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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my DD and go to CentreParcs?

220 replies

GReenasheet · 22/02/2026 15:01

DD is 34 and six months pregnant. Unfortunately she is on her own in this pregnancy (first child) as her partner has walked out. I don’t know the exact circumstances as she had only known him
a couple of years. She’s now moved back to her own home she was previously renting out. She hasn’t heard from him for several months.

Very understandably she is in a state though been coping as well as she can. It’s caused DH and I a lot of stress as we fear she is going to be very reliant on us when the baby is born. It’s been a worrying time and a few months ago our other daughter had planned a week at centre Parca for her and her husband, her two dc and her in laws and us. It’s been in the diary for months.

Our pregnant DD found out on Friday that she has gestational diabetes, she’s slim and eats well so we were surprised by this. She’s been on the phone all weekend and saying she doesn’t want to be alone this week and asking me not to go to centre par a so I can stay with her. We’ve invited her and said we will drive if she drives to our house (on the way to centre parcs for her) and she’s been shouting at me and making me feel awful saying she doesn’t want to go there with her sister’s in laws and she doesn’t want to travel etc. It’s only an hour away and the change of scenery would be so good for her. DH has said absolutely not to give in to her and that we’ve offered for her to come and it’s been booked for months.

I don’t think IABU necessarily but wondering what others would do as DD is making me feel horrendous about going. It’s fair to go if we’ve invited her to come?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 22/02/2026 17:48

AmberSpy · 22/02/2026 15:11

I didn't pick up on that at all, where did you get the impression OP doesn't like her?

Show quote history

@PinkyFlamingo
It's strange that they'd insist on the DD driving to them and not pick her up. There's a lack of care in that. Some women are fine with GD, others aren't stable enough to guarantee being able to drive.
Her life has imploded, it's interesting how different the replies are towards a pregnant DD, with a health complication, compared to a DS (who has usually fucked his life up himself and landed back home). I'd be visiting and making arrangements to get her, for her to go, or make it clear that she has your support, but you need this break. But it shouldn't be said over the phone, because she's struggling.

mondaytosunday · 22/02/2026 17:50

I developed type 1 diabetes while pregnant and carried on as normal, but I was in a happy marriage. I think this is just the final straw for your daughter, though she is acting like a teenager not an adult. My sister’s oarner also walked out when she was pregnant (no loss there), and it was a very difficult pregnancy- hospitalised twice, bleeding throughout, baby not growing…). But she held it together and certainly didn’t rely on our mother for anything.
Your DD sounds like she needs some help with her mental health though, from a professional.

CuriousKangaroo · 22/02/2026 17:53

YANBU - BUT, I think it sounds like your daughter is scared and feels alone. So rather than framing it as a tantrum, maybe try to be a little understanding and see if you can help her feel less so?

bridgetreilly · 22/02/2026 17:53

You need to go, for her sake as well as yours. The reality is that she is soon to be a single parent and she needs to be able to stand on her own two feet. Of course you will offer support of various kinds, but you cannot put your whole life on hold in the way she seems to be expecting. Better for her to realise this now than in six months time, imo.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/02/2026 17:53

What support does she actually need though? Especially in that exact week? She's an adult, she should be able to research GD or should have been signposted to places and resources, infact there is so much to read up about is she should be too busy to notice you're off away.

I'd be having words that she can rely on us as her parents for certain things but not at the expense of your lives, she seems to think she has control over you.

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 17:56

If my DD had a very hard time during pregnancy and at the end she said 'I certainly didn't rely on my mother for anything,' I would consider that a massive failure on my part.

Ideally anyone going through difficult things should have help, support and love every step of the way - they should rely on others, that's what they're bloody well there for! If someone has to get through thing on their own, that's not a badge of honour in my book, it's a sign they don't have good support around them. It's not a failure on their part, it's potentially a failure of the people who should care for them.

It is normal to rely on others when things go wrong.

Good lord, no wonder we have such an issue with mental health and anxiety!

Peggyplunkett · 22/02/2026 18:00

YANBU. Your daughter needs to build her resilience, self-soothing and coping strategies. She has a tough road of single parenting ahead of her. She is 34 years old and an adult woman.
As a soon to be parent, she needs to start to consider others before herself. A little bit of tough love is what is needed in this scenario, so stick to your boundaries OP. You can check in with her when you get back and on the phone while away.

Brefugee · 22/02/2026 18:03

She doesn't get to shout at you.

So you go to centre parcs with your other family members, and she gets to work out that bad behaviour gets you nowhere.

But you also need to be clear, prior to the baby being born, just how much help she thinks you are going to give her, and what that help will look like to her mind.

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 18:07

Brefugee · 22/02/2026 18:03

She doesn't get to shout at you.

So you go to centre parcs with your other family members, and she gets to work out that bad behaviour gets you nowhere.

But you also need to be clear, prior to the baby being born, just how much help she thinks you are going to give her, and what that help will look like to her mind.

'She gets to work out bad behaviour gets you nowhere.' What?

She's not a child. Do people really behave this way with adult children?

Brefugee · 22/02/2026 18:10

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 22/02/2026 16:05

Ah, you are all being a bit harsh. She’s obviously going through it and very hormonal but she is being unreasonable as we all know. She’s delicate at the moment so be kind but say ‘we will be going, everyone inc you would be disappointed if you didn’t but you are at the end of the phone- cone and join us for a lovely chill time before baby gets here’ if she doesn’t for whatever reason, maybe suggest a little weekend treat for you both soon.
Being pregnant can be scary and she’s doing it without a partner, everything probably feels a bit overwhelming.

a bit harsh? when they have given a perfectly lovely solution and she screamed at them?

nope. You don't get my attention if you scream at me.

Brefugee · 22/02/2026 18:15

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 18:07

'She gets to work out bad behaviour gets you nowhere.' What?

She's not a child. Do people really behave this way with adult children?

Show quote history

do adult children really throw a shouting fit at their parent?

People who shout at me, i don't care who they are, don't get the benefit of my munificence. If i have plans, i will carry on with my plans unless and until they apologise for being a brat.

Happyjoe · 22/02/2026 18:19

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 17:56

If my DD had a very hard time during pregnancy and at the end she said 'I certainly didn't rely on my mother for anything,' I would consider that a massive failure on my part.

Ideally anyone going through difficult things should have help, support and love every step of the way - they should rely on others, that's what they're bloody well there for! If someone has to get through thing on their own, that's not a badge of honour in my book, it's a sign they don't have good support around them. It's not a failure on their part, it's potentially a failure of the people who should care for them.

It is normal to rely on others when things go wrong.

Good lord, no wonder we have such an issue with mental health and anxiety!

Nobody has said they'd not help her, that's a bit of a leap.
The daughter has also been invited and I agree with the OP, perhaps a break from the norm and be with all the family may do her some good than fretting, sitting alone at home but she doesn't want to go. The choice is the daughters now.

HappyTalkingAndLaughing · 22/02/2026 18:19

Ilovefoodandwine · 22/02/2026 16:14

I imagine she would ruin your trip if she came

I suspect she'll ruin the trip by having an "emergency" whilst they're away

rwalker · 22/02/2026 18:24

You need to draw a line in the ssnd

with kindness there a VERY fine line between supporting her and enabling behaviour like this

as harsh as it sounds she needs to get used to dealing with things

you’ve definitely got her back but don’t be taken advantage of
okus you’ve another DD and 2 kids expecting a holiday with there grandparents

Kizmet1 · 22/02/2026 19:47

This feels like a really important line to draw now before baby arrives.
Yes, you will help her, of course you will, but you do have your own life and your other daughter/grandchildren too.
Maybe the worry and the hormones are just doing a number on her, but I think if I were you, I would not let that stop me from enjoying a planned trip away.

Sassylovesbooks · 22/02/2026 20:04

I understand that your daughter is feeling vulnerable, being pregnant and her partner leaving her. She's hormonal, scared and her self-esteem/self-confidence has taken a hit, which is understandable. However, she's 34, and shortly will be a Mum, therefore she's going to have to get used to doing things on her own. She can't expect you and her Dad, to drop everything and come running. I'm sure you won't mind helping, especially during the first few months, but you also have your own life.

You have offered for your daughter to come with you, and she's refused. That's her choice. She doesn't get to use emotional blackmail because she's not getting her own way though. That's unreasonable and not nice.

Stick to your guns. You have two children, and this trip has been planned with your other daughter. You need to set boundaries with your daughter, and make it clear what you will and won't be doing.

ttcat37 · 22/02/2026 20:19

Whoinvented · 22/02/2026 16:01

Fuck me … tell her to grow up.:. I had gestational diabetes it was no big deal. I had to prick my finger a few times a day. My pregnancy didn’t involve anyone else!

You were lucky, it’s not so straightforward for a lot of women and their babies.

Blindsided2025 · 22/02/2026 20:33

ttcat37 · 22/02/2026 20:19

You were lucky, it’s not so straightforward for a lot of women and their babies.

Show quote history

It is for most though, it’s extremely unusual for it to cause problems when it’s known about it, as this is.

Moonnstarz · 22/02/2026 20:44

Is she not going to be busy at work anyway while you are away? She's only 6 months pregnant so it's not like she will even be on maternity leave.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 22/02/2026 20:56

FancyCatSlave · 22/02/2026 15:13

Gestational diabetes has absolutely nothing to
do with weight or diet pre or during pregnancy. It is the pregnancy that causes it-nothing else. I had it and it really gets on my nerves that people act as though it is something we caused by an unhealthy lifestyle. It is not the same as type 2 diabetes- although there is a greater chance of developing that later. It is just one of those things that an unlucky proportion of the population develops.

She isn’t ill and she needs no more “looking after” than any other pregnant woman. Absolutely do not give in to the ridiculous demands and put boundaries in place now for the future.

You say that, but even my doctor was like “I’m really surprised you have it so severe when you’re so slim and healthy” I think the point it it isn’t caused by being unfit or overweight or whatever, but the majority of people who get it are overweight. Then a few anomalies

TunnocksOrDeath · 22/02/2026 21:16

Gloriia · 22/02/2026 17:11

'I think there’s something rather sinister and toxic about people who demand that others miss out on enjoyment'

That's rather dramatic. There is absolutely nothing sinister nor toxic about a 6mth pregnant dd with GD wanting her dm to stay home and offer support. I'd do it but as I say some of us have better relationships with our dms/dds than others.

But support has been offered - they literally asked her to join them at center parcs, where she could be taken care of by her family, and get some rest. Instead of accepting that offer, she is demanding that her parents ruin her sister's family holiday by cancelling at the last minute and hang around at home in case she wants to call them. I would never do that to my sibling. Ever. And my sibling certainly would never try to ruin my DC's holiday like that.

WhenRealityHits · 22/02/2026 23:38

Hiptothisjive · 22/02/2026 15:45

What are you on about? I was slim and perfectly healthy and ate immaculately due to pregnancy and got it anyone. Please don’t armchair medically give information.

Of the 10 in my NHS class all were slim and were surprised as the age well too.

Not okay with victim blaming on this one.

Show quote history

No-one said that every single woman with gestational diabetes was overweight.
You're the exception if you eat immaculately all your life.

However, women who are seriously overweight are 3 times more likely to get it than women who are not overweight, so being overweight is a significant risk factor and not a judgement.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gestational-diabetes/

Who's at risk of gestational diabetes
Any woman can develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy, but you're at an increased risk if:

  • you are over 40
  • your body mass index (BMI) is above 30 – use the BMI healthy weight calculator to work out your BMI
  • you previously had a baby who weighed 4.5kg (10lb) or more at birth
  • you had gestational diabetes in a previous pregnancy
  • 1 of your parents or siblings has diabetes
  • you are of south Asian, Black, African-Caribbean or Middle Eastern origin (even if you were born in the UK)
  • you have had a gastric bypass or other weight-loss surgery

If any of these apply to you, you should be offered screening for gestational diabetes during your pregnancy.

nhs.uk

Calculate your body mass index (BMI) - NHS

Check an adult's or child's BMI to find out if they're a healthy weight.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator/

ultracynic · 23/02/2026 00:03

Have you got a spare room for her at CP? You can’t just rock up with an extra person so you’d have to ring them or book an extra lodge.

Does your daughter work, if so does she expect you to wait at home on standby? Could she arrange to see friends?

It sounds like this might be the last break you get for a while, so I think you should go and spend time with your existing grandchildren.

Sisandbro81 · 23/02/2026 06:27

WhenRealityHits · 22/02/2026 23:38

No-one said that every single woman with gestational diabetes was overweight.
You're the exception if you eat immaculately all your life.

However, women who are seriously overweight are 3 times more likely to get it than women who are not overweight, so being overweight is a significant risk factor and not a judgement.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gestational-diabetes/

Who's at risk of gestational diabetes
Any woman can develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy, but you're at an increased risk if:

  • you are over 40
  • your body mass index (BMI) is above 30 – use the BMI healthy weight calculator to work out your BMI
  • you previously had a baby who weighed 4.5kg (10lb) or more at birth
  • you had gestational diabetes in a previous pregnancy
  • 1 of your parents or siblings has diabetes
  • you are of south Asian, Black, African-Caribbean or Middle Eastern origin (even if you were born in the UK)
  • you have had a gastric bypass or other weight-loss surgery

If any of these apply to you, you should be offered screening for gestational diabetes during your pregnancy.

Show quote history

After much back and forth, I think @Hiptothisjive eventually understood the point we were trying to make when we said obesity is A risk factor

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 23/02/2026 07:20

I controlled my GD in my second and third pregnancies through diet alone, which is entirely possible. My first pregnancy wasn't great as I had undiagnosed GD and my DD ended up being 11lb5.5oz..! That was... interesting 😆

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