First Mothers day NC with MIL

[Coldfebdays]

Just some advice from those in a similar situation because im feeling really sad about it all.

last summer MIL went NC with us thanks to the wonderful lies my SIL’s had been soinning about myself and my DH for years, she rang me after a particular lie her wonderful daughters had said and screamed, swore, ripped me to shreds and slammed the phone down, she blocked me in her temper on all SC and quite frankly I made the descision there and then that I would never again be soft enough to expose myself to their lies and abuse (a complete people pleaser) she has made no attempt to reach out to myself or her grandchildren (she is their only living grandmother) despite me spelling out the truth with proof to boot.

anyhow life has been blissfull other than having to deal with DC’s emotions and questions about why we font see her anymore. But with mothersday coming up im finding myself asking should i post a card? I used to every year with MUM on despite my own mother passing away 12 years ago, along with lovely gifts. Shes not my mother, shes been a terrible example of what a good grandmother should be, but do i still send one from the children? I know the answer deep down… im just feeling so sad about it all, should i take the lead in being the better person?

Thats not the lie , thats what happened during the accusatory phone call when i had enough of the years and years of false accusations and passive aggressive comments and finally found my backbone to stand up for myself instead of just accepting their lies.

This woman sounds completely deranged.
Why are you even contemplating getting involved with her insanity again?
She wanted no contact. Let her have it. You're much better off.

Thank you,

Your right, i was just having a day of second guessing myself.

Reasons for you not to get involved in mother's day:

1. She's not your mum
2. You don't like her
3. It's your DH's problem, not yours
4. It's not grandparents' day

Reasons for you to get involved with mother's day

1. You are a masochist
2. You have no self-respect
3. You are your DH's personal secretary
4. You're keen to set a weird example to your DC

Grandparents day is in Oct I believe, if you really wanted to do something from the kids. No need on Mother’s Day.

I dont enjoy drama, i hate conflict, i love emotionally mature people who can participate in conflict resolution and growth. I think a part of me also knows that not giving a card will lead to extreme drama in their house, tantrums from her, tears and giving FIL a further tough time

Thats ok, have never participated in grandparents day, have always given to grandma on mothers day and grandfather on fathers day as many do in our area

She doesn’t believe the lies she just pretends to so she can cause shit with you. Or shit in general.
If you don’t want to be a people pleaser then stop , learn to please yourself.

There is plenty online about people pleasing and boundaries that are worth looking at. My MIL lost her shit when I finally stood up to her which made me realise how much everyone pussyfooted around her and that I needed to put a boundary in place. The peace I have now is wonderful.

Grow up and don't be so entwined with someone else's life. You're only family through marriage; you have absolutely no obligation towards her. They are your DH's parents, not yours!

Why do some women involve themselves so much with other people's lives? Men don't feel obliged to do that. It's that bloody wife-work nonsense.

If the DC want to see her, DH can explain what's what.

Thats your opinion and thats fine , i gave to my mil because i actually wanted to for years, she did help with the grandchildren once upon a time and it was my way of telling her I was greatful, its not wife work nonsense. Telling someone to grow up whilst trying to navigate a difficult family situation and do whats best s really rude.

Tell FIL and DH that DH is dealing with any Mothering Sunday cards and gifts from now on. From DH and from the children

Stop being a people pleaser or at least pretend that you're not a people pleaser

You must be enjoying it, otherwise you would have just told DH to crack on and stepped away.

As many, many posters have pointed out - it's not your problem. Butt out and let him deal with his own parents.

God no dont do it!!! Looks to me you want a nice female relative to be close to, but, these people are not it!!! How dare MIL scream and shout at u OP, you don’t deserve that! You had been too nice, and they’ve walked all
over you, horrible! Have you a sister or cousin on your family side that you can spend time with? Please do not send this woman a card

Absolutely not.
If your husband wants to, that's up to him but you've had to explain to your children that they don't see her anymore, how confusing if you then ask them to send a card!

No don’t do it! We are also NC with MIL. First round of occasions Mother’s Day, birthday, Christmas etc it’s tricky to stick to your guns. It gets easier. We are now 4 years NC and life without the pressure and anxiety of being around MIL is so much better. Push through, you can do it!

Thank you, this what i needed to hear, it gets easier :)

It absolutely does get better - my MIL doesn’t even cross my mind anymore.
Stay strong!

Oh Damn, that'll teach me not to read the full thread!
Poor FiL as well as your poor husband, you and your children.