To think FIL was BU to leave children to go to end of street?

[smallholdingdreams]

Hi,

DH and I were working from home today and were out for a couple of hours on appointments.

FIL was at our house looking after DC, one just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago and the other is 5. 5 year old on waiting list for assessment for suspected ADHD and can have frequent angry outbursts resulting in hitting/kicking/throwing things/pushing 3 year old, so you can’t really leave them alone and incidents can happen very fast.

Realised later on that FIL locked them in the house to walk to the end of the street, where he was parked, to get a bag of tumble dried bedding from his car, something not necessary and could definitely have waited until we were back. My 5 year old can unlock the front door from the inside.

I know back in ‘our day’ parents used to do all sorts so it’s not the most horrific thing in the world but I still feel quite annoyed, given how fast my 5 year old can turn, that it only takes mere seconds for something to happen. DH thinks it’s fine and we don’t need to mention it.

So I presume if it was benefitting you he’d tumble dried your stuff.
I get that accidents can happen in a split second but I don’t think your FIL did anything wrong. It’s no different to you leaving the children unattended whilst you have a shower, hang washing out etc.

Well said. I too grew up in the 60s. One of my best memories was during the summer my sister & I making a packed lunch and going off on our bikes and coming back in time for dinner. My parents had a rough idea where we were but often we’d change our mind.
I totally agree children these days need to stop being mollycoddled. I’m sure some on here would be horrified that my sons were more or less given the same freedom I was and they grew up in the 90s.

80’s kids would understand. It isn’t just my experience. It’s the experience of my entire generation. We didn’t have mobile phones. We went swimming without supervision (in the pool and at the beach), we played all day outside and our parents had no idea where we were. I drove my bike all over the town I lived in.

I think this experience was still common in the 90s, it was after that it started to change.

I have similar memories but honestly mine involve being flashed at and molested, one of the children in my class drowned, I very narrowly escaped being squashed by a lorry (was not looking properly as I crossed the road on my bike; it was my fault but this would have been scant comfort to anyone had I died, I imagine!)

My brother and I used to fight pretty nastily at home without anyone supervising and other children could turn a bit lord of the flies without adults around.

I think a balance is good. I really don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing for very young children to be disappearing for hours at a time. Good for adults though.

If your DH wants them to have the chance to babysit again then he needs to raise it. Otherwise they will not be safe to watch them again.

Really?? Being in the same house and doing household tasks is totally different to going down the road! Doesn’t matter if it was a favour to OP or not.

It was a few mins and as others said like going to the toilet, putting clothes away , or into Garden etc is the same amount

going forward just say to fil to not leave them in the house if he needs to pop out

jam sandwich approach

we love you looking after dc while we work

then mention not going out alone

we so appreciate you and they love spending time with you

ha I was going to say, “what if you need a poo” but you put it more elegantly!

Haven't read the whole thread but I would leave mine to nip out to the garden etc. for a couple of minutes so I would imagine it didn't occur to him that you'd be upset about it.

I think you’re right. It’s about balance. I also agree it’s not good for very young children. When we did it my sister and I were 12/13. My sons would be around 9/10 and they’d go off and build dens and Tarzan swings. I knew where they were as the woods were only 5 minutes from the house.

What a ridiculous, generalised statement.

I always thought it was a shit sandwich

nice thing,
shit thing
nice thing

You could be right pmsl 😂😂💩💩😂😂

Most ridiculous comment on the internet today!

This is a ridiculous over-generalisation.

God knows how my kids are alive when DH takes 20 mins in the loo

You can still hear what is going on when you're in the loo.

20 minutes - he might want more fibre or to see a doctor about that.

I'm another gen x and was wondering if I needed to inform social services that they needed to come and remove my child to a place of safety as apparently I'm incapable.

What a stupid sweeping statement. You need to row up.

A lot of my kids' friends' parents are Gen X! Some Gen X people in their mid forties-early 50s are literally giving birth right now,
I wouldn't say they're any less safe to look after kids than elder millennials like me.

So you can speak on behalf of an entire generation.
Do you realise how stupid this sounds.
Obviously not.

He grabbed something from the car, which was close enough for you to see from ring doorbell.

I wouldn’t be too worried about this. I bet it was 90 seconds ish tops. But if you are worried, ask him not to do it again and explain why.

80s kid here. What you’re describing was a brilliant life back then. Admit you threw a whole generation of parents under the bus because of some issue you had with your parents.

Mine were great!