AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

OP Do you have children?, If so I hope they look after their mum in her old age as well as you looked after yours. Karma is a wonderful thing!

50 miles and not seeing her for 4 years? It isn’t even that far away!

Lucky you got 10k I think. Genuinely - why do you feel entitled to more?

I imagine her home care costs ate into a good chunk of the estate value also so your sister probably didn’t get as much as you are imagining perhaps.

This sounds like an excuse, it doesn’t really sound like you made the effort or really wanted to and now your wishing you had due to the will. Why shouldn’t she have changed her will if your attitude is the way it was towards her.

I live over a thousand miles away from my mum and still manage to see her more than once every four years! If my siblings end up doing more practical care for her in later years (likely, given the distance) of course I’d expect that they receive more.

Look at it another way: if your sister hadn’t been there to do so much it’s likely that your mum would have needed to go into a care home much earlier, probably your dad would have had higher care costs too, so a lot of the inheritance would have been used up that way.

I’m sorry you felt pushed out but it really doesn’t sound like you were sensitive to the situation.

Has to be a reverse no one is this deluded surely !!! She has cared for your parents for 17 years and you didn't even see your mother for 4 years and you can't see why she gets the lions share and you get a token amount ? Unbelievable.

You are completely deluded.

I actually can’t believe that this isn’t a reverse.

if 10k is an insult then give it to your sister, as she deserves every penny.

This can’t be real, surely? Are you on the wind-up or just a bit thick?

Wow.

Massively entitled @Leftoutthewill

Youtlet your sister to do it all and didn't bother to see your mum in 4 years despite living only 50 miles away...sorry but I dont think you deserve to 10k so maybe thank your lucky stars

Just like you made your own bed.

50 miles away is hardly the end of the earth. I live 400 miles away from my parents and saw them every 6-8 weeks. I worked and had two small children. You make time for people if you want to, you didn't and now you're realising that you reap what you sow ...

Obviously a reverse.

Whole thing depends on whether that was truly the mums wishes. If she'd be led a certain way then yes it's unfair. Doesn't really matter who did what, all that matters is what the parent truly wanted.

Reverse. The only reason there is that much to inherit is because your sister cared for your mum at home. You haven’t even seen her in 4 years, why would you inherit anything?

Is this definitely 2 sisters? I don't want to suggest a brother wouldn't help, as I know lots who were great. Often they might help their parents alongside their wife, particularly if their mum only wants women involved in caring. But there are also single men who step up well. Sadly there are still some men who seem to think that if they have a sister, she should do all the caring.

Oh boo hoo

You sound horrible, you’re lucky to have got 10k!

I'm about 60 miles away from my Aunt, who has learning disabilities. She has lived alone since the death of my Grandad (her Dad), 12 years ago. I have PoA for her, as do my siblings. We ALL visit her at least once a month. I'm usually there twice in a month, as I work more flexibly than my brother and sister. It's just over an hour away. I just don't understand how you can't visit in FOUR YEARS!! (Unless there's a massive back story you're refusing to tell us.)

You know my advice? Just take the £10k and move on. You can never pay back your sister for the years of taking care of your mother. In fact, there would be no money at all if you'd had to pay for care all those years.

Having also dealt with being Executor of a contested will, it's awful. Any difference in money will soon be sucked up by the legal costs.
Just take the money, and be grateful. Your Mum didn't have to leave you anything at all.

If you are honest with yourself, she actually deserves everything and more given everything you have detailed. She not only cared for your dad in his final days but also for your mum for over a decade all while living 20miles away.

"Made her own bed" by looking after her mum?

Sounds like she had no option, especially if, when she asked you for help, you refused.

This sounds like fiction because surely no one could be this obtuse. If it's not, imagine working full time, sometimes 24 hours a day, looking after someone. Then ask yourself what a fair salary would be. Way more than what your sister got.

It's people like you that turn my stomach. I work with the elderly, and many people will go literally years without a single visitor. No phonecalls. Not even a card on special occasions, never mind gifts. But as soon as they pass all of these family members and "friends" come crawling out of the woodwork. Suddenly have time to make phonecalls and visits because they need to ask about the will. Almost all of them expect an inheritance, and - very sadly - a large portion of them do get just what they care about - money.
You'd honestly be gobsmacked at just how regular an occurrence this is!
4 years of no visits, no support for you mother or your poor sister. Your mother may have been an awful person, in which case I would understand why you went no contact. But you don't then get to benefit financially. I am estranged from a parent and the day they die I wouldn't even want an inheritance, nevermind expect one. I couldn't take money off such an awful, abusive person.
I'm genuinely dumbfounded that you feel entitled to anything.

Given your updates, I am surprised your mother left you more than 10p

So your sister spent the last 17 years asking for a little help and you refused. Did you not have a very good relationship with your mum did she treat you awfully in childhood? Is there a backstory of why you didn't want to help? I mean I get it if you hated your mother why you didn't bother to help with her care but you can't then expect a handout now that she's passed away. I haven't seen my mother in years and don't expect anything when she passes, I want nothing from her

If you divide her share by the last 17 years I’d say she isn’t getting enough.

All I’m reading is me me me. So you refused to help, expected to be invited to things but done absolutely nothing in return whatsoever and haven’t visited for 4+ years, you shouldn’t have got a cent.
Now in saying all that, I agree with so many others on here and believe you’re the sibling or family/friend of the carer sister. Your denial isn’t even convincing in the slightest, made yourself look more obvious. Anyway hope the sister enjoys her £260k

If you've not seen her in 4 years you can get to fuck.

Agree with this.

Imagine thinking 50 miles is a long way. I work 62 miles away and it's barely 90 minutes.

Honestly imagine thinking you deserve more inheritance when you don't even have enough about you to go on a little drive

Wow! And now you think you should get ANY of your mothers money? CF at its finest!