So, how is it actually possible for our adult kids to ever move out of home?

[cateringday]

I’m imagining it’s the same for a lot of people.
two kids 20 and 18, they both actually have £10000 in the bank as an inheritance but can’t see how they would ever get enough for a deposit or pay a mortgage. If they rent then all that money will be gone anyway.

how old are kids leaving home these days

we live in the south east

Can they move out? Yes.
Can they move out, save for deposit and buy in their 20's in expensive areas? Unlikely.

My DS lives with his girlfriend and has done since his last year of uni. Now 22. Dd2 moved out at 19 ( to the RAF)

Up north, mine was 27, him and gf saved through the first time buyers ISA scheme for 2 years each so had 10k each i believe and we gave them £5k and her parents gave them £5k

Ok I understand the moving into a house share. I did all that and also lived in squats ! But one is never going to earn enough to save if they are paying rent. The other one might do but she is going to uni first.

The money is in LISA yes

Yes, pretty much everyone I know lived in house shares of varying quality for some years after graduation. For most of my friends, staying in the family home just wasn't an option due to location.

If you have family in and around London and can stay with parents whilst saving that's a huge bonus.

I don’t need to hear all the ‘in my day’ stuff. I know how it was in the past, it’s different now though.

I wonder how much having adult children living at home contributes to the divorces?

I love my adult dc but when do parents get a break nowadays? They go through all of the financial and emotional stress of raising teenagers, the exam stress, then we provide financial and emotional support through the university years, and maybe driving lessons and a car on top.

Then we have them back at home after university for an extended adolescence of five to ten years which can be incredibly frustrating for both parties, especially when everyone is working from home, then we are expected to provide a wedding fund and a flat deposit when they move out. And before we know it we are providing childcare for grandchildren!

That’s slightly tongue in cheek and I know things are incredibly difficult accommodation wise, especially in the S. East currently , but the majority of today’s youngsters get a lot more parental support than my generation ever did.

I lived in a house share in London with shared bathrooms and kitchens for a decade before I moved in with my bf and even then we were renting for six years in a really grim flat before we could buy a tiny flat of our own outside of the capital.

I know many of those old house share properties are no longer available and finding anything decent to buy for an affordable price is nigh on impossible and I do really sympathise but both of my adult dc have not had to struggle in the same way me and their father did, tech has given them greater work flexibility and more choices. They travel far more than we ever did. Many of our friends feel the same way about their offspring too. So yes, things are difficult, but it’s not all gloom and doom.

I got a mortgage on 95% with a ten grand deposit. It is possible

Yes I just say I feel like I kind of expected them to leave home around 18/20 like I did. But I’m pretty sure we have another ten years, at least with one of them

Recently? And your earnings?

In my experience, the couples I work with tend to have already been experiencing a relationship breakdown for a while but they do not begin divorce proceedings until their children are adults so as to provide stability for them whilst they are in education etc.

I do also wonder if some university accommodation has altered expectations. We were in shared housing, of dubious standard, one bathroom between 5 and that was very normal. Student accommodation now all seems to be private rooms in purpose built blocks with en suite bathrooms. It must be hard to have a graduate job and find that you have to live somewhere worse than when you were a student.

Well as my DS gradated in 2025 it hasn't changed that much surely He lives in a cheaper part of Essex. My DD bought her smallish flat in a less popular t( cheaper) town nearby.

We are currently turning an unused bedroom into a 20ft lounge for the kids (currently 9&10) that can grow with them. They have the entire floor to themselves (both have large bedrooms plus bathroom) yes we are very fortunate but we are future proofing knowing that the kids can stay and save for as long as they want/need to. We are unable to financially help them (all our money is in the house) so this is something we can do.

How is it different? I rented until I was 35, in house shares to begin with, then in nice places with my partner. Eventually we were able to buy, and neither of us were remotely high earners at the time. That was only a few years ago.

That describes my son's uni accomodation. 4 rooms ( for 4 people) with one bathroom and kitchen shared

Why would it be ten years? If they’re working, what are they doing / planning to do with their money? I know plenty of young people in their early twenties who have moved out of their parents’ houses. Some live in rented house shares, some live in rented flats of their own, some have managed to save up enough for a deposit and have their sights set on being able to buy a starter flat in the next couple of years. Obviously there will be young people whose parents can’t afford to house them without significant board being paid, but that will still leave a young person living at home even earning minimum wage able to save a few hundred a month if they’re careful, and get themselves set up for moving out.

I’m not going to go all avocado toast about it because I know it’s not as simple as not going out for breakfast so you can save a mortgage deposit; but some young people seem to be of the idea that they should be able to keep their current lifestyle - running a nice car, having a fairly expensive social life, a new phone, nice clothes and beauty products, subscriptions, holidays - AND be able to pay rent or a mortgage on somewhere really nice, and the reality is that no, you probably can’t do all that in your early twenties (unless you have the salary to match - also possible, depending on what they intend to do for a career) but that’s always been the reality for many people. Early adulthood did involve prioritising whether to save and rough it a bit or whether to enjoy yourself.

Are they working? Even if studying

You might not like this but they could move to a more affordable area. SE is the most expensive but we are on a large island. Most costs are similar, apart from housing. Move away from SE and the housing possibilities expand hugely.

I agree re rentals but if my DD can live for a few years at home and save to buy then surely that’s a better goal?
we can’t afford to gift our kids a lump sum but can afford to subsidise them month to month by having them at home paying nominal rent.
DD doesn’t live at home because it’s an easier option. She obviously feels the loss of independence but she’s holding firm (and her tongue 😜) for the longer term.
We don’t begrudge that because nothing is more secure than your own home and we were fortunate that we didn’t face the challenges that they do now.

DD could afford to move into rental now but wouldn’t be able to save what she does now.
If, however, she’s still living at home two years from now, I think she or us would be forcing the rental route

I have adult DD's and my eldest is 25 and rents with her fiance. They both have full time jobs and are adding to savings each month to get together a deposit for their own place.

They are realistic in that their first home will be either a starter home or an apartment/flat. Their projections are they should have enough saved to buy when they are around 30.

Yes, its a lot of money wasted on rent in the meantime but they are happy and know that this is the only way for them to get a place of their own one day in the future.

I wish we had some money to help them with this, and in a few years time we should have (but they are not aware of this) but for now they know that for them saving is the only way it will one day happen.

But it is WAY tougher for the youngsters today to get on the property ladder.

My DD's fume when I tell them my first house, a 3 bed semi with a garage, cost £46K and I sold it 4 years later for just over 110K.😳

Not really. You get a job, save up a deposit and first month's rent and costs, then you move into a place you can afford to rent.
If you can't afford to save as well as pay rent, you don't.

Nothing different to.its always been

The older one applies for at least ten jobs every week, they dropped out of uni. No job. Also autistic. Really trying but social awkwardness probably doesn’t help. The younger one is going to uni this year. She has worked since 13.

Well does the one not going to uni work?
Do they want to move out?
Is the freedom and experience of living with friends worth a few years of not saving for a mortgage?
They could always come back if they needed to.

If one is going to uni could you offer the equivalent in financial support to springboard their adult life?