AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

Your sister is a saint

I think you were ‘lucky’ to get the 10k, if your sister and her husband hadn’t stepped up in all likelihood your DM would have had to have some sort of care that would have been paid for from her assets sooner.
My Aunt has just passed away, only one child bothered the rest of them just came at the end. Her son that had made sure she was well cared for and always sorted everything out was glad that the proceeds of the house sale and her savings had basically been eaten up by her excellent care at the residential home and there was nothing much left in pot to satisfy the vultures at the end.
Your sister would have had to put her life on hold to a degree to help her parent, yes it was her choice to, as it was your Mums choice to leave the bulk of the estate to your sibling.
No one is owed anything from a death of a loved one, I read your OP as assumed it was a reverse from your sister……

If it's all been done legally then there's nothing you can do. DH mum changed her will and left significant amounts to friends and charities, all done by a solicitor and she was definitely of sound mind. It was a shock because the estate was a lot less than it might have been so friends 'inherited' more as the amounts were specified with DH and his DB splitting the remainder

I agree with this 100%
The physical and mental load and the knock on effect on the rest of the family are immense. You do it out of love and respect for them:
To then have the absent sibling kick off is just insulting. You’re lucky you’ve been given £10k. I’d have left less @Leftoutthewill .
You are grabby and disgusting and should be eternally grateful to your sibling.

WOW. Really thought this was a reverse after the original post, then read the follow on posts and realised it’s genuine…
sorry but your sister essentially got 250k more to do 17 years of caring AND even moving your mum into her house at the end. It would have cost a lot more than that if you had had to hire carers or move your mum into the car home sooner.

also you don’t sound the least bit bothered about your mum, just about the perceived unfairness of the estate split. Very cold and calculative

Not sure if this is a reverse, I’ve skimmed the replies.
The person who couldn’t be arsed to see their mum for 4 years doesn’t deserve a penny.

I don’t think anyone who was expecting £140k can pretend they wouldn’t be upset and disappointed to find they’re getting £10k. I’d be devastated.

it seems a bit of an extreme split - after all its inheritance, generational wealth, not repayment of services- but it was your mums decision and appears legal. Just got to work on getting over it now

You are unhinged. I am so pleased a parent has rewarded the more deserving chid with more

Your mother has left her money to the child who looked after her!
Sounds perfectly fair to me.

You didn't visit your mother for FOUR YEARS and you're moaning about how much money she left you???!!!!

Fifty miles is not that far, I thought you were going to say she or you lived in another country!

It wasn't even just drifting away. You were asked for help and you made a decision not to provide it. This is chickens coming home to roost.

This is one of the maddest posts I've ever seen on here and that's saying something. You live 50 miles away (what, an hour's drive?) and you did absolutely fuck all, and now you're upset you're 'only' getting ten grand? Jesus christ.

Well you reap what you sow.

incidentally no one is entitled to any inheritance, regardless of the share. It is, and should be viewed as a bonus.

Your mum probably felt pretty insulted about the 4 years at the end of her life where you chose not to see her despite only living 50 miles away...

I wouldn't refuse the 10k if I were you, @Leftoutthewill.

When DH died it took about a year to sort out the estate, mainly because of delays caused by Covid - the solicitor advised that the payment for the memorial came out of the estate before the money was disbursed.

I'll never know for certain, but I think that the other beneficiaries must have been checking whether they were entitled to more - they waited an entire month before cashing their cheques. I got a phone call from the bank when one was finally presented and had to confirm that it was genuine.

The next day, I was in hospital under GA. I'd warned the bank that there were two more cheques to cash and that they'd be unable to get hold of me.

A week later, I got an email from my solicitor. The other two beneficiaries had phoned him to say that the cheques had "bounced". I have to admit that that gave me a fright. It turned out that the bank had declined them, fearing that I was being scammed.

I got it sorted out and they got their money.

The following year, I sent off another two cheques on my husband's behalf - one was a wedding present; the other a graduation gift. The former was cashed the day it arrived; the latter was cashed the next day.

The point I'm making OP is that you shouldn't prevaricate - it'll just cost you stress and possibly money.

Also 50 miles is nothing. You sound incredibly selfish.

YABU.

Pity about you! Get over yourself, thank goodness your poor parents had one decent child to help them in their own age.

If your sister hadn't done all that you wouldn't be getting 10k you'd be getting 0 as it would all have gone on care costs. So your sister is in fact getting less than she deserves. Presumably all the caring meant she couldn't be earning as much (if any) money during this time. A care home costs 5k plus per month and then there are costs on top (e.g. my relative in a care home has to pay for chiropody, hair cuts and various other things).

It's up to your Mum how she left her money. Personally, I think you're lucky to be getting 10k.

You are a CF - you didn't bother with her, didn't even visit - you dont even deserve 10k - inheritance is not a right.
I haven't seen my mum in several years and our contact is occasionally texts - i dont expect to be remembered in her will at all.

I don't agree with the generational wealth, but I'll point out as others have done that—had it not been for the OP's sister— there would have been very little left to inherit.

Well i think she absolutely deserves what she got.

This is really interesting. The money was your mum’s. Why do you think she should be giving any of it to you? would you expect her to treat you and your sister the same if she was still alive? Would you give your money to someone you hadn’t seen for years?

Why though? It's an anonymous forum FFS