Was I right to leave?

[Roulett]

I have been visiting adult DD to help with the children for half term. She has two children a six year old boy and 12 month old boy. They along with my son in law live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay. We agreed I would arrive Monday and stay until Thursday morning. Unfortunately when I arrived the baby was quite poorly and ended up being sent to hospital yesterday although was then discharged with medication. My daughter and son in law asked me to stay but I already had plans for the weekend (friend’s granddaughters christening) so I said no. My daughter was upset saying she hasn’t been sleeping and needs more help as the baby is poorly. I’ve now come away and my daughter is being very short with me on the phone. Was I unreasonable not to stay? I’d already helped whilst there and she knew when I was meant to leave.

Literally referred to in the OP?

This sums it up for me.

IS IT?!

The fact the she ASKED for help would have me stay..
I would only be an invited observer at a christening, I am a Mum forever.

Your daughter needed your help. I would be cross if my mum prioritised a friend’s granddaughter christening to her own daughter and grandchildren. She is probably stressed and exhausted after her baby was poorly. It doesn’t seem like you have a close relationship with her?

Would I have left my daughter struggling with my poorly granddaughter to go to a friend’s granddaughter’s christening? No.

What is the dad doing? Whatever the DD needs OP to be doing, he should be doing that.

But as she needed help with half term even before the illness, sounds like another individual who cannot cope with her own children.

Maybe she didn't NEED help over midterm... maybe it was just a nice time for OP to visit and be able to spend with both of her grandchildren.

Wow I know you had plans but you basically said your friend and their granddaughter are more important than your own daughter and granddaughter….

You should have stayed. Your daughter - your child - needed you. If you cannot relay on your own mother in this life who can you! You put your own flesh and blood before others.

Not anyone else's call but yours. Happy with the decision you made?

IS IT WHAT?

Yeah tricky one. Either way you can’t win.

It’s tough because you had already been down there for four days helping with the kids. I don’t know why your daughter wasn’t sleeping With you there.

Her husband doesn’t sound like he took time off and they expected you to fill that gap but clearly the bay wasn’t so ill he felt he had to?

I get she asked you to stay but after four days too I may have asked but certainly wouldn’t guilt my mun or gwt shirt if she had to go.

Being a grandparent doesnt automatically mean babysitting. Many may many people have been in your daughters shoes and have no one to ask so she was very lucky you were able to help at all.

She had evwry right to ask and you clearly judges the situation and felt you could go. She shouldn’t guilt you unless she is doing the same to her OH and MIL.

Not sure about his. I can’t rely on my mum as she lives abroad. So I can’t rely never rely on her for help in a tough spot. Is it georgraphty that changes this? But I can always rely on her to mentally be there for me.

Important

I would've put my daughter above a friend's grandchild, especially a christening, sorry

Yes, a christening is imprtant to many people.

Equally, you don’t stop being a person when you have kids, especially when they’re grown up and have kids of their own.

OP is allowed to have friends and want to share their important occasions that she has committed to.

Some people take their commitments seriously. OP had committed 3 nights to her daughter and she met that commitment. She now has a commitment to her friend and wants to meet that too.

I mean important to a friend of the grandmother of the baby.

I would have stayed. They needed you.

ODFOD

It is important to the parents, grandparents, godparents and close family.

I find it a bit odd for it to be more important to a friend of a grandparent of the child being christened than sticking around to support her own daughter & just out of hospital grandbaby.

Bizarrely am expecting all of the “your mother gave you loads supporting you for 3 days! Woman up!! Will be the posters saying..”your mother gave you LIFE!! Of course you’re at her beck and call when she needs you now!!”

It’s really not your place to decide who christenings are important to.

That is completely bizarre.

Sorry?! You asked where the father was but he is referred to in the OP. What’s your issue?