Son won't move out!

[OneGreenPoster]

My son broke up with his gf in December (I posted here about it) he moved in with us. He keeps saying he'll find somewhere soon
But he isn't even looking, he has a good job and savings so can easily afford it

How long is reasonable until we tell him he has to go?

Sorry *bed

Both of them. It’s the parents job to teach the child how to live like an adult. But for some reason parents of boys seem incapable of teaching their sons how to cook, clean and take responsibility for their share of the household tasks. Then wonder why no one wants to live with them

Some of us would love to have adult children at home. DS lives over 200 miles away so we don’t see him that often.

That is your opinion, I have 2 still at home both adults and it works for us all .

You need to schedule a time to talk, not bring it up over dinner.
Tell him you were happy for him to crash on the sofa for a couple of weeks but it has now been a couple of months and you need your living room back. He needs to sort a bed for the spare room (him not you - he can take it with him) and start contributing to the bills - have an amount in mind and stick to it.
He will either move to the spare room or leave

I’d give him 4 weeks at that point he either moves in the spare room and starts paying rent or he moves out

You said on the thread re the break up that he couldn't stay with you. If that's the case then ask him to start looking for private rented accommodation or a shared room. Surely if your husband is as blunt as you say he was on your other threads he can have the conversation and put a timescale to leave on

A 30yo man child who doesn’t work and games all day? What a catch.

He doesn’t get to insist on sleeping on your sofa like a tramp. Turn off the WiFi and tell him to leave.

OP say that he plays games when he isn’t working which suggests he is working

I wouldn’t have a deadline for moving out but he would not be allowed to sleep on the sofa and he would be paying rent form the end of the month ( cover additional costs , or save , your choice )

Yep. My house will always be their home providing that they contribute.

Thanks for clarifying. Either way he doesn’t get to take over her living room. Time to go.

My parents did that to me - only difference being that I was looking for a job and struggled finding one.

Several decades later they wonder why we don't have a close relationship.

theres a lot of context to this with a previous long thread about his long term girlfriend kicking him out due to his unwillingness to commit

His selfishness is a feature not a bug

He does work. The OP said in the first post that he has a good job

I remember the previous posts very well and could see this coming a mile away.
Still, its quite funny, karma etc.

Well, he’s an adult and needs to start acting like one. He’s not a child and doesn’t need baby-fying.

Break ups happen.

Sit him down and give him a time limit to find somewhere else. 👍

You need to TELL him that sleeping on the sofa was temporary and 3 months on is taking the piss now so he either moves into the spare room with a bed and pays the going rent or he finds somewhere and moves in by the end of Feb

You should tell him that the sofa sleeping cannot continue. You're done with that. He either moves into the spare room and pays a fair contribution for the cost of housing him or he finds a flat, but he's not sleeping on your sofa any more.

Entirely up to you OP. There is no right or wrong answer. And you are more than well within your rights to ask him to leave. All these ridiculous post from people who want to live with their adult children forever. I love my kids but they are adults and the last thing I want is them living at home. I want them out and independent and I can I get on with my life without them under my feet.

I love them and like them to. Doesnt mean I want to live with them as adults.

This.

He either finds somewhere by end of next week or he sorts a bed in spare room.

Say your happy him to be here but he cant stay on the sofa.

Do you think he's going to find a new place and be able to move in in 6 days time?

You are now experiencing what his ex did. The inability to decide what he actually wants, see what needs doing and getting it done, as well as listening to other people, who his behaviour is affecting. He hasn't quite grown up. Your DH has got his number, so he needs to have a word. If you move him into the spare room, you'll be posting about him still being there in another year. Unless you find a woman who you can tell she best accept him because there aren't many good men out there and she's getting on. Of course she'll have to be more convenient than your couch. Wake up.

Tell him that if he wants to act like a child he can do it in his own home, but whilst he's living at yours then he lives by your rules. No sleeping on the sofa, no gaming anywhere but his own room, he does his own laundry/cooking and he pays towards the bills. He's an adult and it's time he grew up. The days of his parents pandering to him are over.