To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

Food is one of the simple pleasures we have in life. Don't let him ruin it for you.

I'd walk away :)

I’m on the fence. Don’t like his comment about not dating a size 16 as it shows he cares more about looks than personality which would give massive red flags that the moment your looks fade or you get pregnant or gain weight, he won’t find you attractive and will stray.

On the other hand, if he’s got health and fitness goals and they don’t include eating out or a takeaway or alcohol every week and he wants to eat before coming over so your date is just a chilled night watching a film or whatever I don’t really think that’s so bad….

@WelshSlate @scottishgirl69 Because I'm unhappy when I'm bigger, and I don't wish to buy a whole new wardrobe of clothes? I'm very short so even a few pounds is very noticeable - I'm hardly militant with it like he is though!

He sounds like he has eating issues. I couldn’t be bothered with someone who couldn’t eat out ever. There are loads of lovely healthy protein and veg heavy meals he could eat out or offer to cook for the two of you. Food is a pleasure to be shared and I couldn’t get excited about someone sitting at home eating sad lettuce and chicken breasts every weekend.

see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection.

So they are friends and they get the benefits of a relationship without the status… that’s fwb

He found a solution and that was to eat beforehand, that’s not unreasonable. So why would it be ok for Op to come up with a solution but not him?

I'm short too but putting a few pounds on wouldn't cause me to have to go out and replace clothes. You don't want to put on a few pounds and neither does he. There's not really much of a difference there is there?

She's not said he sits in the house and eats chicken breasts and lettuce. That's just been assumed

@scottishgirl69 there's a massive difference! I don't obsessively weigh myself, or count calories, or refuse a date because it would mean missing a workout and I'd get grumpy otherwise. Because of my hysterectomy I know I've put on a few pounds - most of my clothes are a 6/8 with some being a 4, but I know if I keep putting weight on then they won't fit any longer, which is why I'm tackling things - but I refuse to give up everything I enjoy.

Fuck it, I'm ordering a munch box tonight and having some wine, there are plenty of men who would date me with these food preferences and at the weight that I am.

If the sex is amazing I’d maybe keep him around for a bit, but really life is too short for that attitude, food is one of life’s pleasures….

Well why don't you just text him and tell him its over

He sounds obsessed and incredibly boring. Who cares how much he weighs? Ditch him immediately, OP!

He sounds tedious and drab as anything. I just can’t fathom a world in which discussing other people’s diets or bodies is ever interest. There’s so much going on in the world at any given point that the food people choose to eat really isn’t remotely interesting. I’m also just not bothered about the size of others around me…

Your BMI is perfect, in fact you could probably gain 2 stone ish and still be a normal BMI. You don’t need to worry about calories in other words. It’s a red flag when any guy slags off another woman’s body as well btw.

Really, you’d rather date someone overweight over someone fit ??
That’s the same as saying you’d prefer to date someone unhealthy over a healthy person, that doesn’t make any sense .

Me too, I’d much rather be with an overweight man who I could enjoy a nice meal and some wine with than someone who behaved like this. I’m not talking morbidly obese, or even obese, but absolutely. Every time and twice on a Sunday,

Just to add this is a photo of me from December, I am heavier than I'd like to be but I think maybe I have unrealistic expectations, and the hysterectomy has done a number on my shape. But I can't moan really because I enjoy my pizza and wine (in moderation) and I admit to being a workaholic so don't go to the gym as much as I'd like.

But to be fair I'd rather be with someone who really doesn't care that I'm like that, instead of warning me what will happen if I don't work on it... especially when it's only meant to be something casual!

He found a solution that suited him. OP was suggesting things she thought might be agreeable to both of them. He didn't engage in a discussion about finding a mutually agreeable solution - he unilaterally decided he would eat first and separately. My point was - if he was interested in finding a compromise he could have suggested he cooked for both of them. This would have enabled him to stick to his diet but they could have still had a meal together.

It's possible to be overweight and fit. I have done triathlons at a BMI of 28/29 although I personally don't think BMI is the best indicator of fitness. I've done bootcamps and lifted heavy weights at that BMI too - I put weight on easily and I'm not prepared to starve myself to get to a lower BMI.

I have also dated people who have been overweight - not everyone cares about weight when they are looking for someone to date

My brother has a BMI of just over 25 but he has around 20 per cent body fat and he trains in the gym 4-5 times a week. No one looking at him would think he was technically overweight

Honestly for me it’s not the diet it’s the other stuff

• Mentioning he didn’t want to date the size 16 woman - okay fine to have a preference but did you ask?? Why tell you??
• You said he was bordering on lecture territory- that’s annoying and preachy. No one wants a lecture at the hotel breakfast buffet, they want to enjoy their breakfast.
• He seems very ridged and that’s fine but it’s not compatible with you form the looks of it. His text (to me) sounds a bit obsessive and I couldn’t be dealing with that.

Find someone you can enjoy your take away with OP. I briefly dated a health nut who wouldn’t even drink beer and lectured me about drinking beer and eating chips, it made me miserable and ironically it made me fatter.

Wow he sounds fun! Bin him

There is nothing wrong with that. I just thought the fact you stated the idea of putting on a pound even in a new relationship was such an unlikely possibility that dating someone who worries about what ounces he's put on over a weekend would suit you just fine. My bad.

But he hadn’t said a thing about your weight, had he? Only that he was not attracted to a much larger woman.
I’ve had men say they find my body attractive because it is slim and toned. I wouldn’t consider not dating them in case I became less slim and toned some years down the line. I presume most men would not be so shallow as to dump the person they love if they change shape.

From the looks of this you will have no trouble replacing him 😂

Yes , you can enjoy nice meals & wine though
It’s all about balance in my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️.
I think if you’re healthy eating / keeping fit all week , well then you can kick back at the weekend .