to take my 8yo ds, on the condition that I drive him there and pick him up. This is because it’s their holiday so they only want to have him for a few nights in the middle. So let’s say that they are going away for 7 nights, they only want to have him for 3. It’s a 3 hour drive. So for me I’d be driving for 6 hours twice. With going there and back.

It’s caused a falling out because I have said that I don’t want to drive.

I haven’t asked them to take him away, we go on holiday ourselves at least once or twice a year so it’s not like it would be his only chance to have a holiday.

There wouldn’t be enough room for me to stay too and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go and haven’t been invited.

Dh can’t do the drive because he will be working.

Aibu to simply not be prepared to do this?

Sorry but too much protest and manipulation going on. Its giving me a weird vibe and my child would not be leaving my side to go on this trip.

Because of the weird underhand and insistent behaviour - just no.

I don't think most people believe sending 8 year olds to boarding school is normal nowadays.

Suggest mil drives him. That should stop her intervening.

Let DH deal with the communications. You can't do it, so if he can't/doesn't want to then it's not going to happen. But it needs to be him saying no, not you. He can do the politicking with his own family.
And surely you can't be expected to drag the other DC there and back, especially when they haven't been invited. Make it clear to DSH that it's a hard no, and they shouldn't have spoken to DS without clearing it with his parents first, and the only way it can happen is if someone else takes him.

SIL is a weirdo, happy to help 😂

They offered to have him for 3 days if you take him, and pick him up.
This doesn't suit you.
You say "no thank you".

There's nothing more to this, surely?

I wouldn’t do the drive either… you haven’t asked her to take him so you can have a break/need to go somewhere and she mentioned it to your child before checking with you.
If she wants to spend quality time with him she didn’t need to ask you to drop him off midway through her holiday and then collect him, she could plan a day trip somewhere.
It’s lovely she wants to spend time with him but why does it have to be all or nothing and I don’t understand why it’s caused a falling out?!
Surely you just say thanks for the offer but it’s not convenient, no one has the right to take someone else’s child on holiday for a few days…
I always offer to take my niece when we go for a long weekend at our van as she gets on well with her cousin of a similar age, my brother and SIL worry she won’t sleep at night well etc without them so they say they’ll visit for the day at some point when we’re there. I don’t get all arsey about them not wanting to, she’s their daughter!

Oh let her act like a spoilt brat. You never asked her to invite your DS. If she wanted to treat him, she could have booked a weekend break close to home. It’s madness to expect you to do 6hr round trip.

YaNbu

"Thanks for the offer, that's just not going to work. We can sort something else out".

I wouldn't be talking any further to SIL, you DH can do that. I wouldn't be talking to MIL about this at all.

I wouldn't be prepared to drive that much.

If you have other DC, and your SIL, does not have DC, why has only DS been invited?

Well obviously there is as there’s been a family fall out now. Hence the post asking for viewpoints of others.

What’s the problem? 3 hour drive is not the end of the world, sounds like a fun road trip to be honest.

sorry not read all the replies so I’ve probably missed loads on details 🤦‍♂️

Exactly. Your SiL has disappointed your Ds8, not you.

Other grown ups should not make plans with DC.

It's 3 hours each way, so 6 hours driving. To be repeated 3 days later.

No thats an insane thing to expect you to do, I can't believe they think its acceptable.

Why are they so desperate to have your son there?

Yep….. still don’t understand the issue

Why has it caused a fall out? You are under no obligation to send your child anywhere. I would be concerned at any grown adult desperate to spend time alone with my child. Im sorry its weird for there to be a failing out over it. And your mil putting pressure too? What the hell has it got to do with her??

They aren't being reasonable. They should understand that. You'll be driving all that in one day, I would drive six hours for my own week long family holiday but not to drop my children off somewhere I'm not bothered about them going.. They don't sound very understanding.

YANBU

A 6 hour return drive is going to be more than that anyway with traffic. So she is asking you to take 2 days out of your week because they can't be bothered / don't want to do it themselves.

I know you say she has fallen out with you but you are the one entitled to fall out with her - it was completely inappropriate for her to suggest this to your son without your approval.

I'd be blunt - send a message saying if they want him to go then they take him/bring him back and if they aren't prepared to do that then he doesn't go. MIL can mind her own business.

YANBU

OP why don't you arrange a couple of nights away for you and DH while you're down there? So drop DS off and then have a little holiday on your own before you pick him back up again?

Because she doesn't want to?

Surely...you haven't read the OP's posts have you?

They haven't offered, they've demanded (and spoken about it to the DS before they spoke to OP and her husband). And OP keeps saying no but the SIL won't accept it and is calling OP a mean cow.

So yes, there is rather a lot more to this. Surely.

They sound very odd! I wouldnt continue conversation about this with them and would ask my DH to explain in words of few syllables that the discussion was over and that they felt entitled to what they were demanding was actually weird as fuck.

Why are they only offering to take one child if you have several?
I wouldn't do it either. It's a long journey and to do it to drop off and pick up is expecting too much. They either want to take him for the duration or not bother.

He's 8 years old!!!