To end things over a diet?

[BitOfFun2026]

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

Anyone fretting over being a pound or two overweight is a tedious gimp.

Really? Try being very overweight and getting the weight off. And being worried that it might go on again

Im actually quite stunned at some of the posts on here. If you talk about fitness you're a tedious bore and you sit in your house eating chicken and lettuce Leaves

Personal trainer here. Never eaten lettuce and chicken together in my life - and not a tedious bore either

My brother is very quiet and we have two things in common. Our love of football and fitness - and I love our conversations

I'm apparently a tedious gimp though -maybe if you had struggled with your weight your entire adult life you might get it

(you won't though).

Um this guy is a tedious bore, did you read the op? They aren’t saying everyone is, but everyone who behaves like him, can’t go out as he’s put on a kg, has issues.

Did you actually read the OP? You have taken the comments completely out of context.

Yes I did

Lots of people have issues with food. Don't think it justifies some of the reactions

Erm so quick update... nothing to do with the diet but I won't be meeting him EVER AGAIN after he decided to make a rape joke last night (he knows I've been a victim of DV in the past, not specifically about the rape but come on who does that?!) 😮

Some men do. Someone I went for a drink with sent me a message on messenger saying I deserved to have him force himself on me then sent me a clipping from the daily mail saying women can enjoy rape in certain circumstances

Ok, I didn't think he was a misogynist before but I do now. I didn't foresee that but I guess it's not enormously surprising given one of his first communications was a coded warning not to gain weight.

He thinks completely rearrangeable leg workouts are sexier than dates, so I doubt you're missing any kind of sex god either. Not that a guy who tells women not to gain weight and moves on to rape jokes would have much clue how to please anyone anyway.

I'd report that, it's a threat.

It was - and I would have if he hadn't returned home, he wasn't from Scotland

I mean neither of us are completely vanilla in the bedroom department but I made it very very clear that CNC was not a route I was ever willing to go down (obviously I didn't explain why and maybe should have done)

No, no shoulds on that. If he knows anything about kink and consent then he knows you don't just spring this stuff on someone and you certainly don't make jokes about it. Women aren't obliged to act a certain way in advance to prevent a man making a rape joke, stupid nasty fucker simply should not make them. Can't see him being much of a dom anyway, he's got no charm and no game.

He's a prick, move on. And in future do not worry about whether you're being "reasonable" in exercising your right not to see someone you don't want to see.

Well, if he didn’t sound great before, he’s even less so now. Well rid, OP.

Fake boobs?

@Heisminenothers yes....?

He can have his preferences and his diet. That's all good. But you want something different - someone to go on dates with, enjoy a takeaway with... Also all good. And that's what I'd tell him.

Your weight and habits within this are immaterial.

I would direct him towards OA if he is overly focused on diet and self-image
the roots of the issue ate usually linked to low-self-esteem trying to fill the inner vacuum with outside stuff this relationship sounds like it’s hard emotional work already!

He sounds annoying and boring. Sorry OP 😔

He’s allowed to follow whatever rigid, mentally taxing rules he wants but I couldn’t stand dating somebody like that. I’ve done my fair share of silly diets over the years and I’m so done & wouldn’t want that energy in my life again.

I'm a foody... couldn't be doing with this you want to enjoy your life .
I'd just say I've been thinking and I don't think it's the right time for me to start spending time with anyone .. wish him luck you don't owe him a big explanation but you do owe yourself something more suited to you.
Leave it here you'll meet someone else.

My adult son is like this. Its debilitating. I struggle to eat my things with him as you can just feel the disapproval. He says nothing now but he used to. A lot.
He is ND but even so, its such hard work.

urgh. Deal breaker. I love eating

How are you a size 8 and 80kg though? I’m a 10/12 and 65kg