DH hid betting windfall

[Sarahji]

DH and some of his mates have a weekly betting group where they pick football teams and put them in one big bet where the potential returns are high. He has always said they never win and that the most they’ve ever got back was £120 each.

I have become close with one of his friends partners in the past year or so as our youngest is in the same school year. I saw her at soft play this afternoon, we were discussing our half term weeks and she said they’d gone away as a family. I said we looked and that the prices were really high so we couldn’t find a suitable deal.

She said they only managed it as they (the men) had the ‘win the other week’ and this covered it. I blurted out something which obviously showed I was surprised, as she immediately tried to move the subject on.

I spoke to DH when I got home who confirmed this win. He said he didn’t want to feel he had to spend it on ‘us’ so kept it to himself.

He knew how much the kids and I would have loved a few days away and could have easily put some towards it.

I’ve had the odd unexpected windfall during our relationship and some of it has always been used for his benefit too.

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

So the take away from this is that he lies to you. You found out by accident, he didn't tell you.

What else does he keep from you?

And what's all this about his/ her money? If you're married then it's one pot of family money (that you both treat with respect).

That’s a hell of a lot to spend in a pub and a curry. I’m really sorry, that’s awful.

That's shit. I won £714 this week and bought by oh a TV he has wanted since the 80s

My partner has won £ in premium
bonds the last two months and has paid for a meal out, brought me flowers and a top i wanted for ages. We are a partnership ( not married) and while we don’t share finances we both treat each other.

I can’t imagine him not sharing the info about it and deliberately keeping quiet so as not to share even a small amount of it to celebrate.

I can’t imagine someone not wanting to at least share a little with their loved ones/ their children and keep it a secret.

ETA *didn’t mean to quote that poster. Sorry!

I wouldn't be with anyone who gambled regularly other than the lottery let alone one who hid his winnings. Such a waste of money.

If he used his money, not joint money then I wouldn't expect to have a say in how he spent it. I'd be annoyed that he lied about it though and that would be my issue.

So you play the lottery...and if you don't, start, use your own money and you never know. He sounds like a selfish git. My DH would never do this ...if he won big I would never expect it all to go to family funds but the majority so the kids had a holiday especially with half term. I think it's the secrecy that would drive me mad, what else is he keeping secret

Oh dear. Another subpar male specimen. Sorry OP this must be a horrible realization that your husband is very undesirable.💐

Wow. Selfish git

his friend shared with his wife /kids aka family and went away

your dh didn’t even tell you and spent on getting pissed and a curry

His money = his win.
Your money = your win.
Joint money = joint win.

Many years ago my df told me his dw had won The Football Pools.
He hadn't had a car since being made redundant years before.. She loaned him money for a pedal bike.. Took 2 years before she would acknowledge it was joint money.
Never seen them since they bought a house with the cash.. Funny thing was Back In The Day unemployment benefit was in his name with her as an add on. . So technically his/her /they money paid for the card. She refused to admit that for 2 years.

I understand the argument that his money = his win but surely part of the fun is treating your partner?

I won £400 from a £10 bet a couple of years ago and immediately sent £200 to DH's personal account. It never occurred to me to stash it away - it was great to treat him.

This is the consequence of being married with children but not having shared finances. He thinks his money is for him, minus the bit he chips in to the family pot. You need to discuss what will happened if one of you inherits - share or stash.

Fascinating how many people make shit up, are amazed that a forum of mostly women centres women and fail to understand concepts like the general earning gap.

I suppose such people are easily fascinated.

My husband has the is set up with his mates. He doesn’t keep winnings a secret but they keep it in a an account and at the end of the season spend it doing a group activity with the 6 of them that bet. It’s not family money!!

sometimes they have a enough for a take away and big session, sometimes they have gone on a lads weekend away!! Unless he’d won 1000’s I wouldn’t expect that money to come into the family finances

The amount doesn't matter. He has shown his true colours. If my DH ever gets any extra money he gives it to me to decide what to do with as family money. If I get extra money I do likewise. He's not a team player which is a problem if he's on your team....

Very selfish and conniving of him - he’s not a nice man, partner and dad.

This thread is batshit. I have seen many threads where women are encouraged to hide wins/bonuses.

He kept quiet because the OP would tell him how she's spending it. On a break away apparently.

I think that makes perfect sense. Where is the flaw?

It’s not family money!!

Well obviously, they keep it in an account and spend it on a group activity for all of them. Sheesh. But if the arrangement was to split it and take individual shares of the cash, that's a different matter. Is this not obvious?

In that universe it would not be hidden.

But this has nothing to do with men earning more. The husband risked his own money and won.

Now if I was in the position would I share it with my family? Probably but him not doing it is not enough in my opinion to bring out the wickerman.

The people on here trying to destroy a marriage by telling o.p to leave and that he is a shit partner over a small disagreement on values need to take a look at themselves and get away from their phones.

His argument is just really…sad. I feel he should want to spend the money, or some of it, on/with his family. If I won £800 now the first thing I’d suggest to my partner would be a little overnight spa break for the two of us, then a couple of days out with our baby. Maybe take our parents for a nice meal as they’ve all been so good to us with childcare. Automatically everything I think of to spend the money on is with my family. Maybe I’d keep hold of £100 or so to treat myself to some new clothes. My boyfriend would be the same. He would never just see it as his money and argue that I didn’t put any into the betting system.

M ex was like this. He hid a £47 000 pay out from me. Until I found out

Now he spends his life bitching about the £500 000 He lost to me when we split up and I took half the house. Sad 😔