To be sick of misogynistic aggressive male chuggers?

[Bearsdolovetrees]

I work near a major London rail station and get harassed by male chuggers constantly. They don’t take no for an answer, block my path, and walk alongside me even when I’ve asked them not to.

Two examples:

Today I said “no thank you” to a Stop the Knife fundraiser. He followed me, kept asking if I was sure, and when I changed direction to move away he said “wow, what an attitude you have.”

A few months ago a Shelter fundraiser blocked my path and kept trying to fist bump me. After I said no several times, he called me unkind and ‘not a nice woman.’ I complained to the charity and they said they’d investigated and had a word with him, but ultimately, “found no evidence” which is obvious as it’s their word against mine. Am I supposed to film my walk to the station every day?!

This is daily now: young male chuggers using forced compliments about my hair/earrings/dress to try to get me to engage. I’m pretty sure they’re not genuinely into my 50-year-old style — it’s just another tactic. And, yet, they’re always offended when I don’t fawn a thank you and I get some nasty comment.

I’ve tried being pleasant, being rude. Complaining seems to go nowhere. It’s misogynistic and intimidating, and honestly not okay behaviour from men representing charities. What can I do?! What do others do?

You're not wrong, its constant harassment. I've said before, to the knife people...I'm not going to pay you to tell people to leave their cutlery at home, which wasn't particularly well received but opened me a pathway to get past. I've told another man I'm a grown woman who makes her own money and chooses how to spend it and I don't need help from strange men. Mostly though, you need to convey... and you too may fuck off through your eyes.

Stop Knife Crime isn't a charity. It's a scam.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13459943/exposed-where-the-3million-we-hand-over-to-anti-knife-charities-pushy-high-street-collectors-really-ends-up.html

https://www.itv.com/news/london/2023-08-01/anti-knife-crime-group-accused-of-intimidating-public-to-raise-cash

I just make sure I am “talking on the phone” when any of them are in my area.

But agree - they’re a complete pain in the arse. It would actually put me off donating to any charity they used them.

I 100% agree with you @Bearsdolovetrees

It is invasive, misogynistic, and wrong.

You are not wrong.
I just growl at them.

I went to London on my own last week and experienced exactly what you described: complimenting what I was wearing (he appeared to point at my shoes, so I actually thought I had toilet roll stuck to the bottom of them before I registered what was actually going on) and he had a dodgy looking brochure that he kept deliberately folding at weird angles so much of it was obscured. I asked if he had ID and he kept blanking that. When I said “No thank you” he got really arsey. It rattled me for a while after.

Totally agree. I thankfully have now learnt tactics to avoid them. I work in a big city and know the streets they frequent so dodge them. I also always have my AirPods in so just walk past and can’t hear them. I never look at them, if you look they take that as a signal you’re interested.

When I was in my early 20s I had one come up to me and start flirting with me but really aggressively. He followed me all the way up the high street even though I didn’t say a word back to him. Massively intimidating.

Also had one who peered over my back fence to ask my very young DC where I was because I wasn’t answering the door! I intentionally ignored the door obviously but he’d heard them playing so thought it would be appropriate to ask them!

I agree and have long thought this.

They seem to disproportionately target women and use tactics like you’ve described - standing in your path for example.

They’re not doing it out of the goodness of their hearts either- they’re paid.

Makes you feel more kindly towards Jehovah’s Witnesses who at least stand to one side of the pavement without trying to impede anyone!

They’re horrific!!

Honestly if you watch them, they often target women more than men in my experience. We had one recently (I walked up to a shop whilst my husband was in another one) and I got approached on the way in / way out by two different chuggers doing the same charity. DH didn’t get stopped either time, on the second time I did he was a few steps behind me - the man ignored my “not interested” and tried to get me to look at his booklet - DH said “she said she’s not interested” and he immediately stopped.

It’s so insincere when they start with weird compliments - doorstop ones do this too, I totally understand they get paid for raising money but it’s just not the way to do it.

I tend to go with a ‘can't hear you’, point to my ears, and do not slow down. Doesn’t matter at all whether I have headphones or not.

They are relying completely on social conditioning requiring you to be polite and engage with them. I figure they’ve already broken the social contract by trying to fleece money out of people in the street.

I’ve tried being pleasant, being rude. Complaining seems to go nowhere. It’s misogynistic and intimidating, and honestly not okay behaviour from men representing charities. What can I do?! What do others do?

It's the fun Choose Your Own Adventure of being a woman. Too friendly = asked for it. To rude = deserved it. Too slutty = whore. Too not = frigid. They set it up so there is no right answer.

The wonderful thing about that is it is incredibly freeing. Just do whatever you want. Feign not speaking English. Point at headphones. Cheery "no thanks" then completely ignore. Whatever works.

My favourite with scammy ones is to say, "I work for a charity and I have checked the information. I only give to charities that have a high ratio of donation to work. Sorry". Even better is to tell them you're going to do it. I once was stopped by the knife ones, told them I'd check at lunch on various charity trust websites. Walked back past, completely ignored.

Chuggers are a pain, regardless of gender. If they’re on the phone, I hang up. If in person, I just walk off.

Phone out and film them as soon as you've said no once.

There is a certain spot in my local high street where they are. I cross the road before I get to them then cross back again when I’ve passed them. Occasionally I forget and think damn I forgot to cross the bloody road 😫 I then just say sorry I don’t carry cash and walk on.

Agreed - the stop knife crime scam ones outside the stations are really overbearing.

I also hate the door-to-door ones - I had one the other week; somebody had obviously let him into the building because he knocked at my door (and I opened because I was expecting a delivery) without me having buzzed him in; and started with some bizarre spiel about how lovely everyone in the area was - I had no idea what he was talking about at first, he could have been a psycho for all I knew. Then when I said I wasn't interested, he started doing this 'woah ok! Don't glare at me! I feel like you're looking into my soul!' bit (I wasn't 'glaring', I was simply wondering why an adult man was wittering away at me, unprompted) - I can't see in what world any of this bollocks generates a positive response.

Vile people. Makes it even worse that they are doing it in the name of charities.

Once a chugger called out to me as I was about to walk past him ‘you look like a nice friendly woman!’ I said ‘yeah well I’m not’ and kept on walking. It was very satisfying!

Learn to look through people not at them. "No thank you/ Not interested thanks", and keep walking at the same pace/shut the door on them.
I don't worry about being rude - interrupting my day to ask for money is already rude.

I find that the less you look like you might engage, the less hassle you get.

I just keep walking briskly, don't make eye contact and if they persist or fall into step with me, raise my flat palm, say no and keep walking. Usually works

“Désolée, je ne parle pas l’anglais.” Backfires if they speak French.

I speak a little Mongolian. No one but Mongolians speaks Mongolian. I should try that.

Same here.

The one thing I've found that does occasionally seem to wound some of them is to say "You're so inauthentic." but not often!

Phone and looking engrossed is the best for avoiding being targeted, but if I forget that, I normally just aggressively tell them to fuck off, now. Which isn't hugely effective but is better than anything else I've found in terms of getting them to leave you alone and has the added bonus of stress release.

I do think it's something the government act on because their behaviour is misogynistic. Perhaps we need a bit undercover reporting. Film them covertly for a few weeks and make up some youtube or tiktok pieces that blast the charities that use them and brush off complaints and the police/councilors/etc. who pretend it's not an issue.

They’re a menace. I also had one literally chase me down the street to get my attention. It was in a quiet suburban area as well, rather than a city centre. I think he’d been door knocking and saw me walk past and decided I was an easy target. He started my shouting “hey, hi, can you help me?” which is sneaky as most of us are conditioned to pause if someone is asking for help. Once I realised what was going on I tried to say no politely but he kept on and on and wouldn’t stop following me. He was a huge, youngish man. I felt really intimidated and vulnerable as there was no one else around. He did leave me alone in the end but it took some shaking off.

How do you say 'bugger off' in Mongolian?