AIBU fuming over DS16 returning home drunk

[happyandhealthy4]

DS16 went to an event in London yesterday for 16-18 year olds alongside a few friends. He returned home at midnight and reeked of alcohol. Before he left I made it very clear, don't drink or this will be the last party you go to, and yet he ignored my warning and returned home smelling very strongly of alcohol. AIBU to be very angry over this situation? When I asked him whether he been drinking and what he was drinking he initially lied but later just ignored my questions.

Is it uncommon for 16 year olds to be getting drunk at parties? How should I proceed?

You are being over the top and I guarantee he will move out as soon as he can if you are this controlling

This is really weird thought process. He didn’t seem that drunk so he must have been a huge state at the party? I don’t even know how you’ve got to that conclusion.

Loosen up op or you’ll lose him. He’s old enough to get married and have kids, he’s 16 not 6 and you’ll be embarrassing him.

@happyandhealthy4

yes, OP, he’ll have been stumbling around and projectile vomiting over everyone.

rehab is needed….NOW

I think you need to start trusting him. If he wasn’t acting drunk and messaged regularly whilst at the party it is possible that someone spilled a drink on him and that is why he smelled of alcohol.

Blimey, my very reserved mum would buy me alcohol to take to parties from the age of 14.
What 16 year old hasn’t got drunk at a party??

I totally agree with OP. No. Underage drinking is a no. End of. Drunk at the age of 16? My son already knows that that doesn't happen. What happens at 18+ is his affair but until then...them's the rules!!!

fabulous parenting

Ban everything and then let them go wild suddenly without any preparation at 18 when you wash your hands of them

He is doing what many have done before him, it's part of growing up. You telling him not to do it will not make a difference, he will find a way. Did you never do it???

No. It's making them aware that under my roof there are rules. Happily, my son is obviously more mature than your offspring are or ever will be. Lax parenting is better, obviously...

I wouldn’t worry too much as he was communicating and came home safely and wasn’t drunk!

sounds like he was sensible.

be careful - the more rules the more they push.

are you going to follow through with the threat?

It's funny how the whole safeguarding goes out of the window when it comes to acceptance of underage drinking.

in my experience, rather than outright banning this age from drinking it’s more worthwhile teaching them to keep safe. Don’t accept drinks from strangers, don’t leave your drink unattended, look out for your friends, know your limits, know what to do if you think someone you’re with has been spiked, make sure you’re aware of how you’re getting home.

This is what I did with my eldest (only one of mine drinking so far). It’s served us both well: she and her friends can mostly handle themselves and the times they’ve needed to they’ve known what to do. If she needs to call me she can and it matters more to me that she’s ok rather than getting mad at her.

This… it’s a rite of passage. They all mess up and try alcohol at that age. So long as he’s only done it once or twice, I can’t understand the outrage. My DH and I would be secretly pissing ourselves over it whilst pretending to be a little disappointed in them. 3 nights a week and/or every time they go out with their mates? Yes, I’d be intervening. But not on a half term trip to London.

You can't expect the average teen not to do what his friends do - you need to be realistic. Peer pressure is huge at that age. Explain to him how to keep himself safe and what to do if he feels he's over done it. It's easy to get carried away and get drunk, especially when you're young and don't know how much is too much. I did many many times before I decided I didn't like the hangovers. Drinking on an occasional basis isn't particularly dangerous at that age, as long as it doesn't become a dependency.

You shouldn't have banned it outright, though I can't see how you will ban him from any parties for the next couple of years (unless you're a psycho parent- though it's illegal to stop teens that age from leaving the house).

Most of all you need him to tell you when things go wrong, which he won't if you give him ridiculous ultimatums.

YABU. And ridiculous.

No way he’d have sobered up if he’d had a lot. Sometimes you can smell alcohol on people after 1 or 2 drinks

Both of my DCs got very drunk at around that age- they only did it the once! I didn’t tell them off -they felt very ill and sheepish and I felt that was adequate punishment. Obviously I wouldn’t have wanted them to regularly drink heavily- especially not at that age. But it’s such an incredibly common experience- almost a rite of passage really. Me and their Dad did exactly the same thing at that age. They are a bit older now and neither of them drink very much, nor has either of them repeated the experience of getting utterly legless.

I don't get the smells strongly of alcohol so much have been drunk part.
If it was a party with dancing and everyone bumping into each other and jumping up and down as teen parties have been for decades, then drinks would have been splashed.
If he was that drunk he woukd have still been drunk.
Why don't you ask him what he drank? Some drinks smell a lot more than others.

Didnt you do it? I was drinking in pubs/clubs at 15/16. Although i know less seem to drink now. Was v normal when I was young

I agree that children drinking shouldn't be taken lightly, but most 16 year olds drink, and peer pressure is difficult. I think expecting him to be sensible and not put himself in danger is more realistic. He seems to have looked after himself okay.

I used to worry so much about my first because he was tiny and his friends were not sensible or well supervised. He'd have got alcohol poisoning faster than they would and they were frequently very drunk so they wouldn't have noticed.

The worst that happened was they shaved his eyebrow off while he was passed out and he looked stupid in school for months. He moved on naturally to other friends but when they are 16 and all the friendships are intertwined it's very difficult to go against the norm too much. He tried to drink in moderation rather than not at all, because he did want to be friends with these kids and he was so lonely when he was bullied when younger for being 'odd'. I don't drink and am often told it's weird. 16 year olds don't want to be considered weird.

My youngest also drank at 16 but he's a bigger boy and his friends were sensible, I was more relaxed about him.

we see what happens to kids who have been raised by overbearing parents who don't trust them. It's not pretty the day they are finally free.

Kids who learn to be responsible progressively are much more mature and behave well because they have been trusted.

It does take more effort, you call me "lax", I call you lazy.

So why are you asking our opinions if you’ve already made your mind up.

the vast vast majority of us have said it’s not uncommon to drink at 16. By ‘banning’ it and making him promise not to drink, you’ve almost backed him into a corner and lie to you by being unreasonably controlling in the first place.

youd be better off spending your time discussing how to be safe when drinking and how to be careful etc.

100%

We found my son at 16 passed out on the kitchen floor after filling a pint glass with puke. His biggest punishment was the fact we bring it up to embarrass him on a fairly frequent basis. Lighten up. If you want him to run for the hills and hardly see you when he’s old enough then kicking off about every rite of passage will do it. And this is the tame end of the wedge!