Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

[MamaBee22]

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

I bet there would be such a different response on this thread if the friend had been OP’s MIL

OP apologised and offered to collect the friend which the friend ignored. Since the change of plan, she was only dropping her off anyway, not staying with her, due to having the children with her, so she wouldn’t have been holding her hand during the procedure.

I can understand. It’s happened to me a couple of times with important people in my life but in those cases it was a meal/coffee. I had no idea how I forgot. Had remembered it daily and then on the day nothing. It kind of ended both those relationships though, neither said that was why they just disappeared and refused to be roused for any future contact. It still bewilders me as it was the last thing I would do and was looking forward to both. And I feel both think I did it in purpose unable to believe I would forget. They are both very meticulous men and till then important allies. So I believe you and feel your inner fury.
I’ve had a colposcopy and it was awful they fry the neck of the cervix with hot wires, can get the laser version which I think is easier but I remember the male technician saying it was like frying an egg all the cells go from transparent to white. Stupid man saying that. I don’t remember going with anyone but was looked after by girl friend after because I needed some mothering that partner couldn’t give. So a bit if mothering. Make her some chicken soup do something that shows you really care.

I wonder why people bother to reply when they, obviously, haven’t read all the posts and ask questions which have been answered !!

This is spot on. Saying their kids are a priority is just stating the obvious. No one is saying otherwise but it’s the fact she didn’t remember.

Would probably have been different for her friend had Op remembered and called friend to apologise and say she couldn’t take her there but offered to still pick her up.

Great way to end a friendship. If a friend spoke to me like that, I’d realise they were either very rude or disliked me and cut things off either way.

And this is coming from someone who has made their own way to all recent hospital appointments myself and doesn’t ask anyone for a lift for anything . Last time someone ever took me to a hospital appointment was 2016 and it was my brother who I lived with.

If you can’t take your friend somewhere fine, but no need to be snarky and send her a bus timetable or the “number” for uber . I’m sure she is capable of finding alternative transport herself either from public transport/taxi or from another friend if she knows beforehand.

All you need to do is decline in advance, say “ sorry I can’t do it”. Simple.

The issue is OP agreed to do it and her friend was then relying on her. She then totally forgot which probably lead to a last minute scramble and additional stress for her friend in finding some other way to get there .

It was a mistake and she’s apologised and I’m sure will smooth things over when she goes over, so I’m not getting at the OP - but your suggestion for how to treat a friend asking for help is uncalled for.

Yes this! If my friend offered to give me a lift and then the date changed and she was going to have to bring her kids I would have said “It’s really kind of you but not fair to the kids - I’ll get an Uber.”

Once again for those at the back, it was a Colposcopy NOT a colonoscopy.
No prep, no pooing for hours the night before.
OP has confirmed the correct name.

@Bbq1not a colonoscopy. No prep. Colposcopy. Friend made the appointment on time. On such a long thread as this, maybe try reading OP updates first.

Hahaha oh boy I needed that laugh.

You seem to have your own issues which you’ve projected onto this situation. If OP didn’t think her friend was a “worthwhile human” (oh my, melodramatic, much?) she wouldn’t have offered in the first place.

Being single isn’t a disability and people in relationships also attend hospital appointments on their own all the time.

Friend made the appointment. It went fine according to OP.

Your last paragraph is what OP did.

Yes. As do married people!

I stand by what I say. Said friend seems like a spoilt brat, and using the silent treatment as a way of punishment?

I'd sent her two bus timetables, just in case she lost the first one! There is no way I'd put up with that shitty behaviour, especially if I was the one going out of my way, again and again.

It's clear OP has gone above and beyond to help her. Here's the number for Uber..

I disagree. I do think ringing or reminding you was her responsibility, no matter how close you are and how important you are to each other. You're both adults with busy lives and its easy to forget things. In my family and friend group, we always call or text the night before or on the day to make sure we're all good.

Obviously, you made a mistake but you didn't do it on purpose and you apologised, so i would say give her space and don't let her walk all over you. Also, a question - has she ever done anything for you? do you get help from her or is it you mostly helping?

Oh please, the shittiest behaviour is when someone who's fucked up insists that actually, they're the saint and the victim.

Being annoyed when someone lets you down is not shitty behaviour.

Yeah if only she’d apologised and offered to pick her up, that would’ve been a brilliant idea.

Fgs read the updates, only 9 of them!

No, its not. It's the silent treatment and acting like a spoilt brat that does it!

I have a lot of friends and not one of them would behave like this in a situation. I suppose I'm lucky 🙂

OP's friend didn't act like a spoilt brat. Two days of not replying to messages is not the silent treatment.

If you actually read the quote history, you'll see I was replying to comments about how single people are often viewed/treated. As if it's less important for them to have support at difficult times, for example, or judgement over them when actually they manage much more alone day-to-day than coupled up people.

The relatively short amount of time I've spent in a decent relationship had really opened my eyes to how much easier things are, how different things are when there's someone to share with and help each other out by default. As a single person it's so difficult with things like hospital appts where there's an expectation you have someone to support you (I was almost denied an operation a few years ago because of this; they weren't keeping people in overnight due to covid).

And attitudes displayed on this thread must contribute to single people feeling worthless. Not the OP, who seems to be taking things on board and understanding, but other posters who show no empathy for the friend, openly state she should be low on the priority list - not even bothering to let her know she needs to make alternative arrangements - and view her withdrawing in hurt as somehow "punishing" the OP. Oh, and even blaming her for not having other supportive people around - as if that's her fault, rather than a result of people with these attitudes that friends shouldn't need support.

Can you honestly not see that lots of people treating someone as low priority like this could make them feel, totally understandably, worthless to society?

So, what would you call it then?

As I've said upthread, I'm lucky my wonderful friends do not behave ln this way. They realise that no one's perfect and if there's a problem, we air it out and move along, not sulk for days like a petulant child. Some grown women are immature, and it shows!

Id just repeat that it was a genuine mistake and apologise again. Then the balls in her court. If she sulks dont react to it and wait for her to make next contact.

You can do an Uber or taxi for this appointment. As long as u r not driving yourself home

She did nothing that was "acting like a spoilt brat".
It's perfectly acceptable to feel hurt if someone lets you down.

As for not replying to a message - perhaps she just forgot, eh? Easily done, apparently...

Then, if it's easily done, perhaps she needs to take her own advice..