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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH hid betting windfall

951 replies

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:39

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Overtheatlantic · 21/02/2026 17:51

I’d tell him where to put his takeaway and start making plans to leave. I loathe stingy selfish people and especially if they are partners.

Original poster
Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:52

His counter argument was that I don’t offer to part fund his stakes on the weeks they lose so why do I think I should get a share of the winnings.

He isn’t always selfish, but clearly has a streak in him.

OP posts:
Snaletrale · 21/02/2026 17:52

Very selfish. Didn’t he want a holiday away with his family?

Iloveacurry · 21/02/2026 17:54

I think the problem is that he didn’t tell you of the win, but kept quiet about it.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 21/02/2026 17:54

It's possibly his 'running away fund' which so many MNetters advise people to have?

NewTricks2026 · 21/02/2026 17:54

It’s not for “you” though is it? It would have been something for his family.

I’ve had a few premium bond wins and have considered it ‘mine’ but I haven’t hidden it and I’ve usually put it towards something for “us” or into savings.

It wouldn’t occur to me to hide it and I’d be pretty pissed off with my DH if he had hidden a win.

ValidPistachio · 21/02/2026 17:55

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 21/02/2026 17:54

It's possibly his 'running away fund' which so many MNetters advise people to have?

Men aren’t allowed one because they earn more or something.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 21/02/2026 17:55

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:52

His counter argument was that I don’t offer to part fund his stakes on the weeks they lose so why do I think I should get a share of the winnings.

He isn’t always selfish, but clearly has a streak in him.

This somehow makes it worse!

Ninerainbows · 21/02/2026 17:55

That's so mean-spirited. The first thing I'd do would be to text DH to say I won!

I might keep a couple of hundred to buy something nice, but I know DH would encourage me to do so and vice versa. The rest would go into our joint savings.

DownsideUpside · 21/02/2026 17:55

All this his money/ family money nonsense. If you’re married with children, all money is the family’s money. Fair enough if he didn’t want to spend it on that particular holiday but it’s weird to not discuss it and try to spend it on himself without telling his wife. Greedy selfish behaviour to hide it.

namechange3651 · 21/02/2026 17:56

I think this is perfectly fair if you have separate finances tbh. Overall he’s probably paid more into these bets than he’s gotten back, so if it came from ‘his’ money it’s fair it goes back to him surely.

usedtobeaylis · 21/02/2026 17:56

What a wanker.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 21/02/2026 17:57

ValidPistachio · 21/02/2026 17:55

Men aren’t allowed one because they earn more or something.

Show quote history

Except on Mumsnet where it's very common for women to earn more than their partners.

KitsyWitsy · 21/02/2026 17:57

NewTricks2026 · 21/02/2026 17:54

It’s not for “you” though is it? It would have been something for his family.

I’ve had a few premium bond wins and have considered it ‘mine’ but I haven’t hidden it and I’ve usually put it towards something for “us” or into savings.

It wouldn’t occur to me to hide it and I’d be pretty pissed off with my DH if he had hidden a win.

Me too but me and my boyfriend are old, he has plenty of his own money so it's not an issue if I treat myself to something with my PB wins.

When I had a young family with my ex, neither of us would ever do anything like this. We always shared everything. I am so sad for you that your husband is so selfish. My ex would have been so pleased to treat us all to something.

DownsideUpside · 21/02/2026 17:57

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:52

His counter argument was that I don’t offer to part fund his stakes on the weeks they lose so why do I think I should get a share of the winnings.

He isn’t always selfish, but clearly has a streak in him.

But if he lost big I bet you’d be impacted by that!!

saltandvinegarpringles · 21/02/2026 17:58

I actually don't see the issue here. He bets his own money and takes all the losses, so why shouldn't he take the wins too?

Soontobe60 · 21/02/2026 17:58

I would be absolutely furious if my DH did this.

PlumPlumb · 21/02/2026 17:58

ValidPistachio · 21/02/2026 17:48

If only you had won the money. You could have stashed it a running away fund and MN would have been delighted.

The reason women are advised to have an emergency fund is because statistically they are the ones most at risk of needing to leave a relationship quickly due to domestic violence and statistically the ones most likely to be left with the majority of childcare responsibilities when a relationship breaks down.

Anyone who doesn't understand that is probably part of the problem...

daisychain01 · 21/02/2026 17:58

Not saying this to rub it in, @Sarahji but one of the best things about winning a windfall is sharing that moment with your other half.

We have regular conversations about winning the Euromillions. It's never going to happen, £5.60 is our biggest win but it's that excitement of planning what we would do with a nice amount of money.

£800 is a nice sum of money that your DH is sneakily keeping to himself and only talking about it when his mate's wife spilt the beans to you. That's not a good look. Lying by omission is still lying, I'd question how committed he is to the relationship with that behaviour,

as for a takeaway, that's as stingy as it gets!

MO0N · 21/02/2026 17:58

Sarahji · 21/02/2026 17:52

His counter argument was that I don’t offer to part fund his stakes on the weeks they lose so why do I think I should get a share of the winnings.

He isn’t always selfish, but clearly has a streak in him.

I would use that argument to make sure he doesn't benefit from anything that I do.

MammaBear1 · 21/02/2026 17:59

If I’d won say a tenner on the lottery I’d mention it but not share particularly. If it was a higher amount say £100 I’d
probably treat us to a meal out. Anything higher we’d discuss what to spend it on.
He’s been horribly selfish. It would put me right off.
Is he generally selfish?

TricNorthCarolina · 21/02/2026 18:00

I agree with him to a point. He's pays to put the bets on (not you) so it is his money.

However, I wouldn't be happy about the secretive nature of the win. If I'd have won £800, I'd have discussed it with DH & probably given him £200 for himself unless I really wanted to spend all of it on something for the whole family.

DH would have done the same. It wouldnt have been automatically 'ours' to spend on joint family stuff.

Obviously if he'd have won a lot more then that would have been different but for £800 either one of us giving the other a quarter is reasonable enough.

MO0N · 21/02/2026 18:01

There will be other amounts of money that you dont know about. Dont let on that you suspect, he'll only work harder to conceal.

Ninerainbows · 21/02/2026 18:01

PlumPlumb · 21/02/2026 17:58

The reason women are advised to have an emergency fund is because statistically they are the ones most at risk of needing to leave a relationship quickly due to domestic violence and statistically the ones most likely to be left with the majority of childcare responsibilities when a relationship breaks down.

Anyone who doesn't understand that is probably part of the problem...

Edited
Show quote history

I also don't think it's at all relevant unless the OP or the other posters on the thread have been proven to have encouraged running-away funds. It's not a hive mind.

WishingIwasyoungerandslimmer · 21/02/2026 18:03

I bet if the OP had spent £2.50 of her personal money on a lottery ticket and won a few thousand pounds, the 'DP' would expect the OP to share it with him.

If the 'DP's initial thoughts on getting small windfalls is to keep it to himself and never consider treating his family as well as himself, the OP should be seriously considering whether she wants him in her life. I wouldn't!