Son won't move out!

[OneGreenPoster]

My son broke up with his gf in December (I posted here about it) he moved in with us. He keeps saying he'll find somewhere soon
But he isn't even looking, he has a good job and savings so can easily afford it

How long is reasonable until we tell him he has to go?

When I split from my ex, I moved back in with my parents and was welcomed with open arms. I was there 6 months and both of them cried when I left. We had a lovely 6 months living together. I am even more grateful for them, after reading some of the responses on here!

Ah, so it seems there’s a lot more to this situation than you first said @OneGreenPoster!

Get a bed in the spare room and reclaim your lounge. That should help matters.

It isn’t entirely clear what the problem is though. Do you not get on?

Who is “us?” Is it you and DS father? Or are we talking about another man who maybe resents DS being there?

I would just sort the spare room and make him sleep there, tell him sofa isn’t an option anymore

Presumably though you weren’t marinating on the couch with zero interest in putting a roof over your own head.

OP, your house, your decisions, your rules!

He gets off the sofa and moves into the spare room and pays you a decent rent - if you are happy with that.

But stop letting him sleep on the sofa if you don't want that.

Either sort out the above or tell him to move out, but take charge of it one way or another.

Why are asking him for his opinion?
Set the bed where you think it's appropriate, it's your house. And give him a deadline to find somewhere to live if that's an issue. I think 2-3 weeks is a good amount of time to find somewhere, maybe with another couple of weeks to actually move in..

fair 😂

Well done on raising such independent adults. You are doing them no favours

@Bunnybigears

because its what adults do?

We do get on very well, he is just being very difficult about the cituation insisting on sleeping on the sofa.
My husband is his father yes, but is very hard on him.

Nah! He moves into the spare room right now (he can buy himself a futon).
He starts paying rent from 1st March (that's next Sunday, decent of you to give him an extra free-week)
He starts to look for work on Monday morning, that is TOMORROW, and makes it his daily priority.

The 4-weeks is the date you chuck him out if he hasn't done the above.
Adult DC living at home, paying their way, helping with the housework, keeping to their own space - can be a boon and a blessing.
Your DS sounds like a blot on the landscape.

Gently OP given your previous thread and his behaviour now, it sounds as if no one has been hard enough on him in the past hence his behaviour with his ex and his selfishness now

He can’t ‘insist’ on sleeping on the sofa when it’s not his house. Either buy him a bed and move all his stuff upstairs, or book him into the nearest Travelodge for a week and after that he’s on his own.

I too would get a bed for the spare room, if you can afford it, and move his thibgs upstairs. If he complains tell him you need your lounge back because that’s where you and DH like to shag. I doubt he’ll argue with that

What a sad post. If you didn't get on or had issues I could maybe understand, but why have kids if you can't lovingly offer them a roof over their head at any time they may need one? I can't imagine turning with of my DC away, in any circumstance or at any age if they needed my support.

He can’t insist anything. It’s not his house.

What on earth is your problem, he

I thought he is employed

Yes they do but generally when they want to not when their parents kick them out. As a child who was told in no uncertain terms not to expect to go back home after leaving for Uni I wouldn't force my child out of my house no matter how old they were.

I agree! Most parents I know would love their kids to move back in.
Also I don't understand why so many posters say he must move out, even if he goes to live in a HMO, soneones spare room etc. What's the obsession with paying a stranger rent when family have a spare bedroom?

I was told by one of the parents that I will need to go once I turn 18... I couldn't wait to move out!

Agreed. Get the bed, move him and his stuff into the spare room. Charge rent as of 1stMarch. Give him a firm moving out day, if that’s what you want.

My adult daughter lives with me and it works just fine!

We have always been incredibly close, and she really is my best friend, we love our lives the way we are.

So the situation is that it is not his house. If he wants to stay he has to follow your (and your husbands) rules.

You don't not like him bring on the sofa, so if he wants to stay he moves into the spare room. He should also be contributing in some way to household expenses- if he is gaming he is using electricity, which is a variable he should pay towdlards.
He is using WiFi, but i assume that is a fixed rate that hasn't changed with him being there.
Is he buying his own food- if not he should be contributing towards food and drink.
He should also take responsibility to be doing some jobs around the house- at least clearing up after himself if he isn't doing so already.

Who cooks meals - if you or HDH, does he help with the clearing away? If not he should be.
He is an adult, and so needs to adult. He can do that even if he is staying at your house.
I think he also needs a realistic date to move out by, otherwise he won't start looking. He should also be putting money aside while he can, to prepare himself for when he does move out.