AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

I have been caring for my mum who has dementia, for the last 8 years. It takes the life out of you.

Your sister deserves the extra money.

If my daughter didn’t bother to visit me in 4 years (especially the last 4 years of my life), she wouldn’t be getting a penny. I’d just be grateful for your 10 grand. It really doesn’t sound like you deserve even that.

What is a reverse??

If you were only 50 miles away why did you not see your mother? You were lucky to receive anything.. contesting a will is hugely expensive and difficult..you have already stated that your DM was of sound mind..no one "deserves" an inheritance!

It’s where you post your dilemma from the other person’s point of view instead of your own. So in this case the OP would actually be the sister who’d done all the caring and got all the money, but pretending to be the sister who’d stayed away for four years and then wondered why she didn’t get half the estate.

You can usually spot them a mile off, as the awful behaviour is described in completely unashamed terms, in a way most people would never talk about themselves.

I'm nc with both my parents, I dislike them both greatly. When they die, I will not attend a funeral and I will not be there when they're ill and old. For this I do 100% expect £0 to be left to me from either of them. Im shocked that you're expecting a penny let alone so much.

That is very kind of you tosay, thank you so much.. 😊

I really don't understand why you feel entitled to anything. Without your sister stepping up, your mum would likely have gone into a situation where she funded her care. And you'd have nothing to see from that either. Live in care costs from £50-85k a year, which your sister provided without any help from you.
Just the 4 years you've not bothered to travel 50 miles to see her would have eradicated your inheritance.
50 miles is nothing, not over 4 years. Its weird that the narrative you've decided to create is that your mum's estate is somehow separate from your relationship with her. She saw the value of your sister's sacrifice, you see it too. You just want more money and are deciding to skew the situation so you can feel wounded.
I think your mum had the read on you and what rankles is you thought you could ignore her needs and still cash in. Good for her and your sister. I doubt she's anywhere near as concerned as you because it sounds like like she's lost a parent she cared for quite selflessly and you have lost a cash cow.
If you took more inheritance, your sister would essentially be paying you for the privilege of her caring for your mum. It's not rational.

My aunties boyfriend had this

He was a lovely bloke and I dont know the backstory with his adult dc but they didnt bother with him

He got out of bed one morning and in the space of ten minutes,he had a heart attack,stroke and some sort of fit

Someone in the flat below heard him and managed to get in before phoning for an ambulance

We where told he had a really low chance of making it and to say our goodbyes

I've never seen anything like it-his adult dc where crawling around,acting like they loved him and making all kinds of phone calls to solicitors and trying to sort out the cheapest funeral you've ever seen

He didnt die but would need full time care for the rest of his life-he was rotting in his bed and will for the rest of his life

I've never seen anyone vanish so fast

Now I dont know the back story to the family being nc,he could have been a real wanker to them but im nc with my own parents due to their actions and when they die,if I get a penny its going to charity-i dont want it,im certainly not hanging around with my hand out

Dps dd-her granny,my darling mil was taken ill,ended up in hospital and ended up having an operation (a big deal when your 78)

As she was recovering,she self funded a place in a care home (which cost thousands of pounds) as she didnt want us to be her carers (we repected her wishes) but she did need some care as she couldn't manage at home while she recovered

As soon as the dd found out what it was going to cost,the first words out of her mouth where 'thats all good for granny but what about MY inheritance?'

She didnt even wait until granny was dead (thankfully she made a full recovery) before the greed poured out

And she didnt even bother to visit,as 'the home smells and I have my own life to lead'

She didnt even send a card or ring to check on mil-she just wailed on and on about her inheritance

Made me so angry-she only bothers with granny when there is something in it for herself

I refuse to believe that this is not a reverse AIBU. In any event, it's crazy how some people feel entitled to an inheritance.

I swear there was an almost identical thread a couple of months ago and the OP was adamant it wasn't a reverse.

Your sister saved you four years of care home fees. Never mind everything before. There would have been nothing left, so any extra she was left she earned.

Sometimes ig is best to quit whilst you are ahead. From what I can see you are ahead in this instance.

Thanks. Yeah that makes sense - if she was the one who’d stayed away for 4 years she wouldn’t just state it as a fact, it’d be “I’ve been so stressed and busy with kids & work, my mum was a narcissist growing up” etc, excuse, excuse

It seems you behaved as if you didn’t give a flying fuck about your mother, and these are the results. Why would you expect any money at all?

even if you had done token visits every month or so it would be crass to think you would get money. It was your mum. What a poor excuse for a daughter you are.

You're only 50 miles away and haven't seen your mum in 4 years, while your sister has done 17 years of caring? You are being unreasonable expecting a penny in the will tbh.

Your sister deserves it. Leave her be.

Inheritance isn’t a right. Let me say that louder for the people at the back “INHERITANCE ISN’T A RIGHT”

Whether this is a reverse or not, however the mother saw fit to leave her estate was her business and hers alone. Hoping my mother has one hell of a SKIing (spending the kids inheritance) trip before she passes and enjoys her money. I want or expect nothing and really don’t get people who think it is their right to inherit.

Wow, you have done nothing for her, had not seen her in 4 years until recently. To be honest, I am suprised she left you anything. You certainly don't deserve it!

My father lived a long haul plane flight away. I still saw him twice a year in his old age.

You did virtually nothing to assist her in the toughest times of her life, let alone to support your sister. I'm amazed you got 10k.

I expect it was a bit of a blow for your mum not to get a visit in 4 years.

Could you not have jumped in early, in January, and invited your mum to come to you for Christmas that year before anything had been confirmed between her and your sister?

Similarly, you could have asked her if she would like to go on a holiday with you instead of (or as well as) going with your sister.

I think you're lucky to get what you have

This is it in a nutshell. That´s why got OP got 10 thousand. My grandmother wanted to disinherit her stepson and leave everything in 3 equal shares to his sister, my mom and my aunt, when she learnt the idiot had literally driven every day past her front door for 18 months and hadn´t bothered with her once. She was talked out of it by her solicitor because stepson could make life difficult for his sister and my gran´s two daughters. So he was left much more than he deserved. And yes, he got legal advice to contest the will and the lawyer told him to forget it.