18 year old dd will not let me attend A-level parents' evening

[18yearoldhell]

Since starting sixth form, dd has become more teenagery than she ever was at 14 years old.
Rude, entitled, ungrateful and demand-avoidant. Was never any issues before and couldn't believe how we had sailed through her early teenage years.

Parents' evening email came round. She is year 13. The expectation is that the student books the appointments for the parent (there is no other option).

DD is point blank refusing to do so. Says she's 18, an adult and it is pointless.

AIBU to expect to go to her parents' evening? She thinks I am utterly ridiculous and 'no one' elses' parents will be going and most teachers aren't evening doing appointments (yeah right).

Interested how other parents would play this.

Absolutely! She's either a dependent or independent. Either comes with different responsibilities.
You have leverage here, OP. And for now, the school still views you as her responsible person, so you go to parents' evening.

stickygotstuck

Parents can be involved - with consent, but if that consent is withdrawn then unfortunately the law has to be abided by. Whether it is ridiculous is a matter of opinion

In my DCs large 6th form college there were no parents evenings, unless your DC was struggling.

But they answered emails about any concerns v promptly.
There was always access to a parent portal where expected grades were shown.

I would let her go to the parents evening by herself and email the individual teachers if you have concerns.

The law looks at it by age. Schools should be mindful of this when students are in year 13 or they could be breaking it. Have you heard of GPDR?

Yes 16 year olds with part time jobs don't get their employers phoning parents to discuss them

This exactly.

I would think as she is legally an adult neither you or the school can insist on parents being given information about her.

It would be interesting to know what the protocol is in universities in Scotland where so e are 17

Yes, I'm not an idiot. Have you heard of the KCSiE guidelines? I'm talking about support here. If there is a concern about a student's welfare and safety an 18 year old can be classed as a vulnerable adult/"adult at risk" and these guidelines say that safeguarding staff still have responsibilities. There are specific guidelines under this covering volunteers and staff working with students up to age 19.

Who does it look pretty poor to? Very strange.

This is a tough one op. It is an awkward stage if they do withdraw consent.
It brings up the question what is an adult again and its all very confusing. Parents can claim child benefit but if you have a disabled child they get given PIP at 16. No matter how vulnerable.
If you leave school at 16 you have to get a job no JSA if college isn't for you. The 16-19 is an awkward age in law and reality.

You run the risk of alienating her too if you go beyond her wishes. As pp said the uni won't often tell you. You can encourage and stop paying for her car etc while she talks disrespectfully to you. But as for education that may have to be natural consequences.

It’s parent’s evening. The clue is in the title.
I also wonder what she has to hide.
When my DS was at college, he didn’t get a chance to tell us we couldn’t go because it was non negotiable and he knew we were there to support him.
With my second, it was video calls. So I’d contact her tutor and ask for a call.

The law is also non negotiable and she is legally an adult and can withdraw consent .

If 18 year old school pupils are considered to be adults in the eyes of the law, why is child benefit still paid out for them ?

And will that student who is taking their parent/school to court for discussing a school report be living fully independently or are we looking at a “mum get out of my life, but first buy me a car, pay for my mobile and give me whatever I demand while cleaning up after me at home”?

If someone is acting like this, you can easily withdraw money for whatever you give them and tell them if they treat you like this then there's no way you'd provide your income details to student finance. Then they'd be scuppered.

This is statutory guidance from the Department for Education (‘the Department’) issued under Section 175 of the Education Act 2002 (as amended), the Education (Independent School Standards) Regulations 2014, the Non-Maintained Special Schools (England) Regulations 2015 and the Apprenticeships, Skills, Children and Learning Act 2009 (as amended). Schools and colleges in England must have regard to it when carrying out their duties to safeguard and promote the welfare of children. For the purposes of this guidance children includes everyone under the age of 18.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68add931969253904d155860/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_from_1_September_2025.pdf

where is this stating this is for adults over 18?

Twenty odd years ago my parents did not attend 6th form parents evenings and they were themselves teachers!

Phone up and ask to book over the phone. Just be honest. She’s acting like a child so you’ll have to respond.

Why shouldn't it be?

@nevernotmaybe You are being silly - deliberately. It costs more than £113 a month, which her parent may not get anyway, to feed, clothe and provide water and heat for a child before you get into rent payments. So if an 18 year old wants to be completely independent they move out and find out just how good they had it at home. Parents dont need to provide cars or pay car insurance.

OP obviously there is something going on that she doesnt want you to know about so phone the school and find out. If she is not already doing her own washing, and ironing if needed, why not? I wouldnt make her do all her own cooking but she needs to be making some meals.

That’s true.
So the OP can also withdraw her services and her purse. Her daughter can’t have it both ways.

Its up to all the adults involved what the living arrangements are set out as

I remember a thread a few years ago where the child refused to tell her parents her GCSE scores. So the parents phoned up the school and after a bit of back and forth parents finally found out the child's GCSEs.

OP, is she expecting you to support her financially if she goes to university?

Because if she is, I'd be saying it's off the table if in return, I'm not involved in supporting her progress at school.

I have heard of the guidance and it applies to children under the age of 18.