What to do

[saminamama]

At home with poorly EBF 6 month old (cough and cold) and full on 3 year old,
DH went on a boys night out with 4 other dads last night 2 were driving and the other 2 back in at a decent time
went onto find my iPhone when the baby woke me up at 2:30am to feed; and my husband who was meant to be staying at his sisters the next town along was at a random house!
I rang him and it was a friend of a friends house (all men, DH is straight). He was clearly sounding drunk and refused to see what the issue was so and so invited them back for a g and t, none of the original group of dads he went out with were still out just him. He then got a taxi back and went back to his sisters (truth as could see on the find me app that we have)
baby feeding and coughing lots and then toddler up since half 6 and wouldn’t go and watch something on her own while I got some extra sleep (iPad with locked screen so only able to watch what’s on there, with some milk and cereal for a snack, in the next room and able to wake me, quite an independent but full on little lady)
anyway
it’s now 9am he’s still asleep at his sisters
Tonight we are going to a gig locally and his sister is due to babysit (prearranged).
im gunna have to cancel im just too exhausted
how do i go about this to not upset him and his sister
i feel like im gonna be seen to be punishing him for a night out but actually im miffed he took it too far and im on my own with 2 of them one being poorly one being a toddler who won’t sit still for 5 minutes

also can I trust where he was?

don’t really know what I’m asking here just feeling tired grumpy touched out and let down

Then they are both selfish as they fully planned to go out tonight snd the op is onky thinking of cancelling as she’s knackered, nothing about the baby.

In all honesty, I think going to the gig and continuing with the babysitting plan would be more restful - you'd get a full night's sleep and a lie in.

In terms of your DH plans, it sounds like the only change was he was somewhere random at 2am, so whether you trust him or not is down to you and him and past behaviours.

Only you know if you can trust where he was or not. Has he given you reason to distrust him?

To be honest he is a adult, you knew he was going out and staying out overnight, so does it really matter what time he actually got in and where he went (that only applies if you trust him completely though). As long as he doesn’t do it every weekend then I wouldn’t have an issue.

That being said I would have an issue him going out whilst our baby was poorly. If it were my DH he would have cancelled to stay home and support me with the kids. Just a bit of common decency really.

equally I also wouldn’t expect my sister or anyone to babysit my kids when they were poorly, so yeah I would be cancelling if it were me, but that would be the only reason to cancel.

I appreciate that you're cross that he wasn't where he said he would be but it sounds as though the plan was that he'd stay out overnight anyway.
The fact that he was still at his sister's at 9am - was he supposed to be home by then?
Why can't you just have a sleep when he gets home, let him deal with the children, and then both go out later?

That was my exact thoughts. If baby is poorly and you’re angry with your DH for leaving you to deal with it alone, then why are you going out the next evening anyway and not cancelling because your baby is sick 🤷‍♀️

You aren't being unreasonable at all. I’d be beyond annoyed if I was left alone with two kids, especially a sick one, while he stayed out drinking at a random house. Just cancel the gig and get the sleep you actually need.

What the hell is all this checking about? Either he is out or at home. If your partner is out you trust them. If you don't then separate. Rarely does anyone go missing, publicity feeds insecurity, that is the nature of it.

If you really want to go out tonight go to bed for a while to sleep when he gets in. You will regret not going out in future, but if it's not possible for you to go say so when you get up.

Do not argue or guilt trip your relationship, it is more important than that.

But she knew he was going out, and not coming home until the next day. It was pre-planned.

Surely they time to get annoyed is before he leaves if it was annoyance at being left alone with the kids?

Going out later, had a nap
thanks for all comments
more a concern about why my husband has to continue to take things too far on nights out he can never be done at midnight,,, the very late nights effect the following day more than a usual hangover

But why are you tracking him?

So in your opinion , op is also selfish as she is leaving lo with their aunt so she and partner can go out tonight?

I think looking up where he is then phoning him and asking him is a bit controlling sorry. I’d be freaked out if my partner did that to me. Nights out don’t often go exactly as planned , often people go back to different houses for drinks . Do you have to know where he is all the time ?

How often does he do this? Is this the only reason you are tracking him to check what time he got in?

No. I’ll reply to nasty comments how I ‘see fit’. Thanks. You don’t it, take your own advice and scroll on.

I don’t really care what you think, I’m going to say what I want to say and that’s it. Don’t engage it the ‘pointless exercise’ of telling me otherwise.

Does he do this very often, OP? How does it impact week to week?

Sorry you’ve received some really nasty comments on here. Focus on the better ones.

Unless i have read this wrong but he was always staying elsewhere for the night so you were always going to have the two children with or without the cold. Why would you be tracking another adult at 2.30am. If a man was doing this to a woman people would be up in arms claiming control and abuse.

You got your nap and are going out this evening so he can't have been that bad!?

Do people really send 3 year olds to a different room with their breakfast?

You’re tired, it’s overwhelming, they always take it too far, but firstly go have a night out. You’ll muster up the energy somehow.

You don't trust where he is because you have a tracking app 🤷‍♀️ why have children with someome you dont trust....

Let alone someone whose priorities are not to care for their poorly family

I am equally appalled. And the iPad.
And yes before anyone asks, I have 2 children and have "been there" as a single parent too. Never have i ever left a toddler alone with breakfast and an iPad. My eldest started getting her own breakfast at 7 and popping the tv on at weekends but I was also up sorting my then 2 year old.

Came to see how many pick-me girls we have here…. seems to be a lot.

It’s inconsiderate of him to go out and leave you with 2 kids when one of them is sick. It’s an absolute piss take for him to turn it into an all-nighter. Don’t let the pick-me girls make you doubt yourself. You and your partner are in this together. When you’re a parent nobody is ‘entitled’ to a night-off. It’s a ‘nice to be able to do’ treat. If a child is sick you are meant help each other and support each other, not disappear for the night.

What even is a "pick me" girl? I see this a lot on these kind of thread's and guess its an attempted insult at people who don't agree with the ops point of view?

His night out was already an all-nighter...he was never coming home. That was already known by op.

Op and her partner are going out tonight and leaving their "sick kid" with the kids aunty.
Why is that not inconsiderate for them both to "disappear" tonight? Or is it only dad's who can be in the wrong in your opinion?

What on earth are you on about? Did you read the OP’s post? He went out and stayed out when he didn’t have to. They had plans for the following night but he’s too hungover and she’s too exhausted. I’m very much on OP’s side.