DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

So what did he spend it on?

So how much and what’s he done with it?

Does the betting money come out of family money?

DH would never do this. You must be disappointed.

I think that’s pretty awful OP - is your relationship generally good?

I agree. That's shitty behaviour.

How much are we talking? I do think it’s relevant. Like 2/3 grand or more like 10/20? Although I’d be dismayed if he hadn’t even told me he’d won 120 quid! He sounds very selfish

What's your relationship like otherwise, is this really out of character?

How much and where has it gone?

How much does he put in and where does that come from?
Assuming you are talking about going away abroad then they must be putting in a fair amount!

He's a selfish prick.

Wow. Thats really low behaviour. The fact that he had a little windfall and his immediate thought wasn’t to treat you and/or his kids tells me all I need to know about the man. What a horrible specimen. Poor you.

He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

Well, at least you now know where his priorities lie.

Whats is your joint financial situation? I’d be looking into lining up those ducks…

How much was it? And whatever the
number is, is that a large amount of money for your family and circumstances?

I’m astounded that your DH didn’t think this would come up in conversation at some point. Even if he wanted to keep it for himself surely he’d have told you and discussed as it would have either come up or you’d have said “hey, where’s that fancy new bicycle come from?” etc….

Sorry it would have helped if I said the amount. It was over £800. He used/uses his own money for this.

They had a pre arranged day out on the train last Saturday which turned into a ‘celebratory piss up’ in his words and so some of the money was spent on that and a fancy curry as a ‘treat’ with the winnings.

He says he has a few hundred left which he hasn’t decided what to do with yet , but said we can get a takeaway with some of it tonight (something we do most Saturday’s anyway!)

If only you had won the money. You could have stashed it a running away fund and MN would have been delighted.

He does not like you very much .

We wouldn’t have gone abroad, but in pricing up a few days away domestically we were about £3/400 short.

Big whoop on the takeaway! As OPs have asked, is he usually this selfish?

Pretty selfish behaviour.

Does your DH always behave as if he's a single man?

Is he always this tight-fisted?

He’s a selfish cunt.

DH would never do this and neither would I. Both our sons are grown up now, with their own partners, DS2 has a 2yo, and they’d not do it either. It would go in the pot, or savings to do something nice.

If you normally have seperate finances, then fine. As it would be if you win something.

If your finances are joint, then not fine. 🤷‍♀️

I guess it's tricky as if it's from his personal spending money I can see why he would think it is his.

However I do think it's selfish to win a fair amount knowing that would have helped go away at half term and do something nice, and not just finally admit to the money and say it will fund the usual Saturday night takeaway.

It doesn't matter if it's"family money"/

Surely all the money for the kids is family money anyway

How have you been reacting to this news to him? Money aside, he has kept a secret from you and that would worry me more than anything.