First Mothers day NC with MIL

[Coldfebdays]

Just some advice from those in a similar situation because im feeling really sad about it all.

last summer MIL went NC with us thanks to the wonderful lies my SIL’s had been soinning about myself and my DH for years, she rang me after a particular lie her wonderful daughters had said and screamed, swore, ripped me to shreds and slammed the phone down, she blocked me in her temper on all SC and quite frankly I made the descision there and then that I would never again be soft enough to expose myself to their lies and abuse (a complete people pleaser) she has made no attempt to reach out to myself or her grandchildren (she is their only living grandmother) despite me spelling out the truth with proof to boot.

anyhow life has been blissfull other than having to deal with DC’s emotions and questions about why we font see her anymore. But with mothersday coming up im finding myself asking should i post a card? I used to every year with MUM on despite my own mother passing away 12 years ago, along with lovely gifts. Shes not my mother, shes been a terrible example of what a good grandmother should be, but do i still send one from the children? I know the answer deep down… im just feeling so sad about it all, should i take the lead in being the better person?

merci 😂 having read through the posts… why on earth would i want my children to give a card to the woman who has turned her back on them because she rather believe lies than face the truth?

She believes the lies because she doesn’t see you as family.

NC means NO contact- no cards, gifts etc It should always have been your h’s job to sort things like Mother’s Day. Don’t be a doormat when you know you’ve done nothing wrong- even if it’s just so that your kids don’t repeat people pleasing behaviour and have others take advantage of them.

She can expect what she likes on Mothers Day. Time she learnt that her actions have consequences. Stand strong, no card, no acknowledgement.
What a nasty person she is that she supports her lying daughters over the truth.

Really, it’s not.

It is around here :) grandmothers are usually celebrated as much as mothers, its interesting to hear you are not familiar with it being so

This she isn’t your mother. I would not have done anything at Christmas or anything until a full genuine apology was given

No, absolutely do not post a card. I am NC with my own mum. The worst thing she does is bloody contact me on every fucking day when I just want to celebrate with my family and yet I have to deal with her popping up and trying to guilt trip me. If I wanted to hear from her on Mother’s Day, we’d have a relationship. I don’t and we don’t.

If your Dh wants to post her a card, she’s his mum. Sure, he can do that. I actually like my MIL, but I don’t get her a card or present or see her on Mother’s Day, because she isn’t my mum.

I’d count your lucky stars you don’t hear from her and enjoy your day with your dc.

No of course you should not send cards or gifts to a woman who treated you so abominably especially as she is not your mum. She has not made any effort to contact the DC so why bother? It is up to your husband anyway given she is his mum.

Is DH NC with her too?

She dumped you and her grandchildren - why on earth would you send her a mother's day card? What would it even say? "To the best grandmother?" I don't think so. Just ignore her.

If you like, send FIL a happy father's day card from your children when the time comes.

Yes she made it quite clear “you stick with her you can say good bye to me!” She didn't realise that my DH has his own eyes and brain to see with his own eyes that his sisters were lying through their teeth…

Thank you

Question.... How often has she wished you a good mother's day?

We are also a family that celebrates all mothers not just our own. For example my mum phones her sister and wishes her a happy mother's day and since I have had children my mum and sister wish me a happy mother's day but it's only for our actual mother we do cards or gifts. If my mum does mother's day craft with my daughter or my niece it is for me /my sister and not for her.

If you want to send a card and mean the sentiments included within go ahead and send it but if you are doing it out obligation don't.

There is a difference between being a nice person and trying to see the best in people and there is allowing the happiness of others to trample all over your feelings. You can't do that without someone getting hurt and there is always the risk that the person you do hurt means a lot more to you than the person trying to be nice too.

My parents can be people pleasers especially with one set of aunt and uncle. They can blow hot and cold with them and always have done. There was an incident where their children were taking advantage of my housebound grandmother with dementia. I sought advice and found there were grounds to refer it to the police if it didn't stop. I told my parents how serious it was and that they had to draw a line and tell my cousins to stop taking advantage regardless of whether they were family or not. My parents refuses as they didn't want to upset my aunt and uncle. I had to point out that they were making a choice between upsetting me or them and who did they care more about. It was only then that they saw that the impact that being nice was having on those around them. They do still play nice with them as they are the sort of people that ensure that their needs come first, second and third but my parents are better at identifying when doing so comes at the cost of harm to them and their family relationships.

What was the lie about you?

Shes clearly not bothered about her grandchildren so why bother?

Does your FIL still see the children?

No. Let go and move on.
It's not your sils fault that she verbally abused you and then blanked you, that's all on her. Potentially, she needs the drama and likes to stir it all up.
Potentially, your sisters in law said something that she has embellished and twisted further.
She sounds awful.
Mother's Day this year can be about you, and doing something to honour your own Mum, if you want to. Don't let this person steal any more peace from you.

Its something so ridiculous that even if it were true it would be no excuse to go NC with family over, but DH sisters have been planting seeds for years. Yes FIL still sees the children he comes up often for a cuppa

FIL sounds lovely. I think I might invite him over on Mothers Day...

I would invite FIL over on Mother’s Day for a lovely lunch.

Snap @Ellie56

What was it though? It would help to know the full background

If you’re the one who’s always organised and sent the cards, then you could just say to DH you won’t be doing it this year so if he wants to send anything on behalf of the dc or himself, he’ll need to organise it.
Or You could just say and do nothing, and let him deal with it ( or not).

You could send her a customised card from that place online where you can design your own..

"Hope you have the mothers day you deserve". Might work?

Or what about a generic card
" Good luck" on the front
"Enjoying your mothers day" handwritten on the inside.?

The most recent one was SIL ringing my MIL saying “and what on earth is that picture that she has put up of you on SM, you look terrible in it!” No picture of MIL had been uploaded by me, proved it… was then accused of “paying someone to change FB data to save my skin” never been so mind blown in my entire life over a situation. Do you know what… why the hell am i even contemplating a card 🤯