AIBU to feel insulted.

[Leftoutthewill]

Mum died April 25, previous will stated that any estate was to be split between me and my sister. We should have been in line for a share of a 285,00.00 estate. My sister and her husband have taken responsibility for everything for my mum for the last 17 years, shopping, appointments caring for dad as he was dying, taking her on holiday, having her at Christmas, sitting with her at hospital for emergencies, helping her sort out bills, things going wrong with the house responding to her care alarm all thr while living 20 miles away. In the end she kept falling they took her to live with them and cared for her 24hours a day, eventually this became too much and she spent the last couple of months in a care home.
We just went every now and then and until recently we'd not seen her in four years.
My sister is executor of the will and chose to go through a solicitor. It turns out the six month probate finished on 12th February and I've recently had a letter to say that I'm due to receive some money but not detailing how much. I never received a copy of the will so have contacted the solicitor and have discovered that my sister has been left the majority of the estate and I'm left wih £10,000. She gets around £260,000
Apparently she changed her will about 12 months before she died, she has capacity according to a capacity assessment and its all legal and above board. Apparently there is very little I can do.
I feel like the solicitor should have written to me to explain about the 6 months probate but apparently the will was public information and was downloadable months ago. Apparently he onus is on me to find will and pay to download it then take action. I should surely receive more of a share?

All the time and money your sister and her husband spent on YOUR mother and youre complaining that you didnt get more than £10k when she died. Did you pay for the care home? Why do you think you deserve anything at all when you did nothing to help?

I’d say your mother and sister matched your energy and you received an inheritance of karma.

What did you do to deserve more??

You are totally deluded. Your sister deserves everything, I think you’re lucky to even get 10K if I’m honest. Also, why on earth do you think it’s the solicitor’s responsibility to keep you informed of anything like probate or changes to the will? If your sister was the person dealing with it all then naturally the solicitor would have communicated with her not you!

You’re lucky you got that IMO.

50 miles isn’t that far. 4 years is soooo long. You haven’t helped at all. I’m not sure why you’d expect more tbh.

did you send gifts? Birthday? Christmas? Mother’s Day etc. Did you offer to take them for lunch? Call her at the weekend? These are fairly basic for someone who had a good relationship.

im with others and think this is either a reverse or someone bored.

I've been the care giver as a grandaughter. My grandmother had 6 children of her own, 2 of them turned up and actually did something of any use. 1 is disabled. The other 3 all turned up with their guilt and moping after the event. All 6 got an equal share of the estate. Having been on that side of things, you are being totally unreasonable.

By leaving you £10000 in her will, your mother was ensuring that you couldn't contest it on the basis of being unfairly left out of it.

Surely if you are insulted then you don’t accept the £10,000.00? Disclaim the inheritance and do everyone else a favour as its more insulting to your sister that her and her husband did not get everything.

It sounds like both your parents would have needed a lot more paid care if your sister had not stepped up. In which case, they would have paid for it out of their own money and the estate could have been a fraction of the size in the end anyway. YABU.

I think you perhaps misunderstand the role of the solicitor. The solicitor will help the executor/s (presumably your sister) to get the will executed and then distribute it to the beneficiaries as per the will.

There is no letter of explanation to you in that process.

There feels something missing here. Why did you see your mum so infrequently? Perhaps that explains the unequal sharing?

I don't understand this. My mum also died in April. I live 100 miles away. From Feb last year I drove up there every Saturday and back every Tuesday (lucky to have a very supportive boss) to spend time with her and help my dad look after her. I had been NC with my sister for 11 years but we put that behind us and we mucked in together to support mum. I have 2 kids still at home who were with my husband, who was looking after his dad, who sadly also died in April. It was a f*cking nightmare, emotionally and physically draining. I haven't slept through the night since Jan '25. I woke up from a hideous nightmare about mum just last night. But I still did it because she was my mum and if I hadn't been there when she needed me I would have never forgiven myself. I miss her so much. You appear to just be upset about the money.

This has to be a wind up! LOL

tbf it sounds like you are receiving more than you should given your behaviour, i doubt your sister did it for the money perhaps oddly she loved your mother and enjoyed their company

Money the root of all evil…… and this is the evil showing itself! Shame on you for not looking after your mother in the last years of her life when she need it!!!!

Im 38 a planning on having my parents live next to me in an annex so I can care for her when she gets older…. Not for money but for love!

No offence but good for your sister. Because when DP father died he still had to split it with his 2 brothers despite neither of them giving a shit. One lived an hour away and only visited when he needed money. The other one lived abroad and came to uk several times in the last 5 years and didn’t visit him once. FIL was a decent bloke aswell, obviously everyone has their flaws but I knew him better than his 2 sons, having been in the family 21 years. DP did all the care, changed his job so he could work from home and care for him. For a massive chunk of 2024 me and dc barely saw DP as he was 120 miles away for most of it. FIL wanted to change the will. But his house was in trust and would have cost a chunk to change it. Guess what DP hasn’t heard from one brother since we saw them last August and the other since September. Despite both of them saying they’ll keep in touch. Yes DP has tried.

Sounds like a complicated relationship between the 3 of you.
Whilst you may have to accept the decision and move on, the fact you didn't see the will until much later on seems odd. Unless you have dealt with wills and probate etc, you don't necessarily know what to expect!
It maybe that you got 'what you deserved' but I would also be concerned that with the change in will quite late in the day, there may have been cohersion by your sister for your mum to change her will in your sister's favour. Whilst your mum was apparently of sound mind, doesn't mean she couldn't have been guilted by your sister into leaving her more......

Is this a joke? Are you actually being serious? You simply cannot be this ignorant! What are you owed ANY money for? Being genetically related to someone does not make you family. Family care for one another through thick and thin, you couldn’t be bothered. Do you even miss your Mother?

Whilst your mum was apparently of sound mind, doesn't mean she couldn't have been guilted by your sister into leaving her more......

It doesn't matter if the mother was "guilted". If she was of sound mind, making a decision out of guilt is still a valid decision. She may have felt guilty that one of her daughters put her life on hold for 17 years on her behalf. That's an absolutely valid reason to favour that daughter in her will.

You didn't see your Mum for the last 4 years of her life....be grateful for the 10k!

Op you didn’t see your own mother for 4 years yet you expected her money. Maybe your mother thought you didn’t care too much for her so she thought fuck it my other dd shall have my money and I will give my other daughter a token because she felt she had to. Op just because you live further away surely you could have made the effort to visit her unless you had a shit relationship but your too late now you made your bed didn’t you.

Op do you realise your sister gave your mum 17 years of care then took in her home I’m sure she would not have taken any money off her in this time and your sister will be feeling the loss so much more than you. You made the trip for the funeral but not when she was alive that is awful no wonder she gave your sister more you were a really bad daughter tbh. No one will offer sympathy to a selfish woman.

Me, me, me. Poor me! Tired of lazy, entitled siblings who think they are owed equal shares when another picks up the slack and does all or the lion’s share of caring. It’s not easy taking on the responsibility of elderly parents - stressful, tiring and time-consuming.

YABU. Your Mum recognised and rewarded who was there when she needed them. Caring is hard work but good on your sister for not walking away. Inheritance is not a right.

Read the same recent ongoing case of RITA REA in the high court. Exactly this. Bt brothers who did nothing kept taking it to court to challenge, and eventually won!

Why didn’t you see your mum for 4 years?!