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Original poster

To have said I won't be having grandson anymore?

377 replies

Fireplays · 23/02/2026 18:38

My ds is 16 and teen years have been really difficult tbh with his behaviour and school attendance and just general attitude to everyone. He smokes weed and vapes and went completely off the rails, he was brought home by police a few times etc and as you can imagine it was an extremely stressful time.

He failed all his GCSEs, did he care? Nope. He currently goes to college but is on his last warning for attendance as he just wont get up in the morning.

He has a gf and she gave birth to their baby in June last year so he's now 8 months, considering she was heavily pregnant she did do well in her GCSEs and started a apprenticeship in January this year. I don't know what she sees in him tbh.

Before her apprenticeship started she asked me if I would have grandson 2 days a week and her mum has him the other days. I agreed and I usually pick him up at about 8:30 and have him all day I give him a bath here and get him ready for bed and usually drop him off at about 6. I also have him the odd afternoon if I can if her mum has somewhere to be as she also has younger children so it could be an appointment or whatever for them.

My son is at college (or supposed to be) during this time but even when he's home he doesn't do much for baby as “his gf asked me to babysit not him”.

The other day he came home from wherever and went to work on his motorbike.
I've told him today that if he gets kicked off his course then I won't be having grandson anymore and it'll be up to him to care for him and he flipped it back on me and accused me of not wanting to spend time with dgs and called me cruel etc and told his gf so now she's messaging me too

Was I really in the wrong?

OP posts:
Tacohill · 23/02/2026 19:49

Do you work?
Do you enjoy having your grandson?

What an incredible young lady his mum sounds.
She sounds incredible and your grandchild’s life is going to be good because he has such a fantastic mother who is supported by you and her mum.

If she didn’t have your support, then it’s likely she’ll not be able to do an apprenticeship and she’ll be on benefits or a low paid job and your grandson will be the one who suffers the most.

You need to separate your grandson from your child.
I would be so angry if this was my son. He’s an embarrassment.
The young woman who actually carried the baby, gave birth and is still recovering is trying her best to better her and her child’s life and your son is acting like a spoilt 10yo.

I would be stopping all luxuries and be telling him to move out.

Stopping your grandchild from coming over will only work in his favour.

Hopefully his gf leaves him soon.

Tiswa · 23/02/2026 19:50

Exactly how does not having your grandchild affect him other than he has even less responsibility - you aren’t punishing him but the mother

so the question is what relationship do you want with your grandson because making him a pawn in the clearly broken relationship between you and your son is only going to end one way.

no relationship with him at all because your son sure enough isn’t going to step up is he

if you do want to be a grandmother separate off looking after your grandson with your son

FaintingGoats · 23/02/2026 19:51

I’d keep the gf close, OP, if you want any sort of relationship with your grandson as he grows up. That would be my priority.

BoudiccaRuled · 23/02/2026 19:52

Mosman2020 · 23/02/2026 18:49

Don’t you enjoy spending two days a week with your grandson? Sounds like cutting off your nose to spite your face

Considering she's probably only in her 40s, the OP likely wasn't feeling ready to be a granny for another ten years or more. I have young adults and the absolute last thing I'd want to do is spend two days looking after a baby.

superking · 23/02/2026 19:55

I'd withdraw all but essential support from your DS (a bed to sleep in and basic meals) and tell him that any financial support you've given him in the past will now be redirected either directly to your GS in the form of food, nappies etc or kept by you as a wage for caring for his child.

Theroadt · 23/02/2026 19:57

Sorry, but how has he got the money for weed, vapes, motorbike if he’s at college (even if nominally) and not working??

SargeMarge · 23/02/2026 19:58

Theroadt · 23/02/2026 19:57

Sorry, but how has he got the money for weed, vapes, motorbike if he’s at college (even if nominally) and not working??

Spoilt parenting by the sounds of it.

JLou08 · 23/02/2026 20:00

Yes you were wrong. You used a baby as a pawn. Even if that wasn't morally wrong (it is), your DS clearly couldn't care less about the child so it achieves nothing. Your not obliged to do childcare and can say no but to use it as a threat for your son is wrong, even worse it won't actually affect your DS but will affect the babies mother and potentially the baby if mum can't complete the apprenticeship. It doesn't sound like your son is going to provide for the child so the mother could really do with support to enable her to provide for baby.

matresense · 23/02/2026 20:02

I wouldn’t threaten the baby. If I wanted to get to my son to grow up, I’d impose some rules and threaten to kick him out.

Studyunder · 23/02/2026 20:15

Greyhound98 · 23/02/2026 18:43

In these circumstances I’d continue to look after the baby so his mum can gain her qualifications. You’re doing her the favour not your son.
That way when she sees sense and dumps your son, she’ll have the ability to earn and provide for her child, and you’ll still have a good relationship with them both.
Hopefully your son will mature a bit and become more involved with his child. But for now, take him out of the equation.

This is the sensible, long term plan. It must be so difficult to not lose the plot with your son though!

1Messycoo · 23/02/2026 20:15

Keep looking after your GC and lay it on the line to your DS. He either pulls his weight or you kick him out.
if he is doing drugs and being irresponsible then he needs to face the consequences, which won’t happen if you don't apply boundaries. Sorry shitty words I know, but he is now a young adult and needs to be making life choices, which so far has been water
off a ducks back.

Original poster
Fireplays · 23/02/2026 20:16

Thanks for your replies everyone. I'm just at my wits end with ds and if he's kicked out if college he'll be doing got knows what as he definitely won't keep a job if he can't attend college 4 days a week and one of those days is only 12-4:30 just 4 short hours and if he's not at college he should be having grandson as the only reason he wasnt was because he was (supposed) to be at college himself.

I don't give him any money for weed or vapes neither does DH, I give him money for lunch but that's online. DH bought the motorbike for ds as a thing for them to do last year in hops him putting time into doing it up etc would keep him out of trouble (didn't work)

OP posts:
RiverFalls · 23/02/2026 20:17

Notmymarmosets · 23/02/2026 19:03

It's a huge ask to look after someone else's child two days a week. I wouldn't do it. But I would have made that clear I hope, long before the baby was born so no one had unrealistic expectations. I don't think ds is going to step up and look after the child either. He doesn't sound capable from what you say. So the mother will have to make other arrangements to ensure baby is safe. But none of this is actually your responsibility, don't let them make it your responsibility.

The baby is her grandson, not some random child. Yes, her own son should be helping to parent his child but he sounds absolutely useless and irresponsible, while the baby's mother is doing her best to give her and her baby a chance in life. A 16 year old girl cannot do this without help and, as she's not getting any from the baby's father, if I were the OP, I'd be doing absolutely everything I could to help her and my grandson. Hopefully her own son will mature and one day be a good dad, but in the meantime, I'd be making sure i supported the baby and his mother as much as I could.

nomas · 23/02/2026 20:17

Keep the grandson.

Ditch the son.

Tell DS he gets a full time job and pays you £500 pm in rent or he leaves.

Don't lose contact with your grand son.

whatsgoingoninmybrain · 23/02/2026 20:19

I think It would be very unfair to your grandson, and his mother. Despite her shit situation, she is trying to do her best by her son. You raised your son. You have some hand in why he is like this. Give your grandson a helping hand in life.

AnneBoleynsNecklace · 23/02/2026 20:20

Where does he get the money from for weed and vapes? He doesn’t sound responsible enough to look after the baby but if he was the mum
i think responses here would be different

Auroraloves · 23/02/2026 20:20

Fireplays · 23/02/2026 20:16

Thanks for your replies everyone. I'm just at my wits end with ds and if he's kicked out if college he'll be doing got knows what as he definitely won't keep a job if he can't attend college 4 days a week and one of those days is only 12-4:30 just 4 short hours and if he's not at college he should be having grandson as the only reason he wasnt was because he was (supposed) to be at college himself.

I don't give him any money for weed or vapes neither does DH, I give him money for lunch but that's online. DH bought the motorbike for ds as a thing for them to do last year in hops him putting time into doing it up etc would keep him out of trouble (didn't work)

DH needs to be in solidarity with you, and the first step is not allowing access to this motorbike.

Sad situation but it seems like his GF has her head in the right place

RiverFalls · 23/02/2026 20:23

Viviennemary · 23/02/2026 18:58

Its a really difficult situation. Those two are nowhere near ready to be parents but they are. And you're the one picking up the pieces. Could he get a nursery place

The baby's mother sounds like she's very sensible having gor her GCSEs and secured an apprenticeship. Her own mother is helping with childcare 3 times a week so why shouldn't the baby's other grandparent(The OP) help the other 2 days a week if she's not working herself? The baby bas 2 sets of grandparents so why should it all fall on the girl and her mother?

bumblebee3122 · 23/02/2026 20:23

I agree with PPs. If you stop looking after DGS you will only be punishing yourself and your DIL. It sounds like she has her head screwed on and that she wants to do well for herself and her son. Hopefully soon she will see what a waste of space your son is and ditch him. If you're still supporting her then it means you won't lose touch with DGS I am sure. If you give up, what reason will she have for wanting to keeping in touch cos you'd be preventing her from getting on well in life.

SargeMarge · 23/02/2026 20:27

Fireplays · 23/02/2026 20:16

Thanks for your replies everyone. I'm just at my wits end with ds and if he's kicked out if college he'll be doing got knows what as he definitely won't keep a job if he can't attend college 4 days a week and one of those days is only 12-4:30 just 4 short hours and if he's not at college he should be having grandson as the only reason he wasnt was because he was (supposed) to be at college himself.

I don't give him any money for weed or vapes neither does DH, I give him money for lunch but that's online. DH bought the motorbike for ds as a thing for them to do last year in hops him putting time into doing it up etc would keep him out of trouble (didn't work)

And neither of you thought about taking it away when his behaviour continued the same? Have you ever given him any consequences?

InterIgnis · 23/02/2026 20:27

This situation is hardly fair for OP. OP didn’t choose for the pregnancy to happen, or for it to be continued.

Hankunamatata · 23/02/2026 20:28

Sell motorbike and give money to his baby's mum.

Dont give him any money. Tell him to quit college and start looking for a job to support his child

crazeekat · 23/02/2026 20:30

Kick ur son out. Only way he will ever man up. He is a waster and you’re only enabling him. Every bit of weed is money that should be spent on ur dg. Or a childminder.

whatsgoingoninmybrain · 23/02/2026 20:31

InterIgnis · 23/02/2026 20:27

This situation is hardly fair for OP. OP didn’t choose for the pregnancy to happen, or for it to be continued.

No, but she raised her son to be like this. She raised him to impregnate someone and then not contribute to the baby’s life at all.

Original poster
Fireplays · 23/02/2026 20:32

I don't know where he gets the money from, we were giving both Ds’ an allowance as most parents do but stopped eldests when it was clear ds wasn't going to improve his behaviour and go to school etc.

I don't like the fact ds has a motorbike full stop regardless of whether his behaviour was good, i’d still feel the same its unsafe and it was a silly thing to buy for him but he has access to the keys so it's difficult to take it away and I doubt it’d do much good as we've tried taking other things like his phone etc but it did no good.

I'm just at a loss

OP posts: