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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my DD and go to CentreParcs?

220 replies

GReenasheet · 22/02/2026 15:01

DD is 34 and six months pregnant. Unfortunately she is on her own in this pregnancy (first child) as her partner has walked out. I don’t know the exact circumstances as she had only known him
a couple of years. She’s now moved back to her own home she was previously renting out. She hasn’t heard from him for several months.

Very understandably she is in a state though been coping as well as she can. It’s caused DH and I a lot of stress as we fear she is going to be very reliant on us when the baby is born. It’s been a worrying time and a few months ago our other daughter had planned a week at centre Parca for her and her husband, her two dc and her in laws and us. It’s been in the diary for months.

Our pregnant DD found out on Friday that she has gestational diabetes, she’s slim and eats well so we were surprised by this. She’s been on the phone all weekend and saying she doesn’t want to be alone this week and asking me not to go to centre par a so I can stay with her. We’ve invited her and said we will drive if she drives to our house (on the way to centre parcs for her) and she’s been shouting at me and making me feel awful saying she doesn’t want to go there with her sister’s in laws and she doesn’t want to travel etc. It’s only an hour away and the change of scenery would be so good for her. DH has said absolutely not to give in to her and that we’ve offered for her to come and it’s been booked for months.

I don’t think IABU necessarily but wondering what others would do as DD is making me feel horrendous about going. It’s fair to go if we’ve invited her to come?

OP posts:
Gloriia · 22/02/2026 17:11

'I think there’s something rather sinister and toxic about people who demand that others miss out on enjoyment'

That's rather dramatic. There is absolutely nothing sinister nor toxic about a 6mth pregnant dd with GD wanting her dm to stay home and offer support. I'd do it but as I say some of us have better relationships with our dms/dds than others.

Naturalmama11 · 22/02/2026 17:11

I never comment but I feel so compelled too, please enjoy your break with your family. She is far too old to be guilting her parents into helping out. Her behaviour is abnormal and downright selfish!

Gloriia · 22/02/2026 17:14

'You said you are worried she will be leaning on you? I do find that part a bit surprising tbh!'

Yes or maybe not surprising really as the dilemma is fun at centerparcs with her other dd and that dd's inlaws or staying with the stressed anxious, upset dd..

BudgetBuster · 22/02/2026 17:14

Fralalala · 22/02/2026 17:05

YANBU of course but I think your daughter is very frightened and struggling after her partner walked out and she is unfortunately lashing out.

That is not to say back down at all but perhaps offer to spend some time one on one with her another time? You can go to a spa or out for lunch somewhere, whatever she would enjoy - and let her know she can open up to you. She is going through a difficult time.

You said you are worried she will be leaning on you? I do find that part a bit surprising tbh!

One of my childhood friends was abandoned in pregnancy in her 20s and we all rallied round happily from the moment her kid was born . I used to take her toddler two nights a week at one point. She’s not even a blood relative but I saw her as family and stepped up like many of her other friends.

Edited

I took the part where the OP said her & Dh are stressed that she will rely on them post baby as they are obviously of a certain age (if she's 34 they may be 60s) and probably aren't equipped to do a lot of baby care. I'm sure they are happy to help.as and when they can.... but a daughter shouting at you and making you feel awful (OPs words) for not abandoning your plans with other grandchildren before her baby even arrives, sounds like someone who might cause stress. IMO.

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 17:14

BerryTwister · 22/02/2026 17:09

@Whyarepeople OP has said her DD is a few months pregnant and single for several months, and has recently found out she has gestational diabetes. If there’s more to it, OP hasn’t said, so we have to assume that’s all there is. And that would not warrant disrupting everyone’s plans in my opinion. I suppose some people are just more needy than others, and just assume that other people are there to serve them, and have no needs of their own. Selfish is the word I’d use actually.

Show quote history

All anyone in my family would need to say to me would be 'I need you' and I would be there. There wouldn't be any question about it being warranted - there is not a threshold someone has to meet to deserve help. The caveat here is that people in my family are not selfish so they would not ask for help just to disrupt my life and I would never assume that was what they were doing.

If the OP's daughter has form for disrupting others' lives for no reason then that's a different issue.

CheeryOP · 22/02/2026 17:17

I had gestational diabetes with my second baby who was born last year. Like your daughter, it was unexpected and a big shock. I was very upset for the first week or two after the diagnosis - I felt (wrongly) very guilty, wondering if I'd done something that caused it, reading the worse case scenarios for the baby and my health outcomes (increased risks etc), having to get used to pricking my finger multiple times a day to test blood sugar levels and hardly being able to eat any carbs even though I was exhausted. Many others I know with GD had a similar reaction. Some of the women were in tears for a couple of days. The pregnancy hormones don't help with coping with the diagnosis and your daughter has the added difficulty of being without a supportive partner. I would be gentle and supportive of your daughter. The timing of the centre parcs trip is really bad luck. She probably needs a few days to get used to the diagnosis. Is there a possible compromise? E.g. could you stay with her tomorrow, give her extra support then, and then see if you can coax her to come with you to centre parcs on Tues?

BerryTwister · 22/02/2026 17:18

Gloriia · 22/02/2026 17:11

'I think there’s something rather sinister and toxic about people who demand that others miss out on enjoyment'

That's rather dramatic. There is absolutely nothing sinister nor toxic about a 6mth pregnant dd with GD wanting her dm to stay home and offer support. I'd do it but as I say some of us have better relationships with our dms/dds than others.

@Gloriia it’s OK to want support, but it’s not OK to shout at the people who have been supporting you, but need a long awaiting break. Especially a break involving other people. Like I say, it would need to be life or death for me to think it was Ok to disrupt the plans of 8 other people. I have a great relationship with my Mum. We’ve supported each other a great deal through some unbearable heartbreaks (I would say the suicide of my brother is a bit worse than being pregnant and single), but never would I make her give up something nice to meet my own needy demands. She’s a person too.

I find it sad when people get so immersed in their own misery, they forget that other people have feelings too. Selfish. And rather pathetic.

RubyFatball · 22/02/2026 17:21

I voted YABU as in, YABU to even consider not going. Why on earth wouldn’t you. Your DD is a full grown-ass adult. Go, enjoy yourself.

Gloriia · 22/02/2026 17:21

BerryTwister · 22/02/2026 17:18

@Gloriia it’s OK to want support, but it’s not OK to shout at the people who have been supporting you, but need a long awaiting break. Especially a break involving other people. Like I say, it would need to be life or death for me to think it was Ok to disrupt the plans of 8 other people. I have a great relationship with my Mum. We’ve supported each other a great deal through some unbearable heartbreaks (I would say the suicide of my brother is a bit worse than being pregnant and single), but never would I make her give up something nice to meet my own needy demands. She’s a person too.

I find it sad when people get so immersed in their own misery, they forget that other people have feelings too. Selfish. And rather pathetic.

Show quote history

It isn't ok to shout out I agree but people do when upset and stressed.

Sorry about your db Flowers.

SmudgeButt · 22/02/2026 17:24

Am I the only one that thinks that she might be scared? Scared at the diabetes, scared about being on her own with a baby, scared that something might happen to the baby or to her.

I mean if she's always been the me me me tantrum type well then ok, just move on. But if this is new then maybe there's more that she needs from you and DH right now.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 22/02/2026 17:26

Please tell her that a poster on here (me), and many others had babies much, much younger by themselves. I was 19 and had to find a home to rent on my own, no family help whatsoever.
Leave her to it!

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 22/02/2026 17:26

Also had gestational db.

Superhansrantowindsor · 22/02/2026 17:27

I’m clearly in the minority but I would support pregnant dd. Centre parcs is shit anyway.

Dinnaeeatallthecheese · 22/02/2026 17:27

AmberSpy · 22/02/2026 15:11

I didn't pick up on that at all, where did you get the impression OP doesn't like her?

Show quote history

Ignore!
Pp is being snotty

Viviennemary · 22/02/2026 17:28

Of course you should go on your planned holiday. She is a grown woman of 35 and acting like a teenager. She is probably panicking at the thought of being a single parent but you have your life too. And she's got to realise that.

nondrinker1985 · 22/02/2026 17:29

My gosh she’ll be fine!! Just go.

Anonymouseposter · 22/02/2026 17:29

Gloriia · 22/02/2026 16:43

In the minority but I couldn't go if my dd was anxious, stressed and wanted me to stay. Different parents have different relationships but I'd prioritise my dc over centerparcs any day.

It wouldn’t be prioritising over centre parks but over her other daughter and existing grandchildren who are expecting her to go. The pregnant daughter may be stressed but she’s being selfish. OP has invited her and can also phone her regularly. She’s an hour away and it’s for one week.

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 17:31

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 22/02/2026 17:26

Please tell her that a poster on here (me), and many others had babies much, much younger by themselves. I was 19 and had to find a home to rent on my own, no family help whatsoever.
Leave her to it!

I really don't understand the 'I had to do this hard thing alone, so everyone has to do hard things alone' attitude. I struggled a lot with early parenthood. That's why I gave my sister as much help as I possibly could when she had her babies, so she wouldn't go through the same thing.

Notmyreality · 22/02/2026 17:31

Naturalmama11 · 22/02/2026 17:11

I never comment but I feel so compelled too, please enjoy your break with your family. She is far too old to be guilting her parents into helping out. Her behaviour is abnormal and downright selfish!

Yup. Sounds like she needs to grow up.

Barnbrack · 22/02/2026 17:33

FancyCatSlave · 22/02/2026 15:13

Gestational diabetes has absolutely nothing to
do with weight or diet pre or during pregnancy. It is the pregnancy that causes it-nothing else. I had it and it really gets on my nerves that people act as though it is something we caused by an unhealthy lifestyle. It is not the same as type 2 diabetes- although there is a greater chance of developing that later. It is just one of those things that an unlucky proportion of the population develops.

She isn’t ill and she needs no more “looking after” than any other pregnant woman. Absolutely do not give in to the ridiculous demands and put boundaries in place now for the future.

I agree with this wholeheartedly! All my sisters and I have had it and we're everything from tiny and super fit to morbidly obese and all been affected. Also pre eclampsia. My youngest very fit sister was misdiagnosed as theyr refused to believe she had them and was almost catastrophic

metellaestinatrio · 22/02/2026 17:33

Gloriia · 22/02/2026 16:43

In the minority but I couldn't go if my dd was anxious, stressed and wanted me to stay. Different parents have different relationships but I'd prioritise my dc over centerparcs any day.

But what about OP’s other DD, who she’s going to CP with? This isn’t just a random break for OP and her DH, it’s been planned for ages with her other DD, grandchildren and in-laws. How would OP make the other DD feel if she drops everything because her pregnant sister, who is nowhere near actually having her baby and in any event has been invited to come along doesn’t want to be alone for the weekend (when she doesn’t need to be!)? Pregnant DD is being spoilt and controlling and needs to grow up.

Bimmering · 22/02/2026 17:34

SmudgeButt · 22/02/2026 17:24

Am I the only one that thinks that she might be scared? Scared at the diabetes, scared about being on her own with a baby, scared that something might happen to the baby or to her.

I mean if she's always been the me me me tantrum type well then ok, just move on. But if this is new then maybe there's more that she needs from you and DH right now.

I think people understand that. They just don't agree that her parents need to drop everything to be with her because of it. If she is going to be a single parent, this is far from the worst thing that she will have to handle.

And of course her family should support her and it sounds like the OP and her DH will very much be there for her, but that doesn't mean they can never do anything else. And honouring the commitment that they made to their other DD is also important

PinkyFlamingo · 22/02/2026 17:38

BlueJuniper94 · 22/02/2026 15:09

She's in the wrong. But it doesn't sound like you like her very much. This can't be new behaviour.

Oh seriously? What on earth gave you that impression!

Sartre · 22/02/2026 17:47

I’d also be worried about this if I were you. She’s already throwing hissy fits and trying to make unreasonable demands and the baby hasn’t been born yet.

I think you need to set the precedent now that you are in control of your own lives, she’s a fully grown adult and has decided to go through with this alone so she will have to deal with it. Of course you’ll offer some support but will not be at her beckoning call. It’s tough but she isn’t a child or even young adult. She will have to get on with it.

EatYourDamnPie · 22/02/2026 17:48

@GReenasheetit all depends on whether she has form for this. If this is the first time she’s been acting like this , when she’s scared and vulnerable and possibly depressed , then I’d put her first.

However , if she has form for being flaky, kicking off, being demanding/entitled, making everything about her etc. then go on the holiday. You need to start putting boundaRies in now.

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