Son won't move out!

[OneGreenPoster]

My son broke up with his gf in December (I posted here about it) he moved in with us. He keeps saying he'll find somewhere soon
But he isn't even looking, he has a good job and savings so can easily afford it

How long is reasonable until we tell him he has to go?

Just buy a bed for your spare room & insist he sleeps in there. If you get on well & don't mind him being there just explain that he's welcome to stay but there are certain house rules he needs to follow. Also ask him to chip in for household outgoings & chores if he's not paying rent. December isn't very long & it'll take him a while to find his feet I'm guessing.

Time to have a proper chat, say sleeping on the sofa isn’t suitable now you’re over 2months in and you’d appreciate him buying himself a bed, be firm

I think you need a two fold strategy.

1. If he's still there by end of week he moves to the spare room, you want your living space back.
2. He starts paying lodge average is around £300-500 area depending.

This is non-negotiable. He needs to make a decision move out or move to guest room.
Also lodge is non- negotiable

It depends on your living conditions really- and how disruptive and expensive his presence is. I would certainly give him a couple of months, but by this stage start asking about his property search.

Sort the spare room and lay down the law. Your home your rules. Then have noisy sex on the sofa and he’ll never want to sleep on it again! Job done. Or you and hubby start roaming around naked and getting jiggly! No bigger turn off for kids than knowing their old people are shagging!

The OP doesn't want him there - which is up to her and obviously her husband. Rather than getting into a situation where he pays for his room it would probably be better if he started looking elsewhere

What they charge if he is staying is down to them. Personally I think someone paying 500 quid a month to live in a room is a lot of money even though that seems to be the going rate - sometimes with bills excluded and sometimes not

I pay less than 400 pounds for a one bedroom flat (I don't own).

The bigger issue is that the OP and her husband don't want him there long term so it's probably better if he moves on

But its still a way of forcing him to see the reality of his situation. Also if I were in their position I wouldn't want my livingroom took up by my son. Id rather have a better solution as he cannot sleep on the sofa indefinitely. This is just a way to make him move on

There are times where people won't change their kids the going rate - or any rate - and that's up to them but the OP and her husband have made a rod for their own back here. He's been living there since Christmas on his terms and he's not paid a penny - how do they think that's going to change apart from throwing him out

He won’t even sleep in the spare room so he’s taking up the lounge!! If your son wanted to sleep in the bathroom so nobody could use it without getting him up and out of it would that be fine because he’s your child and you will lovingly permit him to sleep wherever he wants?

A sit down grown up conversation along the lines of:
"This has gone on longer than you or we expected. We need to have a more suitable plan going forward. You need to pay towards the household bills/ lodge (or whatever form of compensation they decide) and you need to move into the spare room as we would like our living space back so we can relax of an evening in our own home."

Then discuss where he is ie looking for a place and offer assistance looking.
It doesn't have to be mean but a mutually agreed plan needs to be set with expectations, as it seems the issue isn't him being there but the fact he's monopolising their living space.

I have grown children (17-25) two still at home, one with their own place (rented) both at home pay Lodge (not a lot as they are both saving for driving lessons, or to buy house) if the other needed to come back she can but it would not be in the livingroom she would have to squeeze into the study and pay in as well.