Page 5 | What to do

saminamama · 2026-02-21T09:06:13+00:00

At home with poorly EBF 6 month old (cough and cold) and full on 3 year old, DH went on a boys night out with 4 other dads last night 2 were driving and the other 2 back in at a decent time went onto find my iPhone when the baby woke me up at 2:30am to feed; and my husband who was meant to be staying at his sisters the next town along was at a random house! I rang him and it was a friend of a friends house (all men, DH is straight). He was clearly sounding drunk and refused to see what the issue was so and so invited them back for a g and t, none of the original group of dads he went out with were still out just him. He then got a taxi back and went back to his sisters (truth as could see on the find me app that we have) baby feeding and coughing lots and then toddler up since half 6 and wouldn’t go and watch something on her own while I got some extra sleep (iPad with locked screen so only able to watch what’s on there, with some milk and cereal for a snack, in the next room and able to wake me, quite an independent but full on little lady) anyway it’s now 9am he’s still asleep at his sisters Tonight we are going to a gig locally and his sister is due to babysit (prearranged). im gunna have to cancel im just too exhausted how do i go about this to not upset him and his sister i feel like im gonna be seen to be punishing him for a night out but actually im miffed he took it too far and im on my own with 2 of them one being poorly one being a toddler who won’t sit still for 5 minutes also can I trust where he was? don’t really know what I’m asking here just feeling tired grumpy touched out and let down

Itsanewyear26 · 21/02/2026 20:40

Am I the only one reading between the lines that OP was expecting DH home earlier because he’s useless on a hangover? Perhaps OP thought he was going back to his sister’s by 11pm, having had a few drinks, and be home the next morning by 10am, in fit shape to parent? And the fact that he’s still asleep at 9am means this is going to be pushed back to what, 12pm, 1pm? And maybe she had hoped he’d cancel the night out when the baby was poorly, but he didn’t?

Moonnstarz · 21/02/2026 20:41

MyMiniMetro · 21/02/2026 20:13

Came to see how many pick-me girls we have here…. seems to be a lot.

It’s inconsiderate of him to go out and leave you with 2 kids when one of them is sick. It’s an absolute piss take for him to turn it into an all-nighter. Don’t let the pick-me girls make you doubt yourself. You and your partner are in this together. When you’re a parent nobody is ‘entitled’ to a night-off. It’s a ‘nice to be able to do’ treat. If a child is sick you are meant help each other and support each other, not disappear for the night.

How poorly was the baby though considering she is happy to leave them with a relative tonight so they can both go out? If they baby was that sick then tonight would have been cancelled, she could have put OH on night duty and got a good sleep which she says she didn't get the night before.
Is it fair to leave the children with the sister if they were so poorly only the night before?

BudgetBuster · 21/02/2026 21:20

MyMiniMetro · 21/02/2026 20:35

What on earth are you on about? Did you read the OP’s post? He went out and stayed out when he didn’t have to. They had plans for the following night but he’s too hungover and she’s too exhausted. I’m very much on OP’s side.

Have you bothered to read any of the thread?
The OPs partner went out.... preplanned night out... he didn't stay out longer, he was never supposed to come home. She just decided to start tracking him and hounding him in the middle.of the night.

He evidently came home and was capable of looking after the kids because she did in fact go get some sleep and the 2 of them did go out!

Kalanthe · 22/02/2026 09:38

I think the problem here is not that he stayed at someone’s house for G&Ts since, as others have pointed out, he was going to stay at his sister’s anyway, not come home.

The problem is that he decided to have a full night out and come back the next day, while you were home alone with two babies. These are your kids just as they are his. You are in the trenches together. He should never leave you alone to get hammered with his mates until the morning hours. Go out for a few hours in the evening and come back by 11pm so that your partner doesn’t sleep 4 hours in 5 blocks. Why would you suffer so he can party like a student? You can go and get hammered when your kids sleep through the night. My husband would never do anything like this and I never even had to tell him it would be inappropriate, every grown man should know this

BudgetBuster · 22/02/2026 10:19

Kalanthe · 22/02/2026 09:38

I think the problem here is not that he stayed at someone’s house for G&Ts since, as others have pointed out, he was going to stay at his sister’s anyway, not come home.

The problem is that he decided to have a full night out and come back the next day, while you were home alone with two babies. These are your kids just as they are his. You are in the trenches together. He should never leave you alone to get hammered with his mates until the morning hours. Go out for a few hours in the evening and come back by 11pm so that your partner doesn’t sleep 4 hours in 5 blocks. Why would you suffer so he can party like a student? You can go and get hammered when your kids sleep through the night. My husband would never do anything like this and I never even had to tell him it would be inappropriate, every grown man should know this

But it was obviously pre-agreed?
She needs to communicate in advance that she wasn't happy or comfortable with the arrangement? She can't go getting arsey AFTER the fact.

Also.. still no excuse for the middle of the night tracking.

Tacohill · 22/02/2026 11:27

I’m going out of the weekend. I can’t wait.
But there’s no way I’m planning on going home before midnight or being up before 9am.

I don’t understand what you mean by took it too far - did you expect him to be asleep by a certain time?

Obviously he has a 6 month old baby and so staying up all night and sleeping in regularly isn’t possible but I’d say once a month is fine.
I wouldn’t expect him to be up early the next day.
Surely you’d want a lie in too?

I think the issue here is not him going out or staying up late/having a lie in - it’s how often he’s doing it.
If it’s a regular thing then it’s completely unacceptable but if it’s not very often then it’s fine and you too should be going out with your mates and letting lose and having a lie in.

Tacohill · 22/02/2026 11:28

I agree with PPs about the tracking - that’s fucked up.

If I found out my DP was tracking me on a night out then I would end my relationship without a second thought.

Navyontop · 22/02/2026 12:41

I’m not sure what you’re asking tbh, perhaps because you’re so tired?
if you don’t feel up to going tonight just tell him that. Simple. Done.
Then either he or his sister babysits whilst you get some rest.
boom, sorted.

MrsPinkSky · 22/02/2026 13:02

Navyontop · 22/02/2026 12:41

I’m not sure what you’re asking tbh, perhaps because you’re so tired?
if you don’t feel up to going tonight just tell him that. Simple. Done.
Then either he or his sister babysits whilst you get some rest.
boom, sorted.

The night out was last night.

BudgetBuster · 22/02/2026 15:07

MrsPinkSky · 22/02/2026 13:02

The night out was last night.

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And she went 😂

MyMiniMetro · 23/02/2026 00:00

BudgetBuster · 21/02/2026 21:20

Have you bothered to read any of the thread?
The OPs partner went out.... preplanned night out... he didn't stay out longer, he was never supposed to come home. She just decided to start tracking him and hounding him in the middle.of the night.

He evidently came home and was capable of looking after the kids because she did in fact go get some sleep and the 2 of them did go out!

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Yes I read it all. Pre-planned things can be cancelled you know? It wasn’t a particularly special night out for him from the sounds of it, just another all-nighter.

But seriously, if my partner was ringing me on a night out I’d take the hint that something wasn’t right and come home. Wouldn’t you? If the person you loved sounded like they were struggling wouldn’t you go home to help rather than leave them to struggle so you could carry on drinking all night??

BudgetBuster · 23/02/2026 02:14

MyMiniMetro · 23/02/2026 00:00

Yes I read it all. Pre-planned things can be cancelled you know? It wasn’t a particularly special night out for him from the sounds of it, just another all-nighter.

But seriously, if my partner was ringing me on a night out I’d take the hint that something wasn’t right and come home. Wouldn’t you? If the person you loved sounded like they were struggling wouldn’t you go home to help rather than leave them to struggle so you could carry on drinking all night??

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Of course he didn't have to go out... but she could have asked him to stay home if she wanted? The baby couldn't have been that sick as she left her with aunt the following night.

If my partner rang me in the middle of a preplanned night out I'd of course be worried. But if he then started complaining that I was enjoying myself and told me he was sat at home stalking my every move... I'd pack my bags.

Pippa12 · 23/02/2026 10:41

MyMiniMetro · 23/02/2026 00:00

Yes I read it all. Pre-planned things can be cancelled you know? It wasn’t a particularly special night out for him from the sounds of it, just another all-nighter.

But seriously, if my partner was ringing me on a night out I’d take the hint that something wasn’t right and come home. Wouldn’t you? If the person you loved sounded like they were struggling wouldn’t you go home to help rather than leave them to struggle so you could carry on drinking all night??

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Rang me in the middle of the night because they or the kids were unexpectedly ill and needed attention or something had happened- yes straight home. Stalked my whereabouts and wasn’t happy at my location or the time I’d stayed out on said pre planned night out- I’d tell the to get stuffed!

Banannanana · 23/02/2026 18:02

He wasn’t due to come home anyway though right? So wouldn’t you be the same level of exhausted? So why does this mean you can’t go to the gig just because he went somewhere else too?

Also, this sounds extremely controlling and sounds like you’re using this “exhaustion” to get back at him for going out. If I was him I’d go to the gig anyway alone or take a friend if you cancel last minute.

I doubt you’ll find a parent who hasn’t gone to a night out exhausted, that’s just having young kids.

Floundering66 · 24/02/2026 18:35

I have no idea what the issue was if he was staying at his sisters anyway.
You probably woke yourself up more by looking at your phone and calling him.
If you don’t trust him then that’s another issue .