18 year old dd will not let me attend A-level parents' evening

[18yearoldhell]

Since starting sixth form, dd has become more teenagery than she ever was at 14 years old.
Rude, entitled, ungrateful and demand-avoidant. Was never any issues before and couldn't believe how we had sailed through her early teenage years.

Parents' evening email came round. She is year 13. The expectation is that the student books the appointments for the parent (there is no other option).

DD is point blank refusing to do so. Says she's 18, an adult and it is pointless.

AIBU to expect to go to her parents' evening? She thinks I am utterly ridiculous and 'no one' elses' parents will be going and most teachers aren't evening doing appointments (yeah right).

Interested how other parents would play this.

Oh that will really help her education won't it.?🙄

They would've been under 18 though

Fair

Universities will not inform parents of anything unless there are serious safeguarding concerns.

The student would have been under 18 though so the example is irrelevant.

I didn't invite my parents to A-level parents evening or AS-levels for that matter, I turned 18 in the sept and thought it was ridiculous that you'd need to report to my parents. I got really good grades, it had nothing to do with failing or skipping classes. My parents never asked. Once they go to uni a few months later the university won't even communicate with you without your adult child's permission and if they have a saturday job you wouldn't attend a meeting to give you feedback on how they are doing at work.

Parents evening. 🙄
Leave her alone.

Legally yes 18 makes them an "adult". But it doesn't make them make them magically mature. And it doesn't magically change the fact that you're still their parent

Phone the school and speak with her co-ordinator and ascertain that DD is enrolled in school and attending.

Don't offer any parental generosity unless she is polite.
No paying for any extras, snacks, petrol, car rego. hobby fees etc. No doing her washing or cooking if she is rude.

Book DD into a career advisor so that she can plan her adult future in a realistic way. She needs some inspiration and incentive to put her energy into herself rather all into the boyfriend and social life.

Yes. Strange how they're (apparently) adults if over 18 and in 6th form so parents have no right to be involved in discussing progress, but their parents' income is assessed for finance when they go to university...

I know. The parents' income is still assessed with the view that they will provide financial support, however.

Parents of a child for some issues, but the child is an adult for others, it seems.

As parents we always took an active role in our DC's education. Through primary, secondary and at uni. Attended all parents evening to see how they were doing and to best support them.

It may not mean they are mature but they still have the same rights as any other adult.

They can also get married without parents permission, vote in a general election - the laws have changed concerning 16 year olds getting married, this is now forbidden.
Possibly the age of adulthood should be raised to 21? But for now the laws are set at 18 years old

Because everyone is saying that they are autonomous adults whose school performance is protected under GDPR - so presumably are expected to be fully independent from their parents ?

Parents aren't forced to pay though.

Legally yes. But practically parenting doesn't and shouldn't stop.

Sounds like the new boyfriend is the real problem.

So not that much of an adult then.

My parents didn’t come to my year 13 parents evenings. I had moved out in year 12, was studying at 2 schools and working to pay rent and food and for my car (which I bought and had no help with).

It doesn’t work both ways. Can’t be a dependent and an adult. She needs to decide which she wants to be, doesn’t she.

ffs

Why have you given your daughter a car? She’s behaving like an absolute brat!

It doesnt mske them less of an adult though
Im still getting child benefit and universal credit for my 19 year old
But, no professionals etc will talk to me about his studies ,health etc, without his consent.

@18yearoldhell It sounds as though she has very late onset teen attitude. Ours was the opposite, a complete nightmare until her GCSEs, revved up again for a while after that. I was glad she went to uni.
If she's being horrible to you while you're nice to her you have nothing to lose. Call the school and make your own appointments. Calmly tell her that's what you're doing. I fully understand the "picking your battles" I had to let some things slide because she was draining me.
If you aren't happy with the teachers feedback, tell her the things you're going to do. If she's having meltdowns anyway, it doesn't make any difference if she has them over this.

Prepare yourself.

She's not going to Uni in Sept. She's flunking out. She knows this or is in denial about it and doesn't want to face the reality of it.

Being financially self sufficient and being considered an adult by law have never been connected.