To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

Yeah, that was a dumb statement for me to make actually now that I do think about it .
Just because someone is slim doesn’t mean they are healthy, & if someone is overweight as you have explained, can still be fit .
Sure I know slim people who are anything but fit & healthy , where they just live to party .

There's not going to be any classic mumsnet pile on from me. You can eat what you like - but I think think you are over justifying yourself. You don't need to say that it's the first thing you've eaten all day or what you are going to eat for the rest of the week

For clarification - I am probably the biggest I have ever been in my adult life - and I have been huge before. I smashed my leg to pieces just over 18 months ago and I couldn't walk for months

I hate the way I look just now - but I don't have hang ups about it either - it is what it is. I'm the same person whether I'm a size 12 or a size 18

I also couldn't care less how other people look. If someone is a size 6 or a size 20 that's up to them. It's possible to have body confidence at any size - people know what size they want to be. I'm happy at a 12-14. Other people might think that's massive but that's where I'm happy

There are also so many different ways to be fit. Gymnasts aren't weightlifters, runners aren't swimmers, dancers aren't showjumpers. It's always interesting at the Olympics seeing how the athletes in different sports have such completely different physiques but they're all fighting fit Olympians.

I keep having to explain myself to you Scottish girl 😂.
OP looks great, she does !
That doesn’t mean because I think this, that I feel if you don’t have her type of a figure you shouldn’t be dating .
We are all different shapes & sizes with all different personalities.
And what keeps people together?
Certainly not boobs & asses & that’s for sure .
I was merely paying OP a compliment, that’s all .

Yes. Even at my fittest I'm an absolute crap runner. I have run a half marathon. Several tens and several fives and I have done three triathlons but I hate running and I am absolutely shit at it

Id love to be a runner but I'm just crap at it no matter how fit I am

At my fittest I can run a ten k in 75 minutes but I toil and would rather be in the pub. That's the truth

That's fine.

I don't have her figure. I currently look like a hot air balloon

I love hot air balloons. They're beautiful and graceful and dreamy.

Big leg workout 😂😂😂

I love food and I’d not be happy with his approach!

I wonder what he ate on your hotel trip since it set him back weeks 🤪😂😂

Ha! I'm not beautiful and graceful and dreamy :) I'll work on it though

He did drink a lot more than me as he was waiting in the bar for me to get back from being out with my friends... we also had a smash burger and fries - he chose where to go to eat but it was quite a spur of the moment thing after a few cocktails. He then went up to the breakfast buffet four times - cooked breakfast, two bowls of cereal, and some fruit and yoghurt. Whereas I had one sausage, one hash brown, and a few chunks of pineapple...

On a side issue you can actually buy takeaway food that's prepped and calorie counted. I buy them - not because I'm obsessed with calories but because I currently resemble the side of a house. There's a guy in Glasgow who is doing a roaring trade and I order from him. I don't live in Glasgow but they deliver to surrounding areas

Not sure why I'm posting this but maybe the OPs ex could have a macro counted takeaway if they do similar where he lives - 6 quid a portion which isn't bad

Doesn't really sound from that like he has food hang ups to be fair

@scottishgirl69 he seems hung up on it after the event now though, as in it's set him back a week....but nobody forced him to have all of that!

In terms of the takeaway, we don't have anything like that here for a one off (small town). I used to get the meal preps delivered at 1200 cal a day and I think it was too much!

Of course no one didn't.
The meals I buy are around 500 cals each and I'm only really buying them as there's a Chinese takeaway across the road from me and it's too easy just to go there

It's hard to explain but before I started lifting weights around ten years ago I was probably under eating and over exercising to boot - (cardio)

It can be hard to let go of issues around calories - too many people I know eat too little and the weight still doesn't come off

I live in a small town too but the meal prep guy delivers 20 miles out which is good of them

@scottishgirl69 I could get them delivered if it was a full week but not just one meal unfortunately! I did offer to cook as well and hadn't suggested anything to make but he still didn't want to...

Quick update, I've spoken to him about it and we've agreed that we will see each other less often and only when we can go out on an actual date - I'll leave that up to him since it's only casual and I'm really not overly bothered. I'll still be looking to meet other people if it happens...

I get four meals at a time plus spring rolls (it's a bundle they do) delivery is 6 quid and my mum gets four as well to make the delivery worth it

Well that's good. I personally don't think he's the twat that some people thought he was. We can all have our food hang ups - not really worth ending something over in my view

And of course there's other people you can meet

I'd struggle to be with someone so rigid about healthy eating and their weight. If it's not compatible for you OP then it's just not so it's not unreasonable to end it.

The last person I went on a date with sent me a message after I got home saying I don't fancy you (there's more to it but that's the bare bones) and it had nothing to do with my weight as I was thinner then. I didn't fancy him either but I wouldn't have said it out loud.. Dating isn't easy these days I think

Thank you for your reply!

I do hope you had a smooth recovery from the surgery and can find the right HRT dose; it sounds like you've been through a lot.

Also I meant to say - I think you can definitely find a guy who is more fun and so not obsessed with his body! You need to be able to enjoy a bloody takeaway with zero guilt, and not be with someone with judgy eyes censoring your mouthfuls! 😂

He sounds like an ass , who says that ?.
I know you didn’t fancy him either , but that’s not the point .
People should always be polite .
I also am on the dating scene , no it’s not easy at all , Infact it’s impossible !
Maybe it’s my age , I’m 50 .
I find a lot of men my age just want fun, new found freedom after LTR/ marriages .
Others I just don’t click with .
More it’s a distance thing, & lastly, really nice guys but we’re at diff stages in life so we’re not compatible.

I'm older than you - 57 last week but I did find it funny. He told me later that he was having an emotional affair with his married first love so that might have explained it

It's not your age. Some people are just ridiculous

My brother is 47 and he's the nicest kid I know. He got out of a relationship - twenty years (she was awful, that's the understatement of the century and she got much worse after he left ). There are some nice men out there - it's just finding them

Happy Belated Birthday 🎈.

You dodged a bullet so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I find on line painful being honest .
I last dated a guy I met through work in August.
Now I had met him April 24 , he asked me out twice at the time , but I said no simply because I would have to keep meeting him if things didn’t work out . We reconnected in August just gone ,he had moved on through work again .
Everything was genuinely going great , then I had to cancel a date in October due to work, & he went all funny on me , finished things saying he couldn’t see how things would work out !
I’ve never heard from him since .
So now I give up !

What a truly miserable life. Male or female - when you view a lb in weight to be more important than enjoying a meal with friends and family, you've really not got your priorities right. I feel sorry for him but he's not your responsibility, I'd run a mile. (He might appreciate the running if you burn some calories...).