AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

Your sister deserves every penny of her inheritance; 17 years of care is a lot. She asked for help, which you didn't give; you're lucky your mother left you anything at all.

Why didn't you ask her for Christmas? Or, if that was out of the question, New Year or her birthday?

Where there’s a will there’s a greedy family… no one is entitled to anything.. shoulda got x is just misplaced entitlement.

She did ask for help but I thought she'd made her own bed to be honest

Does it occur to you that your Mum felt you had made your own bed? i.e. that you had multiple chances to help, you chose not to take them, therefore you chose to put yourself in the position where your sister deserved much more from the estate.

Second appeal found in favour of last Will leaving specific gift to daughter. Sons did not win.

You are very lucky to inherit £10k. Sounds like it should have been £10.

Someone I know once said :
Where there's a will, there's a relative.

Are you for real? You didn’t see your mum for 4 years because she lived oh so far away, 50 miles!!!???
my mother lives thousands of miles away from me. I still manage to see her.

if you refused to help your sister to care for your mum it serves you right. The carer should get vast majority, especially in your case where you lived close but just didn’t bother

10K is derisory and rightly so.

No one is entitled to anyone's money when they die, it sounds like your sister did everything for her and if she had of been paid for that time would have been alot of money, sound alike you ignored her mostly, surprised you got 10k tbh

You refused to help because your mother was, in your own words, a 'fucking difficult person to care for' so you declined to help.

This sums up the disparity the amounts you each received from your late mother's estate. You were fortunate to be left anything at all.

Your problem was your sister. She left you out. And then you shut yourself out because, once invited, you refused to be involved.
I totally understand why you're hurt. It seems to have come out of nowhere. But blaming the solicitor and your mum isn't going to get you anywhere. You could have (and should have) been there for her instead of throwing a strop that your sister didn't invite you on holiday. Did you invite them?

And "I lived 50miles away so didn't see her for 4yrs" is a pitiful excuse. My elderly grandmother lived over 200miles from me and my son saw her at least twice in his first year of life.

If you had a good and close relationship then you would have made more effort. If you didn't like her well enough to put the effort in then is it any surprise she felt your sister deserved more?

Your mum obviously noticed the lack of care from you and adjusted her will accordingly. I would do the same. You’re being an idiot if you believe you deserve more than £10,000. You are lucky to get that

She did make her own bed, and you made yours...

Well you obviously view caring for your parents as an unpleasant task that you were unprepared to do out of love for them, or for your sister. You put yourself first. Your sister put your mum first.
If your mum had said “if you don’t help look after me I’m cutting your inheritance” - would you have done more? If so, that just shows you love money more than you love your mum. Something to think about.

Come on. No one can be this obtuse! Sister rang asking for help!

Got to be a weird reverse other your so entitled!

Well she got her reward then. The inheritance

If your sister hadn’t looked after your Mum and eventually taken her into their home I suspect she would have been in care for some time and there probably wouldn’t be any money left to share.

Why should you have any of it??

My sibling is providing care to my elderly father and I accept that he should receive any money after he passes.

My brother has given up so much of his life to provide care to our father. He still works and has a social life - but it has still impacted on his life.

Like you sister, l looked after my parents. Dad was alive when mum had dementia but l saw them both everyday after work. Dad was quite capable but l worried he may become depressed and did what l could while having a full time job and a family of 5...
After my mothers death my dad lead a good life, refurbishing classic cars, and many other things keeping himself busy. One Sunday morning he rang to say he had, had a stroke. My dh and l took him to hospital, things went downhill from there. The stroke left him severely disabled, he wouldn't live with me. I would go every morning at 4.30am, sort him out with breakfast and assist in washing dressing etc, his neighbours and friends were brilliant, they would be in and out all day long , and l would give him dinner and put him to bed at night.After 2 yrs l was completely knackered , l found it very hard to work full time, carrying on with family stuff and being a carer. I left my job and cared for him for another 4 yrs . I look back and feel happy that he died at home and not in a residential or nursing home which l knew he would of hated. I have one do who lives in the USA. He visited about 10 times over the 6 years and would stay a month at a time which was great for me. The will said everything was to be split in half, l was the executor and that's what l did. My brother insisted l had it all, saying l did the most and refused to take a penny. He has two daughters so l set up a trust fund for them. There was a huge amount of money, plus the sale of all his classic cars, l just felt my brother did what he was able to, we are very close and to this day still have his half in a separate bank account, l don't know why, just makes me feel better....

Maybe your sister should write an "invoice" for all the time and money she spent caring for your mother and submit it for you to pay. I will guarantee that it is far in excess of £135k you feel entitled to. You could always take out an extra mortgage to reimburse her. YABVU and are very much a CF.

17 years is an incredible burden to shoulder on your own and if your sister was calling and moaning about it why didn’t you take the hint and go and help every so often. Also a few months in care will have taken some money from the estate and funeral costs. My dad in care with means tested was about 5-6k for 5-6 months and that would have been more if my mum was surviving therefore they didn’t touch the house. Your sister also housed and fed her and that would have added to the bills. Not to mention the impact it would have had on her relationship with husband and friends.
Yes it will feel a slap in the face, and I do understand why you’d feel disappointed to get such a small amount vs your sister, but if you had been absent from your mums life for 4 years before her death and didn’t help her I can see why she chose to change her will and give the largest proportion to the daughter that was there for her always. Sadly that’s down to the choices you made when you decided to leave it all to your sister.

I bet it has been a blow, must be awful to watch your sister to do all the work caring for your Mum, not seeing your Mum for four years and not getting what you think is your well deserved share.

I think you should refuse to accept the 10K and stamp your feet🙄

Sounds like you’re a lovely person as is your brother to do what he could despite living in another country and if he wants you to take it, you should. Or the other thing you could do, if possible, use some of the money to take a trip to the states (or somewhere else) and have a big long holiday with him with some of the money to celebrate your parents and your lovely relationship with your brother.