To think FIL was BU to leave children to go to end of street?

[smallholdingdreams]

Hi,

DH and I were working from home today and were out for a couple of hours on appointments.

FIL was at our house looking after DC, one just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago and the other is 5. 5 year old on waiting list for assessment for suspected ADHD and can have frequent angry outbursts resulting in hitting/kicking/throwing things/pushing 3 year old, so you can’t really leave them alone and incidents can happen very fast.

Realised later on that FIL locked them in the house to walk to the end of the street, where he was parked, to get a bag of tumble dried bedding from his car, something not necessary and could definitely have waited until we were back. My 5 year old can unlock the front door from the inside.

I know back in ‘our day’ parents used to do all sorts so it’s not the most horrific thing in the world but I still feel quite annoyed, given how fast my 5 year old can turn, that it only takes mere seconds for something to happen. DH thinks it’s fine and we don’t need to mention it.

For those posters talking about leaving their young dc in another room or whilst they nip into the garden please reread the op.
This man locked 3 small children 1 a toddler and the other with SEN in the house alone whilst he fucked off down the road. Anything could have happened and he wouldn't have heard it, known about it or done anything to help until he managed to get back to the house and unlocked the door.
Oh and to the agest poster no gen X and boomers wouldn't have done this my boomer parents didn't and I (gen X) would never do it either. This is not a generational thing but a shitty parents thing

What utter, ignorant, drivel. How generations have survived and continued the human race whilst GenX have been parents I will never understand 🙄

I can see why he’d think this was okay although I wouldn’t have done it (I didn’t even like going to the car when the kids were little and we lived in a house with street parking). But I think it’s a simple ask not to do it again as opposed to blowing up your only childcare option. He should have the chance to fix it.

ageist

Why don’t you have a straightforward conversation with him and re-iterate that he can’t leave them in the house unsupervised even for 2 minutes and the reasons why.

He’s not used to looking after them 24/7 on his own and view this as a training opportunity.

I’m Gen X (!!) with a teenager and also adult DC and grandchildren. I’m aware that my adult DC choose to do some things differently to me so I’m happy to follow their rules for their children. (Baby led weaning for one. I hate the messiness but that’s their preferred method. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Don’t be stupid.

Wow
Way to tar 2 whole Generations!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read such utter, ageist, BS. I brought up two kids in the 80s with good, responsible standards towards child safety. They are now in their 40s doing the same thing. I have done years of childcare for grandkids following all current advice but mainly common sense.

Perhaps you were poorly parented but don't assume that that was the norm.

The total “journey” there and back was minutes according the OP herself. It’s exactly the same as getting something from the garage, the shed, hanging out a wash while they play upstairs - all perfectly normal things for this age range.

If you grew up in the 80s then surely you're gen x?

I’d only be worried because the 5 year old can have sudden outbursts and hurt his sibling. If they were both NT children and he locked them in to leave the house for what must have only been a couple of minutes then no worries. It’s the context surrounding it that’s the issue.

Not in a locked house its not

My children are permanently locked in the house because why would you leave the door unlocked with young children roaming about?
Would it be preferable if he left the door unlocked while doing the 2 minute walk (at older man pace) to his car?

It was a few minutes and there were 2 other adults at home who would surely have intervened if they was a fight.

Especially if it is your families clothes that have been tumble dried while he also provides childcare i can see why dh does not want to complain. Perhaps you could very gently ask him to let you know if going to car and you will take a coffee break. Otherwise if you're not comfortable look into alternatives childcare options.

It was a few minutes and there were 2 other adults at home who would surely have intervened if they was a fight.

Especially if it is your families clothes that have been tumble dried while he also provides childcare i can see why dh does not want to complain. Perhaps you could very gently ask him to let you know if going to car and you will take a coffee break. Otherwise if you're not comfortable look into alternatives childcare options.

What a ridiculous comment 🙄

I would mention it

tell your fil that although this used to happen in his day - its why the majority of accidents involving children happened in the home - so now its not the done thing and he would never forgive himself if something happened and you blamed him.

There isn't any need to be anything but matter of fact about it, but it needs to be said or something along those lines if you want him to babysit again.

It's not been done with malice, it's been done as he doesn't know any better. So tell him

I grew up in the 60s, so I am one of those parents you despise, I guess.

I played out every day, made dens, got dirty, used my imagination, had arguments then made up, my parents wouldn't have dreamed of contacting the school at the drop of a hat and I most definitely was not tracked everywhere.

At the risk of being as ridiculously over generalising as you, a lot of kids today would benefit from a bit more freedom and independence and left to sort out their own issues, as the overbearing and suffocating parenting I read on here on a daily basis is far from perfect.

In my opinion.

you may well be a gen x Brought up in the 1980s and totally incapable or responsible of caring for a small child - don't include the rest of boomers and gen x in with your incapability

You just got unlucky.

Gen X (which I am, with a strong moto of ‘safety first’) and Boomers can’t all be tarred with the same brush!

How long is the street, as Julia Roberts once said "Give it to me in yards"? Two houses down to the end of the cul de sac in a sleepy suburb, yabu; 50 yards or so on a relatively busy main road, he is irresponsible.

A Gen X could be aged 46 with their own 10 year old. lol

Toddlers? You take them with you. Older, you're still in the house and can hear them. It's not hard.

What!!!! I would suggest if that was your experience it was due to your personal situation. It certainly wasn't the norm.

Mine are grown and perfectly independent. OP has made clear one of her kids is impulsive and prone to injuring their sibling very quickly. These kids shouldn't have been left alone without an adult in the house.