DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

The secrecy and deceit would do my head in.

Maybe he wanted an amount to keep by in case of any crisis ahead, rather than spend it on family. I can understand this.

But they could do something nice with it.
If he kept half and shared the other half of the sum, it would allow the whole family to go away for a few days during the holidays.

Your approach makes sense if 400£ doesn't make a difference to the family. Which isn't the case here

@igelkott2026 but they could have gone on a family trip in half term. Surely it depends on your usual income/savings how much an impact a windfall of £800 would be. If you have loads of savings £800 might be nothing, but if you don’t have much spare cash £800 could pay for a rare treat for the family

And the reason he didn't want to spend some of it on his children?

yes he IS always selfish, its just you don't often realise it.

Cheap with money, cheap with love.

My ex husband would have done the same. He’s a selfish fuck op

I kind of agree with this ^. I don't think he needed to share the winnings with you, esp as you have separate finances. But i think he should have told you about it and perhaps done something for the kids with at least some of the winnings. I'm sure most parents would have. Could have at least got them something. If winnings are substantial enough to warrant a celebratory piss up and a curry, then surely you'd want to share the joyful news with your partner?! What would upset me the most was that he has a propensity to keep secrets.

About twenty five years ago, I worked up in the city, in a firm where the lads had a bet on the geegees on a Friday. I didn't bet, but one Friday I had a go, just putting a fiver on a treble (three horses, three races). The first two won and the third fell at the final hurdle after leading. I had already planned to buy a big bunch of flowers for my wife and then surprise her with the cash (which would have been around £1200). Sadly, it never happened.
Sorry about your husband's behaviour OP. it says a lot about his true character.

You should start a ladies match betting group. Only do the free bets for new players, and keep the lay bets low. The aim is to place low bets regular, and have like £50 pounds in the account to cover any losses. People who do it as a side hustle get £150 - £400 a month. Then the ladies should go spend their winnings . And its not taxable.

You're a married couple. It's not "his" money.
This is a major red flag.

The 'crisis ahead' turned out to be a piss up and a curry with his mates.

Yes it's just a straw in the wind, showing as someone else posted that his first desire was for himself and not you and the kids.
At least you know now. He's shown you a very important card.
Remember (don't hate or resent) but make sure you salt away your money for you and your kids should you ever need it.
Have a back up plan. Which to be fair is a sensible thing for all women to have, and even more so if children are involved.

Gosh what a selfish pig

Quite. All this nonsense about "his" money also means the children don't benefit. Selfish.

It's not so much that the OP is somehow automatically entitled to share his winnings really. It's more that he came into some cash and his first impulse was to conceal it so he didn't have to share. Other (nicer) people's immediate reaction would be delight to have the chance to spend it on something lovely with their family that they couldn't otherwise afford. This just shows you what his priorities are, which must be really disappointing.

I'd be offended he kept it secret. If that was my DH I would expect him to tell me - I wouldn't automatically think I would get any of it though but that he would use some of it for a family 'treat'.

Absolutely this!

This.

Any future wins of yours op, you keep schtum about and keep it to yourself. All of it.

So an unearned windfall you wouldn't share with your own spouse and children?
I think that's very selfish

Selfish fucker

I don't see an issue with it. He's choosing to spend his money on this so he reaps what he sows. If he lost £200 he's not asking you for a percentage to lesson the blow. I invest in stocks as a hobby and if they go up I'm not declaring it and I'll choose how I spend it but normally reinvest which is what he might be planning on. Get gambling yourself if you want the wins. If he's not used to winning might have just wanted to be selfish, if wins again soon then might want to share it.

Because he wanted to treat himself. Is that a crime? Because women on here are constantly told to do so.