To think FIL was BU to leave children to go to end of street?

[smallholdingdreams]

Hi,

DH and I were working from home today and were out for a couple of hours on appointments.

FIL was at our house looking after DC, one just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago and the other is 5. 5 year old on waiting list for assessment for suspected ADHD and can have frequent angry outbursts resulting in hitting/kicking/throwing things/pushing 3 year old, so you can’t really leave them alone and incidents can happen very fast.

Realised later on that FIL locked them in the house to walk to the end of the street, where he was parked, to get a bag of tumble dried bedding from his car, something not necessary and could definitely have waited until we were back. My 5 year old can unlock the front door from the inside.

I know back in ‘our day’ parents used to do all sorts so it’s not the most horrific thing in the world but I still feel quite annoyed, given how fast my 5 year old can turn, that it only takes mere seconds for something to happen. DH thinks it’s fine and we don’t need to mention it.

He wouldn't be looking after my dc ever again

I wouldn't bother mentioning it. I just wouldn't leave him alone in charge with them again.

How long was he gone?

Find alternative childcare.

I grew up in the 80’s and the supervision we were given was woefully inadequate. If your FIL is Gen X or a boomer then you know that they are unlikely to be responsible to look after children.

No I wouldn't leave them to go to the end of the street at that age

It's not something I would do. How far is the end of the street?

I them it depends on the situation.

• Was the 'end of the street' a handful of houses away in a quiet residential area, or a few hundred metres along a busy road?
• what were the kids doing at the time. If the youngest was napping and the eldest watching TV and the car was close that's very different from them being sat playing together.

It could be no different in reality to popping to grab something in the garden, which most people would do. Equally, it might not.

So whether it's acceptable or not, and whether it's bad enough to say something or not would really depend.

Like the debates about leaving your child to go to the shops - I've lived somewhere that would be a 10m walk, and I've lived somewhere it was 2 doors down. It massively changes the answer.

Depends how far away the car was. Might have been quicker than taking a dump for example. Is he allowed to do that?

What an absurd view. Anyone who regularly looked after that combination of children, regardless of 'generation', would know they couldn't safely be left.
Such ageist rubbish is just plain wrong.

He could have taken them with him

If …. is Gen X or a boomer then you know that they are unlikely to be responsible to look after children.
Utter BS.

What utter bollocks is this?
Ageist claptrap at it's best.

Depends how far end of the street was. Can they open or can they unlock?

if it’s locked could they actually open it?

Depends how far the end of the street is, for us it's 4 houses and less distance than it is to the end of the garden to hang out washing

Gen X? Really? I'm Gen X and my kids were never left without supervision. This FIL wouldn't be watching my children again until they were much older.

Even that's too far. It takes mere seconds for a child to be seriously hurt.

When you say this I imagine 5-10 min there and back?
I would leave a 3 and 5 year old on their own in a different room for 10 min so not sure how that's different (my kids are slightly younger and can easily disappear in their room or the playroom for an hour).

If your eldest can open the front door then you need to fix that by changing the lock or adding a bolt he can't reach.

It's a bit different than leaving the house though. If you are in the house with them and they are playing in their rooms, you can normally hear that they are okay and what they are up to. If something changes, you can act. You can't do that if you're down the road for any length of time.

Well that an unreasonable generalisation.

Thanks for replies all.

3 year old doesn’t nap anymore (I wish!) and they would have been playing.

He definitely didn’t take them with him, we have a Ring. You can’t see the end of the street from our house, it’s not ridiculously far but still a fairly busy residential street.

Yes, it was a few minutes but when in the house I do think you can hear them and respond, whereas it takes seconds for my 5 year old to suddenly go from being fine and lovely, to shoving (sometimes in dangerous places) or lashing out in another way, or for something else to happen.

DH thinks it’s laughable that I’d be worried about it.

This.

He has poor judgement and cannot be trusted.
I wouldnt even bother discussing it but he'd never be alone with them again.

Im shocked at your dh.

Your oldest is 5. With no real intention beyond impulse they could have seriously harmed the 3 yo.

I would either not ask fil ti babysit again or explain you don’t want him to leave the kids in that scenario and would prefer him to wait until you are home.
id be disappointed in my dh.

Just ask him not to do it again. It sounds like it was a few minutes, he wasn’t far and nothing happened.

Think your DH may be a bigger problem if he thinks this is laughable