AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

In the UK, you have 6 months from the grant of probate to challenge a will, but there are only specific circumstances in which it can be challenged and, going by what you have said here, none of those circumstances apply.

Rightly or wrongly, you feel hard done by. That's unfortunate, but there is nothing you can do about it.

I agree with others - it sounds like you left your sister to deal with a shitty, increasingly difficult situation alone, and refused to help when asked. Despite saying you felt pushed out, you seem to have made no effort to change this, just though 'fuck them'. Why do you think you deserve more money? Just because you're related? Yes, I do think YABU to feel insulted.

The solicitor was under no obligation to write to you to explain the rules of probate (not sure how that applies to you not obtaining a copy of the will anyway). Did you not know your mother had died until a significant period later? If so, didn't you support your sister at all, or see her at the funeral, or talk to her at all between then and now? If you were so concerned about money, why didn't you ask for a copy of the will, or google how to obtain a copy of a will? This entire situation is of your own making.

How much of your mother's money came from you?

None?

So it was her money to do with as she wanted.

She could have given more of it to you.
Or none at all.
She could have left it to the Cats' Home.
She could have set fire to it.
It was hers.
And she left it to the person who looked after her.

50 miles? Think of that £10,000 as petrol money for the times you did go up.

Why do you feel you were entitled to more? When you haven don't nothing to help her or even seen her?
Your sister has dedicated her life to looking after her. You shouldn't get a penny.

I was just thinking this.
£285000
Minus 6 months of care fees.
Minus 10k for the OP.
...17 years of care provided.
Suddenly that money seems small in comparison to the sisters care contribution.

It is advised that if you wish to make it harder for someone to challenge a will, leave them something so they can't say they were forgotten.

If your mum took legal advice and did the will through a solicitor, the £10k is a deliberate amount and intended to be an f off message

If you're so insulted let your sister and her husband have your 10 grand.

They sound like lovely people who absolutely deserve it ❤

Do you realise how entitled you sound?

Theres zero self awareness in any of your messages.

What is with all the fanfic today

Have you been at the OP?

OP - my relative died 5yrs ago now so prices will have gone up. The residential home, (note residential not nursing) was 60K a year. With inflation that’ll be at least 70k now, plus even more if nursing care is needed…you’re lucky thanks to your sister that there’s 10k left!

Think £10k is fair enough if you did very little to support. We’re in a similar position in our family - carer for grandparent/parent and sibling of my parent does sweet FA. Despite all of us having children and full time jobs. My gp changed their will to reflect that.

Yes, surely no one can be as thick as this?

You didn’t even get involved in the will or the estate, let your sister handle it all and yes even though a solicitor is employed it’s still a lot of work.

in this instance your mother took the right decision. She will have been incredibly hurt by the way you behaved. And I really don’t beleive for one moment your sister was showing off about caring for your mother, and how hard it was, more you felt guiltily so felt it was showing off.

you took your decision, enjoy your 10k. It’s more than you deserve.

Morally you don't deserve a penny. I can't imagine behaving the way you have without some massive backstory and then I wouldn't want a penny. I feel huge sympathy for your sister - she sounds like she earnt every penny of that inheritance.

Sorry, what?

You should count yourself lucky you got 10 grand. You have no idea how hard it is looking after a sick relative. Your sister probably had no social life not to mention the emotional toll it would have taken on her, while you washed your hands of your responsibilities and hadn’t seen her for four years. . Good on your mum. I bet she was glad she had your sister

@Leftoutthewill So your sister put her life on hold to care for your mother and you did basically nothing? Even though your sister lived 20 miles away. Are you suggesting that your sister stopped you from helping so she could get a bigger share of the will?

This can’t be serious surely?

Good grief. You haven't even attempted to drip feed the slightest justification for leaving all the work and worry to your sister. Good for your mum, frankly. I feel sorry for your sister having been through so much and now having to deal with you sticking your hand out.

Edit: sorry didn't mean to quote! Above is to OP.

It's so weird that this isn't a reverse. How can you write that your sister cared for your mum for 17 years, including 24/7 care towards the end and then think you, who didn't see your mum in the last 4 years of her life, are entitled to even a penny.
I think your mum was too kind, it should've all gone to your sister.

So your mum only lived 50 miles away and for that reason you didn't see her for 4 years.
Your sister actually deserves the whole inheritance. She took care of mum, she helped
with shopping, she attended emergencies, she then had mum go live with her.
No breaks. You are a disgrace and a CF.

Everyone would understand not seeing mum for 4 years if you lived in Australia etc.
But 50 miles. I bet you went on holiday further than 50 miles.

As carer for an elderly parent, with a sibling as equally unhelpful and uncaring as you, I would say you reap what you sow. You didn't help or visit. 50 miles is nothing, it's no excuse.

Being carer is effing hard. There is no let-up. You can never stop worrying. You have had none of that.

Think yourself lucky to get anything, if I were your mum I wouldn’t have left you a bean!

Hard to drive 50 miles when you're pissed as a fart by mid afternoon...