To think this is beyond grim?

[stunnedbythis]

I was talking to my mum this afternoon, she mentioned that one of her friends is celebrating thirty years living with his boyfriend. It suddenly occurred to me to ask how old they were when they met because her friend doesn't look old enough, and she said he was 18 and his boyfriend was about 32. I knew there was an age gap, but I can't help but think this is really, really grim.

My mum go really defensive about this as she's very close to her friend and to some extent his boyfriend too, but she said things were very different 30 years ago and that it was her friend who did all the chasing (she's know this friend since he was about 16/17 as they worked in the same shop for a while). She said he met this man in a pub and they just hit it off.

My mum is in her 60s now and has a very different outlook, I asked her how she'd feel if one of my children turned 18 and started dating someone in their thirties, but all she could say is "its different now". How is it different?? What am I missing?

Ouch! Hope it improves pdq.

Of course it wouldn’t. We’re talking
about the mid 1990s not the 1890s!!

I mustve missed the posts about 15 year old on this thread

Your judgemental attitude is what's grim.

Young people hanging out with old people, old people dating younger people ugh whatever next.

There's a good chance this man had moved out of home aged 18. I had. And if he was working full-time they would be the friends he'd make, like I did.

Being gay was different in the 90s. It was very cool to have a gay friend in some circles and it was hidden in others. Hence the dating pool was smaller. They probably got on great with their work colleagues as it was a good environment for them. Also 'knows how to party' meant takes drugs in my circles.

You sound ridiculous and boring. I would say your mum is a good laugh though.

It isn't true, no. Once 18 you're legally an adult whether you're at school or not.

Ok this is ignorant bigotry. I know people like myself (17 year age gap) and my best friend of 30 years from high school (16 years age gap with her and her DH) who have lasted decades.

I thought as I said earlier, this narrow-mindedness died out decades ago. It just proves how backward, ignorant and narrow-minded some on here are. Me and DH (22 years marriage) and my best friend (25 years marriage) are still going strong. The ignorance and narrow-mindedness is pathetic. This is not the 1940s, this is 2026. Some of you really need to get with it.

And btw, neither of us are in 'coercive' relationships, how dare you?! Both of us women are the ones who proposed to our then boyfriends, we didn't wait for him/them to propose to us. Some of you are so backward you live in a tiny encloistered echo chamber from another time.

You do realise the age thing is different for same sex couples because they don’t have the same biological body clock factors where large age gaps can be a problem? It’s actually more common to have large age gaps in gay relationship's than you might think.

🤗🤗

You come across as extremely uptight. Their relationship is literally none of your business, what are you hoping to get from this?! Are you hoping for everyone to agree and then you can show your mum or her friends? You have an issue with their age gap, you also don’t agree with people even having friends of different ages, and it comes across that you have an issue with their sexuality. You honestly need to unclench and mind your own business

It was satire?

I was poking fun at MN outrage every time large age gaps are mentioned.

One of my early boyfriends was that man and I was that 17yo. We dated for two years til I thought he was old and fuddy duddy. Looking back it is odd to me but it was equal, caring snd mostly healthy relationship.

They haven’t been together 30 years - the younger one is only 18. The mum has been friends with the older guy for 30yrs.

My Nan met her partner when he was 21 and she was early 40’s. You can imagine what some family members said! However, they were the light of each others lives for 40 years. She died last year (a week before their 40th anniversary) with dementia, one of the last memories she told me about was about the day when she first saw him. He was devoted to her. He died quite suddenly (pancreatic cancer) just 3 months after her. I nursed him to the end and we became very close. She was incredible and so was he.

I was a teenager around that time - when I went out, I hung out with people my age and the people we all worked with, so mostly late twenties to mid thirties. I was taken to my first gigs by a 28yo when I was 14/15 (no grooming involved - we were always just friends).

Is this a thing now - staying only within your own age range for friendships?! I find that really weird. My friends have always ranged from a few years younger to a decade or two older. You get a range of different viewpoints and approaches to life. That’s a lovely thing!

stunnedbythis · 22/02/2026 18:16

I was talking to my mum this afternoon, she mentioned that one of her friends is celebrating thirty years living with his boyfriend. It suddenly occurred to me to ask how old they were when they met because her friend doesn't look old enough, and she said he was 18 and his boyfriend was about

So why are they celebrating 30 years together if he's only 18?

The sort of person who is still married to them 30 years later, apparently.

Read the OP again.

I was talking to my mum this afternoon, she mentioned that one of her friends is celebrating thirty years living with his boyfriend.

😳😳😳

Teenagers thirty years ago were as sensible as adults, or rather could be. People didn't need I.D you could be drinking in pubs from 14, I was and so were my friends. The early 90s was peak rave culture, all ages mixed. I was in gay clubs in the 90s, all ages danced together etc. Gay men were still getting a difficult time in many workplaces. It was 1995 when Princess Diana stepped up her campaign in England to end stigma on transmission. You can connect over, music, hobbies, interests, films, politics, age doesn't stop that. Being gay men in the 90s took having children out of the equation. You don't know if they started out having sex, sex could be a death sentence. They should absolutely go all out celebrating 30 years together.

times have changed massively. When I was 15 my boyfriend in his early 20’s (so not as not as big an age gap as your couple) would collect me at lunch time from school and sometimes after school. He was at my house constantly and got on well with my parents. He was older than my older brother. No one batted an eyelid. My DD is 16 and I couldn’t imagine a boyfriend in his 20s coming to the house to collect her, her dad certainly wouldn’t cope 🤣

'Solemn Relationship Approval Panel.' 😆

I feel like my mother would have been on something like this, along with a couple of my aunts, and several neighbours.

Agree. I started full time work just after my 16th birthday, my friend had her first child the same month she turned 18, my DF started his working life at 14. Somehow we have all turned out as well rounded people. not a MH issue between the lot of us. "Barely out of childhood" is just nonsense.

Together after 30 years!!!!
You get less sentence for murder
Congratulatins to them for a successful loving relationship.
And keep your comments to yourself
.
For context I met MY wife when she was 21 and I was 32 and we have been married unbelievable happy for 40 years and have 2 wonderful adult children

My takeaway from this thread? What an extraordinary thing for OP to get all catbum-faced about. I hope the couple concerned are very happy.

Damn! I misread it. I am really sorry! 😳