Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

No - it’s not. The whole first post is literally about the fact that OP forgot.

It took a text from her friend asking if she forgot for her to realise and according to OP by then it was too late.

I am talking about OP remembering her friend appointment, then as soon as possible after realising her child is sick/needs a GP calling her first thing to give her warning that she can no longer go. And then offer to bring her back in that same conversation (if she’s sure she can make it). Completely different scenario to what they outlined.

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.
Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?
Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot

Exactly and the thing is if you’ve messed up and you don’t want to apologise fine then maybe just go your separate ways, but the idea of deliberately inflaming the situation and upsetting your already hurt friend further by sending her bus timetables is absurd.

Its like of you don’t want to help me or acknowledge you’ve let me down okay, but don’t patronise and antagonise me by sending a bus timetable - unless I asked you to send one!

I am convinced some of these posters on MN don’t actually have any friends because that is surely the way to end a friendship.

You can drive home from a colposcopy, I think you’ve missed that it’s not a colonoscopy.

OP, I think she has acted really poorly.
I would be very slow to make an offers or commitments to her in future.

Her silent treatment is extremely manipulative and I think you need to step back.

She relies on you but actually your children and family come first and you really shouldn't be punished for that.
Stop tolerating this from her.

Erm, no - I was being sarcastic about the "easily done".

My point being, if posters think it's easy to forget to take someone to a hospital appointment (a big thing), they should apply the same thinking to not replying to a message (a much smaller and therefore presumably even easier to forget thing).
Yet they are saying it's understandable OP forgot but terrible the friend isn't replying - they can't have it both ways.

I just find the double standards odd.
And it's not the OP - she seems to be understanding! But other posters really laying into the friend.

How has the friend been manipulative? Let alone "extremely" so? She needs a few days space because she feels hurt by being forgotten. That's understandable.

Why is she expected to jump to replying to the OP when OP forgot about her? Why the double standards?

The friend hasn't objected to the OPs family coming first. She's hurt because OP agreed to help, then didn't let her know she couldn't.

I mean, I get why she is annoyed but if I was her, I would have messaged the night before to confirm the time you were picking me up, am surprised this type of conversation didn't happen?

Not surprised at all that she leans on you more than her.
She sees you as her PA.
She was childless, but could have asked her Ex?
She has other friends, sibling and parents.

She moved the date to mid term when you have children at home and an absent husband.
She chose not to check in by text the night before or the morning, knowing you are parenting alone.

I think she is a cheeky fxxker who needs to realise that the whole world doesn't revolve around her.
Why couldn't she get her self to such an appointment alone rather than bother you during mid term, particularly as she didn't have her children?

And your children were sick.
Her silence at your repeated apologies 🙄.
She's a complete drama llama and OP you need to drop the rope.
Good friends don't impose on friends unless its an emergency, especially when parenting at mid term alone with sick children.
Get a taxi or call her family.
Stop apologising to her for having a family and sick children.

Because the friend is acting like a spoilt brat. I think I've said it three times now and I also think I've said I'm so pleased my dear friends are not this fkn childish.

Are we going to go back and forth because you're bored? Or are you happy to accept that people have differing opinions..

I'm single and I still don't have empathy for the friend. I rely on myself and don't sulk when someone accidently forgets that their world does not revolve around me!

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago, drove myself to the hospital and drove home afterwards - no big deal. The short notice and the expense of an uber would definitely be annoying. However, she is single and therefore cannot understand the worry and stress of caring for your sick child, everything takes a back seat to that. If she cuts off the friend who is there for her 99% of the time it will be her loss imo.

But the friend has done nothing that is acting like "a spoilt brat".

Expecting someone to show up (or message of an emergency has arisen) when they've arranged to, and having double checked a few days earlier, is not spoilt brat behaviour, it's expecting basic courtesy from another person.

It's you who appears unable to accept others can have a different opinion, and unempatheric in general. I cannot imagine agreeing to help out a friend and forgetting and then thinking somehow the friend is wrong for being hurt! (And I say that as someone who is very self sufficient myself.)

The friend does have children. So she can presumably understand worrying about sick children.

What is fascinating about this thread is posters who believe the friend shouldn't rely on friends, yet characterise her as punishing the OP by not replying to a text.

There was a thread a while back where posters also believed people shouldn't rely on friends, yet that included not expecting timely replies to messages.

I mean, fair enough if you think people should be disconnected and only care about their little family (if lucky enough to have one) - but you can't also expect others to be jumping to reply and generally interacting with you a lot!

I'm really angry at you saying rightly so, her refusing to get a lift home with you. She was behaving pathetically towards you. It seems to me, rather than calling you and saying where are you, she deliberately left it so she had an excuse to be angry at you. You made a genuine mistake, because you had a lot going on, yet you still offered to give her a lift home and she threw a strop and ignored you. This is a grown adult behaving like a 5 year old.

Think back and be honest with yourself, how often has she been unreasonably angry at you for little inconsequential things? She seems like an absolute attention seeking, drama queen that wants you to keep begging her for forgiveness until she feels you've suffered enough, or more likely, until she needs something else.

I understand her being on her own but she's not all your responsibility and she clearly managed fine without you, so if I was you, I'd start pulling back if she keeps treating you like this.

Going against the grain here, but I can't believe how harsh - and self-righteous - everyone is being!! These things happen: it was the first time in 20 years, the OP offered to come and fetch her after the appointment, and she is worried about losing the friendship. She didn't come on here to be lectured - and made to feel even worse - by the holier-than-thou brigade. How happy you must all be in Smugsville, where everyone is perfect and no-one forgets anything!!

But the friend has done nothing that is acting like "a spoilt brat".
Expecting someone to show up (or message of an emergency has arisen) when they've arranged to, and having double checked a few days earlier, is not spoilt brat behaviour, it's expecting basic courtesy from another person.

Indeed. There's a lot of anti-single woman froth on this thread.

OP had a medical emergency with her child so it shouldn't be hard to understand how it happened. The friend got to hospital ok and she is just sulking. It would be a different scenario maybe if the OP had just forgotten and been watching TV when she was meant to collect her friend.

Because someone else asked was she taking the kids!🙄

I voted YANBU because the first thing on my mind was - did she remind you the evening before (if it was a morning appt), or in the morning on the day. Clearly not.
And in my book this was her responsibility. It is just a thoughtful thing to do considering your friend is offering to be your chaperone at a medical appointment at the time when their kids are home, no childcare available and husband working (which she would know if you are as close as you say).
Her question - have you forgotten - sent at the time when it was clearly too late is completely useless - clearly you have forgotten or you are dead or kidnapped.
Who organises something like this without nudging the person (who is doing her a favour) on the day to make sure all is good.
Who risks missing a colonoscopy appt by just awaiting for a busy person (you spoke about this days ago) to arrive or not arrive on the day.
I mean, surely you've gone out together before - being close friends and all... didn't you use to have the last minute texts - are you looking forward to doing xy, when are you planning to leave house, are you on your way, etc...In this case these would be: are you packed, are you worried, just to confirm - pick me up at 3, still ok?
I mean, surely lack of any communication on the topic the day before or on the day was a clear indicator that the pick up is not happening...

I think your friend is a bit spoilt and entitled tbh, you are not her mother. You also offered to be on your way and pick her up (having a sick child at home!!!) and she ignored you? I think you should start ignoring her for a change.

Agreed. Which is probably why the OP is the only one whose stuck around the friend as OP said.

if a mistake warrants silent treatment and such unforgiveness, the OP is better off without the friend.

This so called friend of the OP, who I’m assuming has a working phone and can call her friend, an uber etc. was expecting OP to drag her sick child around.

I suspect OP is a people pleaser and over committed here. I’m glad for the OP if this friend gets all huffy. OP needs kinder friends who’d say ‘love, don’t worry, your child is sick, I’ll make alternative arrangements’…

Learn from this OP, stop over committing particularly to someone you already do too much for, who hasn't the cop on to send a confirmation text tge night before and the morning.

Me and my friends do it because we respect each other, appreciate we have busy lives and things can slip a persons mind.

She's a spoiled woman who needs to be stepped away from.
Let her find someone else to use and tantrum at.

I think now we know the friend was having a colposcopy, it needs to made clear where she was having sedation or not.
If she was not having sedation, she didn’t need anyone with her anyway.
If she was having sedation then she didn’t need someone with her.
It is an important test and no doubt the friend was worried.
However, it’s important to know whether she wanted OP there as a friend or as someone who was assisting her to get home safely after being sedated.

This is exactly me.... One particular day recently there were numerous novel events occurring (nothing exciting all to do with elderly dad and medical appts) as well as econsults i needed to do (they can only be done at specific times of day at our surgery) and also stuff I had to do following this... Following up appts /pharmacy visits...

I had 15 novel alarms that went off... With repeater alarms...

I didn't drop the ball. BUT my guess I'd have forgotten lots without..

I'm especially likely to forget stuff if there is something urgent like family member being ill!

Peoppe are human.

Final update - we did manage to speak and have cleared the air..I was a little taken back/upset by some of her comments but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and wanted to move forward. I didn't do a big gesture like flowers, just spoke from the heart. No sedation, she said it was a quick procedure that went well and doesn't sound like she needs a follow up which is good. I made the point of apologising, but also being honest how thinly stretched I feel and will now take a different approach going forward. Thank you