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Original poster

To have said I won't be having grandson anymore?

377 replies

Fireplays · 23/02/2026 18:38

My ds is 16 and teen years have been really difficult tbh with his behaviour and school attendance and just general attitude to everyone. He smokes weed and vapes and went completely off the rails, he was brought home by police a few times etc and as you can imagine it was an extremely stressful time.

He failed all his GCSEs, did he care? Nope. He currently goes to college but is on his last warning for attendance as he just wont get up in the morning.

He has a gf and she gave birth to their baby in June last year so he's now 8 months, considering she was heavily pregnant she did do well in her GCSEs and started a apprenticeship in January this year. I don't know what she sees in him tbh.

Before her apprenticeship started she asked me if I would have grandson 2 days a week and her mum has him the other days. I agreed and I usually pick him up at about 8:30 and have him all day I give him a bath here and get him ready for bed and usually drop him off at about 6. I also have him the odd afternoon if I can if her mum has somewhere to be as she also has younger children so it could be an appointment or whatever for them.

My son is at college (or supposed to be) during this time but even when he's home he doesn't do much for baby as “his gf asked me to babysit not him”.

The other day he came home from wherever and went to work on his motorbike.
I've told him today that if he gets kicked off his course then I won't be having grandson anymore and it'll be up to him to care for him and he flipped it back on me and accused me of not wanting to spend time with dgs and called me cruel etc and told his gf so now she's messaging me too

Was I really in the wrong?

OP posts:
Greyhound98 · 23/02/2026 18:43

In these circumstances I’d continue to look after the baby so his mum can gain her qualifications. You’re doing her the favour not your son.
That way when she sees sense and dumps your son, she’ll have the ability to earn and provide for her child, and you’ll still have a good relationship with them both.
Hopefully your son will mature a bit and become more involved with his child. But for now, take him out of the equation.

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 23/02/2026 18:44

It doesn’t sound as though your son is remotely mature enough to be caring for his son. If you don’t want to care for him then of course make that clear and stop doing jt, but I would not be entrusting the care of a young baby to your son, even if he is the father.

Bristolandlazy · 23/02/2026 18:45

No not if that's how you feel. You're trying to support him and he's taking the piss. How frustrating, not much of a future for him if he carries on like that, you must be so frustrated.

Barnbrack · 23/02/2026 18:46

He's still a child and the grandson is a defenseless baby. You can't necessarily stop your DS from doing what he's going to do but you can support this baby and mum and it will be in everyone's best interests

SunshineMel678 · 23/02/2026 18:46

I would prioritise the well-being of my 8 month old grandson.

His mum sounds responsible and hard working. You should continue to care for baby so she can build a future for this baby.

Your son does not sound safe or mature enough to care for a demanding 8 month old.

2chocolateoranges · 23/02/2026 18:46

Why punish your grandson because his dad is useless.

he sounds like a shit dad and doesn’t want to make a better life for himself or his own family. He sounds incredibly immature, not someone I would be wanting watch a baby.

at least baby’s mum is doing things to make her future better. I’d be supporting her every way I could.

Moonnstarz · 23/02/2026 18:47

I think you would be punishing the wrong people by saying you won't have your grandson any more - yourself (as the mum could stop your access to seeing him) and the baby's mum as she might find it difficult to complete the course.
Your son doesn't sound at all interested in his own child so I doubt he would be wanting custody so I think you need to be aware that saying you won't mind the grandson could affect you seeing him.

Mosman2020 · 23/02/2026 18:49

Don’t you enjoy spending two days a week with your grandson? Sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face

NutButterOnToast · 23/02/2026 18:49

Greyhound98 · 23/02/2026 18:43

In these circumstances I’d continue to look after the baby so his mum can gain her qualifications. You’re doing her the favour not your son.
That way when she sees sense and dumps your son, she’ll have the ability to earn and provide for her child, and you’ll still have a good relationship with them both.
Hopefully your son will mature a bit and become more involved with his child. But for now, take him out of the equation.

This. Your DS will grow up eventually.

In the meantime his gf seems to have her head switched on and is working and earning.

If you stop babysitting i doubt you will see your grandson, your DS isn't responsible enough to look after a baby.

Tiptopflipflop · 23/02/2026 18:50

At some point this girl is going to see sense and ditch your son. It sounds like he won't bother with the child once that happens. So the question is do you want to be able to see your GC at that point? If you have a good relationship with the mother and are supportive of her, then I imagine that GC will stay in your life even once they split up. If you don't have that relationship I suspect you'll lose contact.

Liminal1975 · 23/02/2026 18:53

You are very generous with your time @Fireplays .

Choosing not to continue with care seems reasonable. My concern would be that the relationship with your DIL/DGS would deteriorate or perhaps cease (Obviously I don't know your family dynamic). Unfortunately your son doesn't seem as if he is mature enough to parent in any way.

NovemberMorn · 23/02/2026 18:56

Is your son old enough to ride a motorbike legally?

I would continue looking after your GS if I were you. You are doing so for his sake, and helping out the mum, who does seem sensible.

Your son sounds like a waste of space, hopefully he will grow up before he gets any other poor young girl pregnant.

Ponoka7 · 23/02/2026 18:57

Your son is a waste of space, so you want to take it out on his girlfriend and your grandson? Yes you were really in the wrong. Get your son out of bed, make lots of noise etc. Even if he gets thrown out of college, he doesn't get to sleep in. Are these knee jerk reactions how you've been handling him, or do you actually have proper conversations about his future?

Viviennemary · 23/02/2026 18:58

Its a really difficult situation. Those two are nowhere near ready to be parents but they are. And you're the one picking up the pieces. Could he get a nursery place

LIZS · 23/02/2026 19:00

Why are you doing all the toing and froing? Dgs is their child so childcare is theirs to sort. Are they still together?

goz · 23/02/2026 19:00

Ultimately if you want to maintain a relationship with your grandchild I would probably continue the care if you’re able to. Your son is a completely shit father and if you’re relying on him facilitating your relationship with the grandchild when they split up you probably won’t have one!

itsmeits · 23/02/2026 19:03

he flipped it back on me and accused me of not wanting to spend time with dgs and called me cruel etc

And now you know why she stays with him. He deflects.
Who is the one not wanting to spend time with the child?
Who is the one passing responsibility?
Who is the one actively looking after the child so a young mum can get her qualifications?

No you were not in the wrong, if he is at home he should be looking after or helping to look after his child.

I don't see why he can't take on the responsibility when/if he is kicked out of college.
Contrary to his belief - one does not babysit ones own child, they parent the child.

Please continue to support her if you can not for him or her, for DGCs future.

Notmymarmosets · 23/02/2026 19:03

It's a huge ask to look after someone else's child two days a week. I wouldn't do it. But I would have made that clear I hope, long before the baby was born so no one had unrealistic expectations. I don't think ds is going to step up and look after the child either. He doesn't sound capable from what you say. So the mother will have to make other arrangements to ensure baby is safe. But none of this is actually your responsibility, don't let them make it your responsibility.

goz · 23/02/2026 19:04

Notmymarmosets · 23/02/2026 19:03

It's a huge ask to look after someone else's child two days a week. I wouldn't do it. But I would have made that clear I hope, long before the baby was born so no one had unrealistic expectations. I don't think ds is going to step up and look after the child either. He doesn't sound capable from what you say. So the mother will have to make other arrangements to ensure baby is safe. But none of this is actually your responsibility, don't let them make it your responsibility.

I mean it’s pretty shitty to put the entire responsibility onto the teen mother and by extension her family when it’s half OP’s son’s responsibility too.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 23/02/2026 19:05

Invest in your grandchild and his mum. That’s the best use of your time and energy. Let your DS grow up on his own time, don’t force him to be a crap dad now because that’s bad for you all.

I don’t know what to do about your DS- that’s really hard. But don’t take it out on your DGS and his mum.

Endofyear · 23/02/2026 19:10

I suppose that depends on whether you want to have a relationship with your grandson or not? Your irresponsible son isn't going to take care of him and by the sounds of him, I wouldn't leave a baby with him anyway. The baby's mother will probably meet someone else and your son will drop out of his baby's life. Do you want to become estranged from your grandson too?

fartotheleftside · 23/02/2026 19:12

Your son and the babysitting are two separate things here.

he is right that it’s no skin off his nose if you stop having his son, he will just lay about either way.

carry on providing the childcare and kick your son out. Does he have a dad he can live with?

Elisirdamour · 23/02/2026 19:14

I think you should continue to care for your grandchild. What you are doing is hugely important and valuable. Please keep helping them out. Your son is not mature enough to look after the child himself and you would be punishing the mother more than him if you withdrew your support anyway. Hopefully your son will grow up in the next few years and be grateful for everything you have done for him and his child.

HoppityBun · 23/02/2026 19:15

It’s a shame that you’re thinking of not supporting your DGS’s mother, given that you seem to like and respect her.

viques · 23/02/2026 19:17

Who is funding his vapes, weed and motorbike?

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