To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

I don't think so. His issue is with his weight. Not hers.

Yes I'd prefer to have nice meals and wine with a dad bod over a lettuce leaf with Adonis. It makes perfect sense.

You’re missing the point. It’s not that he has goals and is dedicated. It’s that he keeps banging on about it. That’s boring unless you’re into discussing macros and weight. If you are then good for you - maybe you should ask the OP for his number.

OP, it sounds like you’re not compatible. I’d throw this one back.

He sounds like an absolute bore tbh

Me too. Life's for living, it doesn't mean he's going to be a really fat unhealthy slob if he likes a glass of wine and a nice meal out occasionally.

Balance in everything ✨️

Just to clarify, he hasn't specifically said anything about my weight - he knows I've struggled a little since my surgery, but given that I'm still in what I think is great shape (although would prefer to be slimmer but that's my issues) I didn't expect his response to be along the lines of oh yeah you better be careful, you shouldn't eat x, you should make time to go the gym, etc. etc. etc. JFC it's meant to be a bit of fun!

So why don't you just end it then as the consensus on here is that the majority of people think you should?

You’re taking what I said out of context.
I think you can be fit, & still enjoy nice meals & wine .

Because I wanted to get the thoughts as to whether I was being harsh. I'm just clarifying the full story - I'd actually already made a post before I even met him to say I was worried about his attitude. I don't think I'll even have to 'end things' as pretty sure he can tell I'm unimpressed

Is he new to the whole gym thing and at the over-enthusiastic stage? Maybe he’ll calm down?

On the other hand, personally I’m utterly obsessive about my diet and exercise and lost about a third of my body weight last year, but I can always find something suitable to eat and enjoy on a menu.

I think ge's got an eating disorder

Tell he just needs a poo!

I couldn't deal with the tediousness of that message and also someone so obessed about their weight.

Zero issue with people exercising, watching her their weight etc. but if it's a conversation topic, my eyes just glaze over as it's so boring.

He’s very communicative - and he knows it’s a bit weird because he’s over explaining and clearly doesn’t want to be rude or insult your offer or not come at all, but explains why he won’t do the food bit.

I think it’s fine - he probably wouldn’t have explained so much if he didn’t really like you. And we’re all weird about something - if this is his biggest quirk, you’re all good.

My reply was In response to pp who said she would rather date a “ Fatty “ over someone who is fit .

OP you look amazing !
You have fab legs 😊
He should be so lucky to have you .
Just say to him straight out , if he’s going to be watching your figure for you. , it really isn’t going to work .

That's right but your response still seemed to suggest that people should prefer to date slimmer people and people who aren't overweight

I agree with you, but why is your level of fitness and body fat relevant to this opinion?

YANBU. That level of obsession is a big turn off for me.

I personally find this uncomfortable as well - should men only be happy to date someone as long as they are a size 6 and have fab legs? I think that underpins your previous post - that only slim people are worth dating. I think that's a terrible take - and we wonder why so many women have eating disorders

I don’t see that as an issue, as means I don’t have to cook for him, if you find it an issue then stop now. But I don’t see what he’s done so wrong as he’s talking about himself and his own fitness and it can go off track very easily.

Sorry I didn't realise it was hyperbole I'm Autistic and my automatic interpretation was literal!

I asked as I'm due to have a hysterectomy in 4 weeks. But keeping ovaries.

I work really hard to stay a size 8-10 and didn't know a hysterectomy could affect metabolism. New fear unlocked!

I meant prefer to date someone fit & healthy over someone like pp had described as a “ fatty “ which would indicate them being unhealthy.

People can be fat and fit. Look at people who do strong man competitions. When I did my gym level two qualification there was a guy on it who was massive - huge belly the lot - but he could lift five times what I could. He did multiple weight lifting comps. I understand that people have their preferences and that's fine but it really isn't as simple as saying someone overweight isn't healthy and someone slim is

It's impossible to tell by looking at someone if they are fit and healthy - even people who look morbidly obese might have a very good level of fitness

@Trevordidit That's ok - I'm autistic too and I did wonder after I replied to you. My late dad's name was Trevor and I never see it anywhere anymore so your username did raise a smile!

If you're keeping your ovaries you should be fine as it's menopause that's the kicker. I wasn't in perimenopause even naturally so mine was like hitting a brick wall (I'm on HRT now but not sure the doses are right)

Everything in moderation! (And before the classic MN pile on, it would take me about three days to eat this, it's the first thing I've eaten all day, and last night's tea - and for the rest of the week - is chickpea, lentil and spinach daal)