AIBU fuming over DS16 returning home drunk

[happyandhealthy4]

DS16 went to an event in London yesterday for 16-18 year olds alongside a few friends. He returned home at midnight and reeked of alcohol. Before he left I made it very clear, don't drink or this will be the last party you go to, and yet he ignored my warning and returned home smelling very strongly of alcohol. AIBU to be very angry over this situation? When I asked him whether he been drinking and what he was drinking he initially lied but later just ignored my questions.

Is it uncommon for 16 year olds to be getting drunk at parties? How should I proceed?

You do know that if you haven't been drinking someone who has only had a couple smells very strongly of alcohol?

This is a wind up, right? 😂

Clearly you don’t take anything lightly. Go pour yourself a glass of wine and chill the fuck out 🙄.

wow, is this real?? of course a 16 year old will be drinking at a party. Please don't be angry, we all have done it, its part of growing up....

Well maybe you are imagining too much. He came home, not in a drunken state, after being at a party. You’re going to have a very stressful few years ahead of you if you carry on like this.

If he didn't have sick on his shoes he's probably OK 😂

Whaaatt? Smelt very strongly of alcohol = a lot to drink ?
God I missed the memo, I can drink one gin and it smells strong anymore than that and I'd be asleep, such a light weight😆
He was hardly drunk if sending mum regular texts messages to say he was okay.
Now I would say THAT was unusual and could have caused derision from his mates "Texting mummy AGAIN George?" .
He sounds a decent son, don't die on this hill, could be a lot worse and he might not bother texting you next time.

When my eldest was looking for a university, she opted to stay in London. Her reasoning? "Because you and Dad gave me enough freedom that I don't have anything to rebel against." Whilst I'm not advocating that you buy your son a six pack of Buzzballs every weekend, go easy on how restrictive you are with alcohol, because, like most teens, if you forbid him from drinking you'll just drive him towards it. Surely it's better to know that he's been out and possibly had one or two drinks and has come home safely because you taught him to be responsible with alcohol, than to have him disappear for a weekend with no contact because he's off his face in a mate's bedroom?

Then the venue needs to think about their licence.

I think I know where OP’s son went yesterday.

Sorry OP, I think you’re being very unreasonable and I suspect that your relationship with him will eventually suffer as a consequence.

My mum was like you! It only made me drinks and do more stupid stuff. I ended up putting myself in silly situations as I knew if I called home, I’d be in trouble. I think it’s amazing he went with his friends and came home at a decent time.

YABU - be careful about pushing him away. I don’t think you smell ‘more’ of alcohol the more you have. He’s 16 and enjoying himself - he isn’t going to be not drink for hours to sober up a bit. Unclench

You’re saying this like it’s unique to this venue. Let’s not even go down the root of how many under 18’s have fake id.

Sounds normal to me for a 16 year old.

He’s 16, and whilst that’s under the drinking age, many teens are drinking at that age. I certainly was and my parents were relaxed about it. Mine didn’t drink under 18, but if they chose to, I certainly wouldn’t be threatening to ban parties and being like you are. You’ll just end up with a sneaky teen and behaviour going underground. You’d be better to advise him to drink sensibly, remember he has to get home, advice on keeping belonging safe etc.

Smelling strongly of alcohol probably means it was more likely that he had drunk later in the evening and it would have been still on his breath.
If he had come home stinking of sweat and vomit and uncommunicative in the evening he would have been more likely to have drunk a lot earlier in the evening.

Don't ban alcohol it just drives intrigue and temptation. Educate rationally the dangers of alcohol.
Don't drink any drink you haven't bought yourself and seen be opened /poured.
Don't drink so much you can't get yourself home safely.
Don't drink so much you risk hurting yourself or others
Pace yourself don't go for hard liquors, if out all night at the very least alternate alcoholic/non-alcoholic
Be the sensible one that drink less than everyone else and ensures you all get home safely

Drinking soft drinks all night is rubbish, my insides feel like they are dissolving themselves if I have been on coke or lemonade all evening.
Introduce him to 0% lagers or shandies. The taste and the experience with minimal alcohol.

Drinking at a party once or twice at 16 is a bit of a rite of passage and once I would take the displeased but ok it's happened line let's move on. He shouldn't have lied but at the same time he's a teenager doing things a teenager does. They are trying to find where the new boundaries are in the world
If it was to become a regular thing and it was out of control I would become angry. Alcohol fuelled parties started in my class at 14. Often the police ended up being called and nearly everyone resulted in the fridge door being pulled off the hinges. I never went, it wasn't my thing and my parents would have hit the roof if I was getting in that sort of state. At 16-17 I did start going over to my friend's house occasionally at the weekend and us both having a small bottle of a low alcohol lager whilst we watched a film together. I think the two situations are very different and I know which I would prefer my children to do when they reach that age.

I have drunk very little since I was about 21 and now there is a decent range of low alcohol products products I'd be happy to never really drink again. It has always been about the taste and not the intoxication for me.

Have you introduced alcohol in a sensible manner at home so he knows how to drink sensibly? Or have to you talked to him about the effects of alcohol on young bodies? It would be a much more useful lesson than forbidding it and then getting angry at him. I wasn’t allowed to drink at home and had a very scary experience when I left aged 17 as I didn’t know how to pace my drinking or when to stop. I won’t go into details but it could have ended badly. As it was it was only humiliating along with a massive hangover.

So he wasn’t actually drunk ? I really think you’re being too strict. Better to teach them to look after each other, don’t leave a friend. Which paid off with us when one daughter’s friend called me to say she was drunk and needed help. I was so glad she felt able to call me.

I’d need a drink if you were my ma.

No wonder he lied to you if you carry on like that. You are building up trouble for yourself.
Honestly your reaction OTT. Do you want him to resent, lie to you, and tell you nothing.
My Dad was like you, I hated and resented him.

If you are this uptight, no wonder he’s lying.

If he came home safe and was sending you regular messages during the party duration, he definitely wasn't THAT drunk. He sounds like a sensible kid.

Very uncommon for 16 year olds to get drunk at parties - can’t think it’s ever happened before 🙄🤣

@SargeMarge there are plenty of people on here posting drivel like “lighten up OP, I remember getting wasted when I was 16, pissing in the cupboard and throwing up on the settee, and my Dad laughed and said ah well you live and learn”, as if it’s all just one big joke that we’re meant to laugh along to. Yes it seems to be a rite of passage these days, but I’m not going to pretend it’s all one big jolly jape, because it isn’t. It’s crap, and a phase most parents want to pass quickly!

@Driftingawaynow more fool you, if you want to fill your house with drunken vomiting teens! My Mum was very anti drinking, so as a teen I always made sure I stayed elsewhere if I was going to get drunk, and saved the vomiting evenings for university. I have a very good relationship with my Mum, she’s supportive, and the person I’ve always turned to for help. It’s insane to imply that just because a mum doesn’t want to see their child wasted , it means the child won’t feel safe with them. There’s more to good parenting than simply approving of everything kids do.