To leave my DD and go to CentreParcs?

[GReenasheet]

DD is 34 and six months pregnant. Unfortunately she is on her own in this pregnancy (first child) as her partner has walked out. I don’t know the exact circumstances as she had only known him
a couple of years. She’s now moved back to her own home she was previously renting out. She hasn’t heard from him for several months.

Very understandably she is in a state though been coping as well as she can. It’s caused DH and I a lot of stress as we fear she is going to be very reliant on us when the baby is born. It’s been a worrying time and a few months ago our other daughter had planned a week at centre Parca for her and her husband, her two dc and her in laws and us. It’s been in the diary for months.

Our pregnant DD found out on Friday that she has gestational diabetes, she’s slim and eats well so we were surprised by this. She’s been on the phone all weekend and saying she doesn’t want to be alone this week and asking me not to go to centre par a so I can stay with her. We’ve invited her and said we will drive if she drives to our house (on the way to centre parcs for her) and she’s been shouting at me and making me feel awful saying she doesn’t want to go there with her sister’s in laws and she doesn’t want to travel etc. It’s only an hour away and the change of scenery would be so good for her. DH has said absolutely not to give in to her and that we’ve offered for her to come and it’s been booked for months.

I don’t think IABU necessarily but wondering what others would do as DD is making me feel horrendous about going. It’s fair to go if we’ve invited her to come?

Hi op agree with others do not back down otherwise she will do this all the time emotional blackmail. Op your dh is right. She’s 34 pregnant not disabled. This was booked before her pregnancy she either goes or sulks at home.

She is jealous that you are going on holiday with her sister. If you don't go she has won. And who the hell does she think she is shouting at you? Maybe she acted like a brat with her Partner and he wouldn't put up with it.

It's possible that OP's DD wanted a baby but her DP did not and she went ahead anyway - that leads to a lot of couples breaking up.

Understandable given her age (last chance etc) but if she did make this choice then she needs to stand on her own two feet and stop playing the victim and trying to blackmail her mother.

She needs to grow up. She expects you to drop what you are doing to do what she says...Gestational diabetes is not the end of the world, alot of pregnant ladies get it...She is using it as a weapon, to make you feel bad. You have asked her to go, she doesn't want to, so you must. Do not let her dictate to you. You need to start now putting your foot down, otherwise when the baby is born, your life may end as you know it...Do not be bullied

Is she being a brat? 100%.

Does she need to grow up? 100%

However, she's taking hit after hit. Her partner has ghosted out on her and baby. She's had to move somewhere she didnt plan on having baby. I'd want to eat my weight in chocolate and cry but now she's got gestational diabetes she has to learn to deal with as well.

She's not just coming to terms with the changes of being a parent like most. She's adding grieving her relationship, her home, the idea of doing it as a family with her ex, and the diabetes is the straw breaking the camels back.

She does have to grow up and be a parent, she does need to be strong. But she's been strong and just wants her mummy to come be her mummy and not have to hold it all together for a while when she still has chance.

Does that mean you shouldn't go? No. But be gentle with her rather than just calling her a brat and telling her to grow up like others have suggested. Could you maybe book something for when you're back? Go stay with her, maybe book a pregnancy friendly pamper session like massage etc? Offer to help her decorate for baby and build things baby needs? Offer support you can offer that doesn't interfere with plans.

I don't know how many of the activities at Center Parcs are safe enough for pregnant people - she may not want to come because she won't be able to join in with much and she'd be trying to manage eating differently in an unfamiliar kitchen shared with other people / navigating around meals out.

I don't think cancelling your trip is necessary but I also don't see her joining you as necessarily a good alternative from her perspective.

I suppose ponder where she sits on the outrageous requests spectrum. Is it unusual for her to ask for something like this? If it is, it's worth exploring other ways you can help.

I think it would be pretty unwise to cancel your trip, especially if you’re worried that she’s going to be overly dependent on you. Tell her that you’d love her to come away with you, even if she just wants to laze about the lodge with a book. Tell her that you know she’s having a rough time of it, and if it were any other week then you’d be there to cheer her up, but you’ll see her on the Saturday and you can work on meal plans together.

It only vastly increases those risks if not managed. You keep conflating the risks from uncontrolled or undiagnosed GD with diagnosed and controlled GD which is very misleading.

How you deal with this will set the tone going forwards, OP. If you give in now and don’t go on your trip your DD will expect you to drop everything on command in future. Stand firm and go on your tip to Center Parcs. It sounds like your pregnant DD needs to get used to the idea of doing more independently. I would also be having a serious conversation with her about expectations for help/care when the baby is born.

Just so you're aware OP, there is sometimes an increased risk with pre-eclampsia if you develop gestational diabetes. Your daughter may need to keep a close eye on her blood pressure as well.

She is having a 34 yr old tantrum.
You invited her to centre parks she has refused a nice offer a change of scene fresh air.
Leave her to it don't let her emotions stop you from spending time with the rest of your family don't give into this.
It's not your fault what's happened .
You can't not go when this has been planned and with your grandchildren for her to expect that is amazingly selfish .

No, that’s not how gestational diabetes works. The offspring of a mother with GD has double the risk of becoming type 1 diabetic. Even well managed, the risk for the mother becoming type 2 diabetic is still very much increased.

She’s six months, not eight. She will be fine

She’s 34. It’s understandable that she may feel scared and alone. But she is being very selfish and childish. You should go. She and her baby are her own responsibility, not yours. Of course you can support her, but she’s being unreasonable. If there was some major crisis I guess you’d come back to help.

I wonder how these grown adults survive on a day to day basis. Go and enjoy your holiday

I think a few people have been quite harsh about the OP. I think she is quite clear that she does support her DD emotionally now and recognises she will need more when the baby comes

But I think it's totally reasonable to worry about the DD becoming overly reliant on her when the DD is so angry and upset at the idea of her parents being away for a week.

It is totally reasonable to expect support from your parents but it's also totally reasonable for the OP and her DH to want to put some boundaries in place as well and for them to do things that aren't all about this DD at times

this.
Yanbu to go but all of this she’s pregnant not sick thing ignored the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy - including ones with a loving partner’s support.

im usually a ridiculously happy pregnant person the hormones get me so loved up but even i have a couple of wild moments. wasnt alone or with GD though.

You must go she cant dictate this but a hormone panic tantrum is entirely understandable and forgivable imo.

I really don’t know. Only you know the depth of your relationship with both daughters. Objectively I think I might stay with the panicky daughter. Whatever you choose you won’t be happy, sounds as if you will be resentful if you stay with her ( and ignore your husband) and guilty if you don’t. I don’t think I could have a jolly holiday in such circumstances. At the end of the day one daughter has everything the other nothing. ‘To those that have shall be given’ as my gran used to say. Wryly I hope.

she is not being reasonable. this is a grown woman about to give birth to a baby. she needs to grow up.
I'm sorry she is making you feel guilty. That's not right. I agree with hubby. she has been given options and can make a choice but making you miss out is unfair.
Wishing you the best.

If she's this demanding and dramatic, perhaps there's a good reason her partner left.
GD isn't that big of a deal. I had it. I'm thin and healthy too. All 3 of my friends, pregnant at the same time, had it too. We were all on the older side which is a risk factor. GD is just a pain in the ass but nothing more.