AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

No you should not receive more of a share.

To be frank it's your parent's money and they have decided that is the split they think is equitable. And tbh if your sister was her carer for 17 years while you popped in from time to time - that likely explains the split.

£10k is not nothing.

I agree, you were only given the 10k to stop you contesting that you got nothing.

I say fair play to your sister in looking after her. I'm glad the money has gone in your sisters pocket and not into the pocket of a care home. Which would have took a significant chunk of your inheritance. Your lucky you got anything at all. If you had bothered to check in for the past four years, or the past 6 months while the probate was going through, this wouldn't have been a shock for you.

OP I suggest you go back, read your post, and then give your head wobble.

You didn't see your mum for FOUR YEARS? When your sister and her husband welcomed her in to LIVE WITH THEM? Inheritance isn't a payment for services rendered but I can completely understand why your mum made this change to her will.

OP, I live 500 miles away from my 83 yo Mum and I still see her 4-6 times a year. 50 miles is no distance at all.

Your sister shouldered all the responsibility and even asked for your help, but you couldn't even give up weekends to help her out.

IMO opinion you deserve FA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should have what your mum wanted you to have.
Some parents might have left you a bigger share, but a hurt parent feeling abandoned may feel that the sibling who did all the work should get the lion's share of her estate.
No point in contesting the will unless you have good reason to suspect foul play by your sister.

She did make her own bed, and you made yours.
She asked you for help and you said no. You didnt even visit in 4 years. What did you expect?

Inheritance is not a reward or a due. There isn't a right share.

It might come as a shock to you, but people don't look after their relative for the inheritance. Like you said "no one made" your sister do it, except love and perhaps a sense of duty.

You show no sign of having ever cared for (as in loved) your mum. You're lucky she left you £10k. Would you give this much money to someone you haven't seen in 4 years who calls you "fucking difficult"?

You only lived 50 miles away and went 4 years without seeing your mum! That's insulting to her,

You are lucky to get a penny.

Don't now lose your relationship with your sister through your jealousy.

Really if your sister hadn't looked after your mum at all, there would have been pretty much no estate as it would have been eaten up with care home fees. You're actually better off than if your sister hadn't provided the care and had just put her in a home all along. Maybe look at it that way?

Can’t believe you said your sister was “showing off” when talking about how much work it was. Rather than an ask for help.

you really couldn’t make any effort to see her for 4 years? Not even a yearly week of respite care for your sister? REALLY.

no one can be this oblivious

Wow. You realise if your sister didnt look after her, neither of you would have fuck all. The cost of care would have swallowed that up. Not to mention your sister and her husband, putting her life on hold for so long. Changing their whole life to take care of her. Missing out on things. Do you really think those holidays they went on, was a holiday for your sister and her husband? They wasn't, they was doing what they thought was right, and so did your Mom when she changed her will.

'She took care of her on her own accord, I didnt make her do it'

You sound like a brat.

Is the Op typing with mittens on?

Um, what now? You have seen your mother once in 4 years because you live 50miles away? Wtf. I live almost 2000miles away from my parents, but see them thrice a year, I go twice for an extended period, and they come over once, normally. And we don't have a particularly lovey-dovey or extremely close relationship either.

Your sister took care of your mother; you didn't. Therefore, the will is perfectly fair.

My dad passed 2 months ago I did everything for him but I still shared every bit of money he put by with my brother and sister I would never have not and me and my sister don't really speak

You don't know how much your sister got. You're basing what you think she's inherited on your estimated worth of her estate. Doesn't mean that's what she got for it. Honestly you're so fucking entitled it's unreal. Do you not understand that if your mum had been put into a care home for the whole of the past 17 years she wouldn't have had anything left to leave you in her will? Her care home fees would have probably eaten up that amount within 3-4 years let alone 17!!! Your sister and her husband gave up a lot to care for your mum whilst you threw a tantrum and basically told them they can do it themselves because you couldn't be bothered. You honestly have a cheek to stick your entitled nose in the air at £10k and call it a pittance- You're lucky you got anything at all

Inheritance brings out the worst in people I’m afraid.

£10k is nothing to be sniffed at, especially as zero effort was made in the last few years of your mum’s life.

No matter your relationship with a parent, it is fucking hard caring for an elderly relative. I have 3 siblings - 2 live round the corner, my sister is 250 miles away and I’m 20 miles away from my frail, 93 year old dad, but we all do our bit. (He is a lovely man; everyone that knows my dad, loves him). Do not underestimate the physical and emotional toll this would have taken on your sister. Frankly, you are reaping more than you’ve sewn.

£10k would be a life changing amount for me, but I’d rather have my dad than his money.

Is this for real?! If it’s not a reverse then you are seriously deluded. Of course your sister should get the lion’s share.

think of it this way, it’s only because your sister did what she did that there is anything left at all. Otherwise all of it would have gone in care fees, and it still wouldn’t have been enough, so maybe that might make you feel better about it?

If this is real, you are incredibly entitled OP. You’ve not made the effort to see you mum in 4 years despite living 50 miles away. In the whole grand scheme of things, this is not far at all. I’m currently looking after my mum and even with carers twice a day, it’s bloody hard. I do everything from sorting out bills, shopping, hairdressers, podiatrists to taking her to Drs and hospital appointments. There’s something every week to worry about. I’m worn out. Your sister must have been a pretty selfless person do all that, and more for 17 years. She deserves her bigger share. You, on the other hand, do not.

Are you actually joking ??? What a piece of work

As have you.
You get out what you put into a relationship. You're not entitled to 50% or anything really from her estate.
Your mother obviously took legal advice on the situation and she has paid you an amount to ensure that you couldn't contest the will and say you were 'forgotten'.
Based on the information you've provided, you didn't see her, spend time with her or help her over the last few years, possibly decades. Your sister has been the one supporting her.
Be grateful she gave you 10k.

It’s tricky with family and money. I totally get your sister playing the martyr card of woe in a me but then not wanting to accept help. Why wasn’t house sold etc when they took her in their house?

your mum has now passed and if you don’t like your sister then just go low contact with her until it’s no contact. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to be friends with them.

I’m estranged from my narcissistic mum, my dad buggered off when I was three and my ex stepdad disowned his two step children and his own daughter my technical half sister. My brother went with his dad when mum and step dad split for good when I was 24.

not close with my siblings at all.

just leave her be. You can’t really change what happened in the will now. Use the money you are getting to do something nice for you. No point in stewing over it and being miserable.

@Welshmonster
I might be mistaken, but I'm under the impression that the sister asked for help, but the OP refused.

You’re not mistaken. It’s clear from the OP’s posts that the sister asked for help and OP refused help.